The other day I was talking with a neighbor about her daughter’s upcoming wedding. She seemed a little disinterested in the whole affair, not at all excited or hopeful. I myself love weddings, and had a beautiful one almost two years ago. My mother, aunts, and friends were all giddy about the planning and execution. I offered a few probing questions and learned that her daughter is 20, her fiancé 21, and both are still in college. According to her mother, those factors total up to a big disaster.

When I married at 24 I thought of myself as a young bride. I had finished my undergraduate studies and was about to embark on grad school. I had never lived outside of my parents house, was still working as an intern, and was about to have a husband, new home, and dog. I suddenly felt like an eight year old playing “house.”

Two years later (on July1) and I’m still happily married. Our house is slowly being renovated, grad school is done, my hubby and I still like each other, and I’m totally understanding that whole “money doesn’t grow on trees” phrase. But everyday brings something new — new challenges, worries, plans and surprises.

Then I started thinking about my neighbor’s daughter and fiancé. I do believe in love at first sight (upon meeting my now husband I proclaimed to my best friend that I was going to marry him), but is 20 old enough to enter into marriage? There is a surplus of stories of couples who met and married young, and 20 years later are going strong. But is that a realistic reality today? Are kids being blinded by media images and fairy tales? Are kids growing up too fast? Is divorce as an easy way out common thought before settling down? Is this young couple doomed to fail? I certainly hope not.

I think that a successful marriage is one in which both people grow together. While it might not always be at the same pace or in the same direction, both must be committed to helping each other and making a conscious effort to share the other’s like/dislikes. There is just so much growing, so many experiences to have at the age of 20 and 21. For many people that is the time of late nights, dating, and little responsibility.

My best friend, who is celebrating her first wedding anniversary next month, said something to me the other day that kind of caught me off guard. “Marriage is hard. It’s hard EVERYDAY.” Mind you she had a couple drinks and is just coming off of the first very trying year, but if it’s that difficult for her at 26, how will this 20 year old fair?

So let the discussion begin — is 20 too young to get married? Is there some minimum age requirement that should be reached before getting hitched? Or are some just destined for happily ever after (with dedication, compromise, and good old fashion love)?

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