I used to drink. A lot. Too much, really, for someone with my family history and proclivity for creating chaos and drama. So I stopped. About 8 months ago. And life has gotten much better…. but that’s a story for another time.

Like many imperfect parents, I’m more or less a very good parent on most days… but this requires a certain amount of concentrated effort and a whole lot of help. I used to get help in a bottle, and now I get help from a variety of sources.

But I still need and want a vice.. something that serves no other purpose than pleasure and rebellion. A way to cut loose and be onesself without getting mistaken for a “ma’am” or a “sir”… or someone who is, say, turning 40.

I like to joke about starting a respite center for mothers staffed with hot Italian boys (or girls, depending on your preferences).. and I’m only sort of joking. Seriously, it’s so very easy to take parenting too farging seriously these days.

But the thing is, I miss having a vice. I don’t want anything life or health or marriage threatening, just something to spice things up and remind me of the wild girl I used to be long long ago.

So when my friend told me of her new “thing” for nicotine-free cigarettes (doesn’t that sound like “no strings attached” sex?? nice idea but highly unlikely?), I thought I’d give them a try.

I’ll report back soon.. but until then.. any vices you’d recommend?

I, like many of my friends, am a smoker. I know, I know – I should quit (back off!). I choose to smoke, as is my choice. And while I am a girl of few rules, there are four that I live by:

1. When there are kids in the car – NO SMOKING
2. When there are kids in the house – NO SMOKING
3. When I am near my pregnant sister – NO SMOKING
4. And when I am in the vicinity of children – NO SMOKING

If I happened to be outside smoking and I see someone approaching – especially if that someone is a child — I quickly move, attempt to blow the smoke as far away from them as possible, or hold my breath until they pass.

So, the next time I see someone smoking with a mini-van full of children, or smoking while pushing their child in a stroller and holding another kid’s hand, smoking while holding a child, or smoking while — gasp — pregnant, would it be impolite of me slap them upside the head?