A former coworker of mine, who came and went within a span of 4 months, announced during her 2nd week of employment that she was expecting a baby. Congratulations were offered to the glowing, petite mother who could not have been more than a few days pregnant, given her size 0 figure.

Surprise, surprise. She tells us, she’s not 2 weeks pregnant, she expecting in 2 weeks! Apparently, her and her husband hired a surrogate to carry their biological child and being the intrusive, nosy-nelly I am, I said to her, “Isn’t that wonderful that there are options for loving people to have children when they aren’t able to?”

Okay, so pretty presumptuous of me, I know. Then she says that getting pregnant wasn’t their problem, but that she has a pinched nerve in her neck that sometimes requires pain killers and she didn’t think it was safe to carry a baby. “Plus,” she said, “I have a weight restriction of 15 pounds, because of my pinched nerve, so I couldn’t carry a baby to term, unless I wanted to be bed ridden and who wants that?” (I dunno know, someone who wants a baby perhaps?)

Since she’s being so free with the info, I say, “Huh. Your surrogate must be a really good person.”

“No, she’s not,” she replies. “We had to pay her and we paid her really well.”

I couldn’t resist. “Tell me if this question is too personal, but what does something like that cost?”

“Enough to send her 3 boys to college.”

So, two weeks later she is out on maternity leave. Apparently, she likes the number two, since she also took two weeks off for her maternity leave. (Yep, two whole weeks.)

Then, she comes back, hair perfect, clothes ironed but emotionally distraught and she proceeds to lose it. Every day, she comes in crying. She complains incessantly about how much her nanny costs and that she is paying her nanny more than she makes. I suggest that perhaps she quit? She says she can’t, her husband’s company is laying people off. It starts to annoy me. She cries all day. She claims she’s going through post-partum depression. (Is that possible, if you haven’t actually given birth?)

And then she ups and quits.

Weird.

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I’m not sure how far news of this has spread, but recently a young mother in Barrie was accused of killer her toddler and infant daughters. It has launched the usual firestorm of controversy: What is postpartum depression? How much is a PPD sufferer responsible for their actions? How much is her family and/or partner responsible for not recognizing it and taking steps to prevent such an act?

?‚? According to an article in the Toronto Star (I promise; I do read other newspapers) not only is Post-Partum Psychosis incredibly rare, afflicting only one out of 500 or 1000 postpartum women, but of those women only about five per cent will go on to attempt to harm their children. What will tip that small percentage over the line?

?‚? One stressor that doesn’t get enough attention, he says, is sleep disruption. Lack of support is also a factor.

“I can’t underestimate (the importance of) the environment or circumstances,” says Brizendine.

What may send a woman predisposed to depression or bipolar disease down one path rather than another after childbirth, she says, is support from husband and family or lack of it.

I can’t tell you how happy I was to see an article that mentioned motherhood itself–the sleep disruption, change in role and extra work–as a significant stressor in and of itself. When Frances was born one month early and with reflux disease so severe I couldn’t put her down for the twelve hours of each day my husband was at work, when she woke every forty-five minutes at night for weeks on end, refused to nap unless in physical contact with me, and refused bottles, to be told that the resulting strain and depression were due to hormones was insulting and infuriating.

?‚? If only they had stopped the article there, and I’d never read this:

?‚? Symptoms of postpartum mental illness include changes in behaviour or personality and inattention to personal hygiene or household organization.

?‚? Household organization? Household organization?

?‚? Then we must all be ill, because I don’t know a single woman whose household remained organized after the arrival of a new baby.

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