Because nothing says, “We love you, Mom,” more than a high powered suction device:

That’s right, I gave my wife something off of Yahoo’s 5 worst Mother’s Day gifts list. Does it help if I told you she asked for it? And that she never really has to use it, because we have a cleaning person? No? l know, I know. And with such other interesting options right at my fingertips. Oh well, I didn’t want any sex for the next month, anyway. Although…

So, how did you spend your Mother’s Day?

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My three-year-old is very color oriented. She identifies the world and her place in it by color.

“You need that sweater, mommy? The green one on the black hanger next to the blue shirt?”

These questions she asks, and the answers she gives, always blow me away with their incredible detail. I love these glimpses into their minds.

When she gave that specific answer, about the green sweater, I laughed and tried to remember if my other two went through any similar process. As far as I can recall, neither of them did, not exactly like this.

As far as I can recall. That’s the hitch though. My memory is incomplete. It’s not a degenerative thing I need to be concerned about. It’s normal. But, sad and frightening all the same.

continue reading…

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I’ve got Mothers Day questions and you imperfects BETTER give me answers!

What should I ask for?

Mothers Day might be a hallmark holiday but people, people there’s no way in hell I’m turning down the opportunity to ask for treasures. No. Way. I need help deciding which one of wishes [thus far] should take priority. And please do share our Mothers Day “traditions” cause’ being a first time momma I’m interested in stealing ideas for the years to come. Three cheers for milkin’ mothers day!

MD Wish list:

1. No poop diapers for a week. Originally I was going to say “no changing a poo for the day” but that’s ONE load, and far too small of a gift…that’s more of a favor actually. A week is seven dumps, which is the perfect amount to be considered a present.

2.  Clean up after dinner. No more eating and running back to your computer sucker…me and the kid will be in the living room while you deal with the mess. This is worth three dinners which is probably the amount I cook per week.

3. Sleep ins every Saturday for the rest of my life.

I honestly can’t think of any more. I mean, besides a billion dollar gift card to Amazon for books, yes that’d be nice but I think I’m pretty happy, except for you know shit, messy kitchens, and lack of sleep apparently.

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Literally.

I know I run the risk of being accused of puffery, given that one of the proprietors of Cool Mom Picks also likes to write about blow jobs for this site, but I don’t give a shit. For the “gifting challenged” like myself, their Mother’s Day gift guide is an invaluable resource. Every year I stress about finding a good gift, only to end up with either flowers or the ultra-lame “take the kids off her hands for the day” non-gift. The thing I like most about their guide is it’s not some list dreamed up by a marketing department, full of things they think mom’s want, but rather the gift recommendations are hand-selected by Kristen and Liz and are items they wouldn’t mind unwrapping on Mother’s Day morning themselves.

Dads, don’t be an asshat and once again try to pass off breakfast in bed as a legitimate gift — go check out the guide, pick something handmade and personalized, and be a hero.

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