Because nothing says, “We love you, Mom,” more than a high powered suction device:

That’s right, I gave my wife something off of Yahoo’s 5 worst Mother’s Day gifts list. Does it help if I told you she asked for it? And that she never really has to use it, because we have a cleaning person? No? l know, I know. And with such other interesting options right at my fingertips. Oh well, I didn’t want any sex for the next month, anyway. Although…

So, how did you spend your Mother’s Day?

A new report has come out claiming that American men’s role in housework duty has increased by 15 - 30 percent since 1965 (no, I’m serious, that’s what it says — yes, I realize 15% of zero is still zero), while at the same time the amount of sexual activity between married partners has increased about the same rate. So, employing a bit of post hoc ergo propter hoc, we get guy vacuums = guy gets laid.

Shit, we’ve been trying to tell you guys that for years. Where’s our grant money? Paging Matthew Lesko!

[h/t]

Our sex goddess the Mominatrix is back on the air and she’s talking toys! No, not the ones you continuously step on in the family room, more of the adult variety. Do moms and dads use sex toys? Is it because of an always present kink, or for a desire to add a little excitement back into the bedroom?

Join us LIVE tonight, August 31 at 8:00 p.m. CST when we’ll give the low down on some of the latest “massagers” currently on the market. We’ll also be joined by guest Racy Red from Mommy Blogs Toronto’s Hot and Bothered to share her views on these little pleasure accessories. AND WE’RE GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-915-8634 and tell us about your favorite sex toy and you just might win either a Nexus Duo Range (nsfw) or a $35 gift certificate from sex toy retailer Babeland.com (also probably nsfw, duh).

Click here to listen/subscribe

In case you hadn’t heard, there was an itty bitty conference in Chicago over the weekend, and Navy Pier was overrun with estrogen and vaginas. Since the Windy City is the home of IP headquarters, we thought we would try to latch on to the fun and reap the benefit of seeing great writers and friends while skipping sitting through the Feed Your Family Writing About Your Cat seminar.

We started with a pre-festivities gathering on Thursday night, hoping to lure our columnists and a handful of others into our trap with the offer of free alcohol. And it worked! (If you were not invited don’t be insulted, it’s us not you. OK, maybe a little bit you.)

For entertainment, we had Helen from Electronic Arts showing off the new Wii dance/karaoke game Boogie. Why, you ask? Because not only did it sound like fun, but I’m a cheap bastard and she offered to provide the booze. And how did I show my gratitude? By messing with the complicated A/V setup at our party space, managing to knock out the side panel of the entertainment center where it proceeded to fall on all 82 pounds of Helen leaving a nice gash in her forearm. A little word of wisdom to all you wannabe big time internet publishers out there:

DO NOT MAIM YOUR CORPORATE SPONSOR.

Fortunately that was the only injury of the night, besides the damage done to the buffet and liquor cabinet.

View the photographic evidence:

continue reading…

Please pardon this momentary indulgence of self-promotion, which I normally keep to a minimum, but I’m too excited about this one.

The Imperfect Parent’s sex goddess Mominatrix has agreed to tear herself away from her new boyfriend, Hoover, and take to the airwaves. Mominatrix Radio, hosted by Kristen Chase along with yours truly as her subservient lapdog, will feature plenty of chat about sex, sex, and um, sex, from a parent’s perspective.

For the first show, Mominatrix will be broadcasting LIVE from BlogHer 2007, where we’ll be talking about “trying to conceive” sex — did you find romance between the Clomid and basal thermometers, or was it all business? We want to hear your stories. Mine involves the most embarrassing moment of my life as I walked into a fertility clinic full of 30 women and… well, if you want to know what happened you’ll have to tune in next Friday, July 27, at 7 p.m. CST.

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Win a Mominatrix t-shirt! And we’re not talking about a crappy dollar store shirt either, but rather an embroidered shirt by Fadiddle on quality Alternative Apparel. It’s easy to enter — just add a Mominatrix Radio button to your blog by copying/pasting the below code anywhere in your blog template:

<script language="javascript" src="http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/button.php"></script>

Send your URL to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com, and we’ll randomly select a winner for this fabulous piece of swag.

It seems a bunch of Imperfect Parent writers are popping up all over these new fangled things called “podcasts” in the next couple of days.

First, Kristen Chase, our very own Mominatrix, hosts her Motherhood Uncensored radio show tonight, May 16, from 9-10 p.m. EST. Her topic is religion. including the subject I’m mainly interested in — raising kids without it. She’ll be joined by our favorite political pundit and atheist Julie Marsh, as well as author Dale McGowan and Noell Hyman. If the damn kids will keep their pie holes shut during that time, perhaps I’ll call in. Fortunately an MP3 of the show is also archived if you can’t listen during the live broadcast time.

Next up on the podcast plate, have you heard about True Mom Confessions? Of course you have, it’s been all over the place (seriously, how do we get that kind of publicity?). But in case you’ve been vacationing off the face of the Earth, TMC is a new website created by Rebecca Woolf and Romi Lassally that allows moms to bare their souls through an anonymous post. Apparently you all have a lot of dirty little secrets, because it’s taking off like crazy.

Now the pair has already spun off the site into True Mom Confessions Radio, a live internet call-in show, and this Thursday, May 17 from 5-6 p.m. EST Mominatrix shows up on the airwaves again as a guest along with our newest and totally faboo columnist, Rachael (aka Crankmama). They’ll be discussing sex and sexuality after motherhood. This show is also archived, if you’re unable to listen to Kristen and Rachael’s potty mouths in the middle of the afternoon.

This is a very entertaining bunch, so if you have yet to get into listening to podcasts, this would be a great time to start.

Do I win the award for the most links in a blog post? Sheesh.