1. I will not wear jeans that have a zipper longer than six inches and/or are tapered and end right at the ankle. Those qualify as Mom Jeans. (However, this does not mean you should dress like Britney Spears. Find the happy medium, people.)
2. I will not wear any kind of crocheted or appliquéd vest.
3. I will not wear plain white tennis shoes. (especially coupled with Mom Jeans)
4. I will not cut all my hair off while pregnant in preparation for the Blessed Event. Many women’s rationale is that they’ll need a simple hairstyle so as to avoid baby-food-crusted strands. What they don’t know? Is baby-food-crusted strands are much more attractive than that pseudo-mullet.
5. I will wear a bikini. Yes, it will be uncomfortable. However, we should all wear the stretch-marks and saggy skin as what they are: the battle scars of a war-weary general.
6. I will resist the urge to continually whip out pictures of my children. Yes, they’re cute. But trust me: NO ONE wants to see five million pictures of your child with farm animals at a pumpkin patch.
7. I will not feel guilty when leaving my spouse with the child(ren). You had to be pregnant and give birth, remember? I think a few hours of Dora and that weird show with the sock puppets is nothing compared to the dignity-erasing horrors of labor and delivery.
8. I will make an effort to remain educated and watch the news and read the newspaper and keep up on world news. The fact that Susie went poo-poo in the potty is not a current event.
9. I will not wear a scrunchy. I don’t care if it’s while working out or gardening or soaking in the tub. There is no asterisk for scrunchy-wearing. It’s a deal-breaker.
10. I will not care about being a “hip” mom. I’ll just try to make it through the day without falling asleep standing up

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Thin is in. Skinny skirts and jeans, otherwise known as “pencil” skirts or pants are in.

Looks like I’ll be eating my share of salads this fall because as shallow as it might be, this is just too cute to allow my thighs to get in the way of this adorable (albeit, narrow) fashion trend. I don’t own a Caravan for this reason – these jeans could potentially be a fashion culture clash of monumental proportions. See, MILFs have an image and reputation to uphold. If it were a war of fashion, let me tell you, these bitches would win:

from gap.com

From www.msnbc.msn.com:

Pencil it in
The pencil skirt is a must-have on every trendista’s shopping list. We love it in sleek and snug dark denim with just a bit of stretch to mold and hug your curves. The classic five-pocket style is as comfortable as your favorite pair of jeans, while a high-waisted, plain-front silhouette offers a more dressy option that can even be worn in some offices.

Second skin
Skinny jeans are the denim trend of the moment and a favorite of A-list “it” girls. But you don’t have to be skinny to wear them! For fall they look great paired with a hip-length sweater or tunic over a long tee (add a belt if you want waist definition). Go for dark blue “vintage” denim, black or (newest!) pale grey. Skinny, plain legs are A-OK, but you’ll also find lots of fun detailing at the ankles like zippers, snaps and buckles. Read the rest…

Now, for the more realistic MILFs out there, I’m not sayin’ that you can’t be sexy with a little junk in ya trunk. For example, Lane Bryant has just started carrying Seven Jeans. How cool is that? And, they’re on sale right now. Sweet! It’s a win/win for MILFs everywhere! Even if you haven’t lost those baby pounds, it doesn’t mean you have to resort to sweat pants and mom jeans. There is absoultely no excuse now.

Now that’s hot.

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