I used to drink. A lot. Too much, really, for someone with my family history and proclivity for creating chaos and drama. So I stopped. About 8 months ago. And life has gotten much better…. but that’s a story for another time.

Like many imperfect parents, I’m more or less a very good parent on most days… but this requires a certain amount of concentrated effort and a whole lot of help. I used to get help in a bottle, and now I get help from a variety of sources.

But I still need and want a vice.. something that serves no other purpose than pleasure and rebellion. A way to cut loose and be onesself without getting mistaken for a “ma’am” or a “sir”… or someone who is, say, turning 40.

I like to joke about starting a respite center for mothers staffed with hot Italian boys (or girls, depending on your preferences).. and I’m only sort of joking. Seriously, it’s so very easy to take parenting too farging seriously these days.

But the thing is, I miss having a vice. I don’t want anything life or health or marriage threatening, just something to spice things up and remind me of the wild girl I used to be long long ago.

So when my friend told me of her new “thing” for nicotine-free cigarettes (doesn’t that sound like “no strings attached” sex?? nice idea but highly unlikely?), I thought I’d give them a try.

I’ll report back soon.. but until then.. any vices you’d recommend?

Mominatrix Radio is back on the air, and tonight our favorite leather goddess is chatting with the Queen of Orgasms, author and lecturer Lou Paget who’ll share some of her insight to help you get the most bang for your buck in the bedroom (or living room, or public park).

So join us LIVE tonight, October 5 at 9:00 p.m. EST for the lowdown on getting your button pushed, so to speak. The Whipping Boy accidentally got a ball gag stuck in his mouth so he’ll be working the chat room and this sexy mom will be filling in on the air in his stead. AND WE’RE STILL GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-716-9830 with a question or perhaps your little tip for getting your “oh face” on and you can win a tin of fabulous handcrafted lube courtesy of this enterprising lady.

If you don’t feel like calling, you can send a question or comment to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com, or check out the nifty new chat feature. Click here to listen/subscribe.

Our sex goddess the Mominatrix is back on the air and she’s talking toys! No, not the ones you continuously step on in the family room, more of the adult variety. Do moms and dads use sex toys? Is it because of an always present kink, or for a desire to add a little excitement back into the bedroom?

Join us LIVE tonight, August 31 at 8:00 p.m. CST when we’ll give the low down on some of the latest “massagers” currently on the market. We’ll also be joined by guest Racy Red from Mommy Blogs Toronto’s Hot and Bothered to share her views on these little pleasure accessories. AND WE’RE GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-915-8634 and tell us about your favorite sex toy and you just might win either a Nexus Duo Range (nsfw) or a $35 gift certificate from sex toy retailer Babeland.com (also probably nsfw, duh).

Click here to listen/subscribe

It all began with the prospect of a free burrito or burrito bowl at Chipotle. Innocent enough. The manager of Chipotle extended an offer to the company I work for, a marking effort to drum up some business for the new franchise down the street. I hadn’t been to one in years, but some of my co-workers invited me along and from what little I knew of Chipotle, I was confident I could find something that would be on my Weight Watchers plan. Even though I aware they were owned by McDonald’s, I also knew it was full of fresh ingredients, rice, and beans, all low fat alternatives.

Even though I was planning on being conservative and just ordering a salad, I considered this a big treat in comparison to my usual Lean Cuisines. I told the teenager behind the counter that I was on a diet and asked what she would recommend. She suggested the Chipotle Bowl, a burrito in a bowl, minus the tortilla. “The tortilla will kill ya,” she said.

It’s hard to believe that Chipotle is owned by McDonald’s. It just looked and tasted so healthy, and damn was it good! So good in fact, that I went again the next week. How could a salad “bowl” be so tasty? I could eat it everyday. In fact, it tasted so good, I started to become suspicious. I purposely asked for only a pinch of cheese, a smear of sour cream and a smear of guacamole, but something tasted fishy, as in McDonald’s Fish Sandwich caloric nightmare fishy.

That night, I went to look up my Chipotle diet treat, but nutrient and caloric information is suspiciously absent from their website. I had to go to www.chipotlefan.com to get the real scoop and it wasn’t pretty. I was so incredibly shocked by what I found out, I confirmed it on Weight Watchers online database, only to find out, even with my “smears”, we were talking 18 points. I only get 25 points a day!! So, I was eating 2/3 of my daily total on that asshole salad! Dieters BEWARE!!!!

In an effort to set the feminist movement back a hundred years, a strange Botox triangle aims to destroy the spirit of MILFs (muthas I’d like to %$#@) which includes the tutor of Pierce Brosnan’s children, the television pilot for “The Hottest Mom in America” and the pharmaceutical company that sponsors the Botox competition. Apparently, the business of vanity and mammas = law suits. The former celebrity brat tutor is Jessica Denay, who has founded www.hotmomsclub.com (and here I thought she stole the idea from us!) and wrote the book, “The Hot Mom’s handbook: Mom’s Have more Fun!”. She’s whoring branching out from celebrity endorsements to radio and TV shows (who would have ever guessed!). She’s trying to trademark the term, “Hot Mom” and “Hot Moms Club” and feels the show cheapens her branding. (I don’t think it’s the show actually.)

How do you trademark “hot mom” anyway? Does that mean nobody can ever write that again? I never got that…

So, hot moms are suing each other. I hope that it all results in a bunch of bitch slapping, cat fights and girls and men running like girls. Man, MILFs have really sold out.

“Hottest Mom in America” Audition