Remember the post about the conversation I recently had with my mother in law? It ended with the promise of another story from the Prescott family archives. I am a woman of my word (unless I forget which happens quite often.) The following story is not for the weak of constitutions. It is a real life account of what can happen when one has an overactive uterus and a long overdue second honeymoon in progress. Brace yourself…

After twenty three years of marriage, ten children and several thousand trips to the doctor, church and the school pick up line, Dean and Julie desperately needed some alone time. Being a one income family of twelve, did not allow for the luxury of a vacation, much less one without kids. So, when the opportunity for a business trip presented itself, it was a dream come true for the frazzled couple. Even though their destination was only a few hours away, by plane, Julie was a tad reluctant to leave her children. Sure, the older ones were more than capable of tending to the brood. Sure, they had wonderful neighbors who promised to help keep an eye on the house. However, leaving a house full of kids unattended was a little unsettling. Despite her worries, Dean and Julie took the trip to Utah.

Julie had given birth to eight feisty boys and two girls, at this point in life. The boys were notorious for performing dangerous stunts and getting into all kids of mischief. Julie had visited the emergency room so many times, that they practically knew the Prescott family by name. It was no surprise when one of the boys, fell out of a tall palm tree in the front yard, and suffered a broken arm and concussion. In fact, this particular child was such a jokester, that Julie playfully kicked him and laughed as he lay on the sidewalk. She was so used to falling prey to his tricks, that she never imagined that he was actually hurt. It was this type of thing that lay in the back of Julie’s mind as she unpacked her suitcase at the hotel. Thoughts of worst case scenarios flooded the unsettled mother’s mind. Finally, after much persuading from Dean, she breathed a sigh of relief and allowed herself to relax. As all of you parents know, those words written in a parenting story, always mean trouble…

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Okay, I lie. I’ve BEEN back but we are getting ready to relocate so I’ve been busy pretending to pack

Things that suck about moving with an infant:

Everything.

Things that don’t suck:

Finding a $25 gift card to Barnes and Noble under the bed!

Seriously though, lets talk about my current dilemma which is spring clothing. Post baby I do NOT enjoy clothes shopping because everything fits so strangely. Huge boobs that don’t fit into cute tank tops: check. Flabby stomach that, when paired up with a tunic top makes you look four months pregnant: Double check. I wish I could just wear cute nightgowns like the ones Anthropologie has all day long [oh and I wish I were rich enough to buy all of them...send me money?]

Momma’s: where do you shop. What clothes flatter a post-pregnancy body, and lastly: how good is Starbucks Java chip ice cream on a hot summer afternoon?

…more later, I’m totally going to get one now!

Oh and PS for those that were dying to know: Yes my honeymoon was lovely. We slept & ate carbs like it’s nobodies business.  We got wild in the hot tub for all of ten minutes until I decided it was “far too hot and making me sleepy…” we went hiking until we were out of breath [twenty minutes], and I called and checked on Paige 3x per day and referenced her about 175x per day. The second we were home I was sighing and slightly aggravated. Ahh motherhood!

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So as many of you know I got MARRIED. Like, officially. I promise tons of photos of my breasts popping out on the dance floor, and my daughter looking edible in her dress, and my husband on the verge of passing out when I edit them so I look 20lbs lighter get them back. Until then, lets discuss my latest saga: leaving the baby with grandma for five days while I go to Asheville North Carolina for my honeymoon.

First let me say I’m so excited I could pee a little. I’m going to sleep in everyday, sit and finish a cup of coffee before it gets cold, read a billion books, go to dinner and take my time, and drink wine…fart around in little shops…. okay I’m drooling a little thinking about it. But I’ve never been apart from my little Junebug for more than a night. I’m the biggest paranoid wimp EVER when it comes to other people taking care of her [cause when it's me and her she almost always ends up with a dog bone in her mouth, or unraveling spools of my ribbon....] Five days is a shit load of time.

You’re probably thinking “that lucky bitch shouldn’t be complaining cause she could just stay HOME..” and if you are thinking that I don’t really care, because as much as I’m going to miss my daughter I do need the time with my husband. So we can be “us” again instead of daddy and momma. Because it’s hard to be all romantic, and lovey when there’s an infant around..because sometimes we need to connect to be better parents and better partners?

Am I right?

Do you think people who go away and leave their babies behind are evil & selfish?

What’s the longest you’ve been away?

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