Mayim Bialik goes off the attachment parenting rails.

In case you haven’t heard, Mayim Hoya Bialik, the former child star of Blossom and current co-star of The Big Bang Theory is really into attachment parenting. She took time off from acting and earned her Phd in neuroscience and then she wrote a book espousing the benefits of attachment parenting after she had her two sons, born in 2005 and 2008. Never mind that there is zero proof that attachment parenting produces perfectly functioning and healthy children (as opposed to those who don’t don’t use AP methods) Bialik uses her degree to purport that “intellectually” attachment parenting makes sense.

So, co-sleeping, breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding, home birthing, baby wearing, toy banning (what a kill-joy), diaper banning and gentle, child led discipline is the method for “intellectually” superior folks.

What I find so hypocritical is that Bialik claims that she was less of a mother when she followed a rigid, traditional style of parenting and how baby wearing, co-sleeping and breastfeeding for 20 years (okay, I exaggerate) created the cohesive family unit and zen she was looking for. Good for her, but  it’s still a rigid path. It’s a narrow, self aggrandizing, subjective viewpoint which is totally unproven.

Letting your baby, toddler and child determine how to raise themselves, eating only organic food and breastfeeding for 20 years and letting kids shit wherever they want  is just as much of a plan as not doing those things.

It’s like, what’s your plan?

“Nothing?”

That’s your plan? “Nothing?”

“Yes.”

Okay, so I guess your plan is nothing.

But that’s not even why I’m writing this today.

I’m writing this because I saw a story on Bialik and about how she’s going back to work on The Big Bang Theory which made me wonder how long she’s been at that. (I don’t watch the show.) Apparently, she’s been working outside the home on this show and many others since at least 2009. Her second son was born in 2008, so that means, gasp, that Bialik didn’t have her sons attached to her 24/7.

I don’t know what it is exactly, but the bitch really annoys me.

I mean really, who cares what Blossom thinks. Who cares about Blossom’s parenting methods? Why is her life any more interesting or credible than anybody elses?

I think I’d much rather be in Team Heather McDonald (comedian) than Team Blossom anyway.

McDonald recently said in a New York Times article:

“Being a mother is part of who you are, but it should not be all of who you are. There is no parenting secret that ensures that your children will grow up and be successful adults. So why would you want to sacrifice your career, your financial security and oftentimes your happiness all in the name of motherhood? To me that is putting all your eggs in one basket, pun intended.

No, I did not breastfeed, make organic baby food or co-sleep with my children. I instead slept with their father, and I am still happily married to him today.”

Okay, so is this beautiful or disgusting? Great or offensive? Controversial or socially prudent?

Also, that kid is only three?? Child lead weaning must create super-giganto kids. Is it just us, or does that kid look like a line backer in the 3rd grade?

Lastly, why do mothers think they have to go to “extremes” to be “mom enough”, ie; good enough?

Those who breastfeed in public are so courageous and special. Photo via Femina Potens Gallery.

Another day, another ‘nurse-in’.

Time for my quarterly ‘I’m too kewl and genius for the room ”cause I breastfeed anywhere I want’ story. I write these as often as the new mommy cries for attention get national coverage and then I watch my Facebook and Twitter fans dwindle in response because I have dared to question the sanctity and moral relevance of the breast. I may be an asshole, but I would argue, it’s not for this reason.

This time, my nurse in eye-roll honors Michelle Hickman, a Houston, Texas mom who reportedly got offended when it was suggested to her that maybe she go into the ladies fitting room to nurse her baby instead of sitting smack in the middle of the filthy Target floor to nurse her kid. Of course, she lost her shit, played up all the false outrage she could muster and held her persecution high, waving the flag of the tortured and martyred soul of the repressed.

Forget that there are kids in Uganda who have their genitals cut off by Witch-doctors as part of common societal sacrifices. Forget that a blind and deaf 9-year-old girl was just bludgeoned to death and dismembered on the doorstep of her mother’s friend in Indiana. Forget that there are places where women aren’t allowed to drive or vote or speak to a man unless they ask her a question or give her permission or that little girls are forced to marry old men and have sex with them before they’ve even reach puberty, and that is common in some countries. The list goes on…but of course, the travesty of asking a mother if she’d rather not sit on the floor and nurse is grotesque, abhorrent torture that is of priority over all travesties in this world, right?

What I want to know…what makes her so fucking special? Does breastfeeding give you the right to just sit your ass down, in the middle of the store and tell everyone to fucking deal because you and your kid are so fucking special? Why would you be offended if asked if you’d be more comfortable breastfeeding in a fitting room? I would so rather breastfeed in a fitting room than on a the floor.

These chicks and their first world problems are as annoying as they are spoiled.

Reality check:  Your self importance is only minimized by your small world reference. While there are people out there who have legitimate battles and real problems in their lives, I hesitate to say, given the spiteful revenge of breastfeeding “victims”, that asking a woman if she’d be more comfortable in a fitting room (there’s a bench and privacy, something even bottle-feeding mothers would likely appreciate), is not a real problem. It’s not even close. It’s a made up problem of the ‘Real Housewives of xyz-city’.

How many babies have died in America because their moms were offended? How many babies have died in America because some cashier gave them a dirty look? For all the times that these human rights travesties happened, how many times have women successfully breastfed in public and lived to tell the tale? (Oh, I know. The last one is mundane and doesn’t give you a spot on Anderson Cooper nor does it give you a chance to be part of something that gives you self-worth and identity.)

Seriously, am I the only one asking, “Who the fuck cares???”

Jennifer Lopez is making big news after her April 5th People Magazine spread featuring her newborn twins. Is it because of the over-the-top ornate nursery? Her husband’s pink shirt? Or the very idea of her running down her driveway in high heels and evening wear pushing a pram for kicks? No, it’s because she said she chose not to breastfeed the twins. She gave a two-sentence explanation, “My mom didn’t breast feed and I think that was the thing for me. You read and figure out what’s the best thing for them.”

That opened the hatches and all hell broke loose. Just Google “Jennifer Lopez” and “breast feeding” and you’ll see a ton of links to blogs about what a bad example she’s setting for mothers everywhere. She’s being criticized for not only choosing to bottle feed, but also for her so-called “excuse.”

I’ve never been a fan of J.Lo. For a long time, I referred to her only as, “That Bitch Who Stole Ben Affleck,” of course that ended and the official title went to Jennifer Garner. But, I feel obligated to speak up in defense of J.Lo. now (Who knew I’d ever be pitying her?), because her rings and perfect hair don’t mean anything in the world of motherhood.

I’m a three-time breastfeeding failure. I made honest efforts with two of them (the first and third). The middle I just bottle fed from the start, because I was so anxious and frustrated after my experience with trying and failing with the first child and my run-ins with the zealous “lactivist” members, I didn’t even want to try. It still pains me that I failed with the two. I know with my whole self that I tried to the best of my abilities. That’s not to say that some other mother couldn’t have tried for longer and maybe been able to work through the same issues. But, I know that I made my personal best effort, and that’s the best I can do.

After all those years of mulling over the feelings and facts from my own standpoint, I can say that it doesn’t matter what reason a woman gives for not breast feeding. Often that reason is torn apart and criticized or it’s just not even true. When asked why I didn’t breast feed (and I’ve been asked in casual conversation countless times), I’ve found myself lying. It is such a raw and personal experience, and sometimes the truth is too revealing, leaving you too vulnerable to spit out to some doctor you’ve known for exactly three minutes, or some casual acquaintance at the park who may be genuinely interested, or may be looking to “re-educate” you about how you really could have succeeded if only this or that happened. She’ll tell you next time you should make sure you do this or that differently so you can “do things right” next time (with the implication that it’s all “wrong” with the current kid). Furthermore, some information is better not unleashed into a small, tight group of mothers who you have to see all the time and your kids have to associate with regularly. So, personally, I take Jennifer Lopez’s explanation with a grain of salt. Maybe it’s true, or maybe it’s not. The explanation was simply, from my experience, a two sentence statement to be read: This is what I chose, now leave me alone.

Maybe there should be some anonymous information bank somewhere, and women can leave detailed accounts of their experiences so that some big committee can examine it and use it to make changes to increase breastfeeding rates. Wouldn’t that be more constructive than bashing Jennifer Lopez on a blog?

Now, I know that breast feeders get bashed too. I’ve read some truly sick things in regards to public breast feeding and extended breast feeding. I know that those who choose to breast feed have their own battles, and I support them in their rights. But, really, so does everyone else. They have the World Health Organization, they have the American Academy of Pediatrics, and they have lawyers through LLL to help them with legal battles when their rights are being trampled. Being a breast feeder in today’s world is not a lonely choice. You can name a dozen celebrities off the top of your head who have breast fed and gone unblogged. But, you get this one and the world goes crazy.

Jennifer Lopez obviously loves those babies more than life. They will be raised in ridiculous opulence, given every privilege that a child could hope for. That such a deal is being made about her feeding method is disgusting. There are children born addicted to crack, with parents who abuse them impulsively or with premeditation. There are layers of festering illness that permeate family dynamics that we can’t even begin to understand. But, this woman’s feeding method is what is dominating our attention. And that’s supposed to make some sense?

I feel for Jennifer Lopez. I know what it’s like to make the unpopular choice, the choice that does not have science and world-wide medical establishments backing it. I know what it’s like to be asked to explain that choice and then suffer cruel criticism for the choice and the explanation. But, the truth is, while those who succeed at breastfeeding may be giving their children some health advantages, those of us who have treaded the territory of making the other choice get an earlier indoctrination into motherhood. This is the reality of it. You will make unpopular choices. You will choose your own sanity over the “right” thing sometime during your tenure, and later realize it was the best decision you could have made for everyone involved. You will also receive bad news at some point, and wonder whether you were the cause of it because of some choice you made on behalf of your child. Your idea of “right” will differ from someone else’s idea of “right” and you’ll question everything. This is motherhood. Get used to it.

But, what I hope from new mothers is that they won’t get so defensive of their methods that they cross the line and become malicious to other mothers who make different choices. We should give each other the benefit of the doubt, and assume that unless we’re shown otherwise, that other mother loves her child as much as we love ours. She’s as bright and caring as we are, and she’s reached her decision with as much thorough deliberation as we reach ours. And whatever that deliberation consisted of is none of our business. Because babies don’t need to be rescued from formula. They don’t need to be saved from baby-carriers or strollers and put in Maya wraps instead. Cribs are not cages. There is a very clear line in our legal system as to what constitutes abuse, and it is only insulting to those suffering from actual abuse to be focusing so much of our collective hostility on these differences of parenting practice. It’s almost like we’re looking for an excuse not to get our hands dirty with the real issues. And, ironically, so many of the little girls suffering this very minute in those real abusive conditions will be mothers themselves someday, and when asked what could have been done to help them succeed at breast feeding, they’ll give some flippant, unrelated answer, but they may be thinking You could have helped me fifteen years ago, instead of ranting about what a horrible mother Jennifer Lopez was.

An analysis by STATS.org, a non-partisan organization based out of George Mason University, is starting to question the campaign towards spinning statistics in order to guilt mothers into breastfeeding.

Why, you ask?…because it is highly political. Breastfeeding represents certain political, social and moral ideals while formula represents corporate America and women succumbing to the pressures of American society with short maternity leaves, an industry that contributes to environmental pollution and the sexualization of a woman’s breasts.

STATS.org offers some perspective in one of breastfeeding advocacy’s statistical weapons, a scare tactic about childhood cancer:

One notable addition to the list of ills which breast-feeding guards against, notes Orent, comes from a 400-page HHS Agency for Health Care Research and Quality study. It concludes that childhood leukemia is reduced by as much as 19 percent for breastfed babies, as compared to non-breastfed babies.

But given that there are approximately 30 leukemia cases in a million children, a 20 percent reduction due to breastfeeding avoids a risk of 1 in 150,000 that your child will develop leukemia; of these, 50 to 80% survive, depending on the type of leukemia. In other words, insisting that all women breast feed (and for more than six months) would save less than one life in 300,000.

While one could easily argue that saving one child’s life in 300,000 is something that our society should strive for, the actual stats are likely not to be statistically significant.

STATS.org goes on to ask us to consider this:

In other words, driving safely is more than twice as risky for death than not nursing and getting leukemia as a result.

And then, if you are genuinely concerned about risk, there are the approximately 203,000 kids who were injured as passengers in 2005. Yet, it’s hard to imagine any newspaper running an op-ed warning mothers to avoid letting their child inside a car, and chastising the government for being in league with the auto industry to suppress the risk.

If certain women wish to shape PUBLIC POLICY based on statistics, shouldn’t it be presented accurately and with fairness? Honestly, the whole idea of government mandating breastfeeding or creating social and political policies or possible tax breaks to women who breastfeed coupled with using propaganda to “punish” corporations leaves me contemptuous towards those who wish to force their agendas on me (or women on a whole). Women deserve better. Women deserve accurate information and they deserve to have a choice in the matter.

In my opinion, the zeal to empower women and lead them into certain social choices is in actuality, setting them back many years. Present the truth and let women decide. Nobody should be influenced by false representations, especially by their own government.