I didn’t think things could get much more weirder than they already are, but I am consistently and constantly proven wrong.

The latest, if you haven’t already heard, is the campaign to brand food with labels warning against children choking.

The whole thing sort of reminds me of that person who spilled hot coffee on themselves and sued McDonald’s because they got burned even though there was a warning right on the cup stating, Caution: HOT!

Which is to say, we are a nation who has lost their common sense.

The group [The American Academy of Pediatrics] is issuing a new policy statement calling on the government and manufacturers to implement a food labeling system warning parents of these risks.

“This is a call to action,” said Dr. Gary Smith, a pediatrician and immediate past chairman of the Committee on Injury, Violence and Poison Prevention of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

“For many years, the U.S. has protected children from choking on toys. We have legislation. We have regulation. We have voluntary standards. We have labeling. We have recall programs,” said Smith, also director of the Center for Injury, Research and Policy at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

They want to go so far as to recall foods that pose a risk of choking if necessary.

The American Academy of Pediatrics lists hot dogs as the highest risk food for young kids. Grapes, raw carrots, apples and peanuts are also dangerous.

So…..common sense should tell you to cut these foods up in smaller pieces. Seems logical. Or, don’t give these foods to your child.

This article sites this fact:

Choking kills more than 100 U.S. children 14 years or younger each year and thousands more — 15,000 in 2001 — are treated in emergency rooms.

While this fact is disheartening, AAP shouldn’t have to go so far as mandating choking warning labels for food. It seems overkill to me. There should be awareness, but not legislation.

…the American Academy of Pediatrics lists a few tips on its Web site to help parents with problem foods. It suggests parents:

• Cut hot dogs lengthwise and grapes in quarters. This changes the dangerous shape of the food, which can block throats of young children and even teenagers.

• Avoid giving toddlers other high-risk foods such as hard candy, nuts, seeds and raw carrots.

• Never let small children run, play or lie down while eating.

Okay. The above-it’s common sense. Why is it necessary for them to post this on their site? Are Americans really that incompetent? Or are companies making us think we are?

It’s no secret that the unhealthy American diet is contributing to an epidemic of obesity. But there’s another hidden epidemic that our fatty diets are at the root of: A national sex crisis.

Yep. A sex crisis. A NATIONAL sex crisis for God’s sake! Now, I don’t think that’s quite the problem round here lately. But this article, on the best and worst foods for your libido, proclaims we are in such an epidemic.

What can we do to avert this crisis? Let’s start with the foods that made the HOT list.

Bananas

No, it’s not just the suggestive shape — the healthy doses of potassium and B vitamins in bananas help boost the production of important sex hormones

Chocolate Covered Strawberries (this should be a no-brainer!)

This sexy combo isn’t just a Valentine’s Day gimmick. The phenyl ethylamine in chocolate releases the same hormone released during sex, and strawberries contain vitamin C, which helps libido. Plus, Italian researchers found that women who often eat chocolate have a higher sex drive than those who don’t. Just make sure the chocolate you’re using has at least 60 percent cacao for the maximum benefit.

The Ancient Pomegranate

Pomegranate contains boatloads of antioxidants, which can help increase blood flow to all parts of the body, including the genitals.

Asparagus! (who knew?)

It may not seem like a sexy veggie (especially when it’s steamed to the point of limpness –yikes), but asparagus is one of the oldest aphrodisiacs out there. And for good reason — asparagus is packed with vitamin E, which stimulates the production of sex hormones.

Of course, there is the (almost) universally enjoyed bar of choc-o-late. Dark chocolate, to be more specific. See the chocolate covered strawberries above.

Others that made the list: sirloin steak, Vanilla ice cream

Food that is NOT hot: Tomatoes, oysters, chili peppers, and (even if yummy) half a bottle of wine.

Burger King announced last week they’ll be reducing the sodium in meals for kids and in some items for adults in an effort to be, or appear, more healthy.

The nation’s No. 2 hamburger chain said it will now limit sodium in its kids meals advertised to children under 12 years old to 600 milligrams or less.

Virtually every major chain has rid the majority of its menu items, if not all of them, of trans fat, which raises the level of bad cholesterol in the body and can increase the risk of coronary heart disease. Others have added healthier items like salads and yogurt parfaits to their menus, partially marketing to moms looking for lower-calorie options when eating with their kids.

I have to say, I give them credit for at least trying. But really? They could do better.

Burger King and all fast-food chains can do what they like about adding ‘healthy’ to their menus. But after reading Fast Food Nation and watching Super Size Me, I think there are more issues to be addressed other than less sodium and the addition of more nutrients. Perhaps something along the lines of sanitation in the workplace and at the meatpacking plants, food preparation and the relentless advertising thrust at children.

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First we got amnesia about Christmas.

Now we, as a nation, have completely forgotten the true meaning of Thanksgiving. The reason for this sacred and special day.

We have rendered it no more than the girding up for frenzied Friday door buster sales and the shopping season that our nation’s retailers hang their hats - and NYSE ratings - upon.

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“Something’s gotta give,” my exasperated husband sighs as we both gaze desparingly upon our monthly bank statement. “What? What can we give?” We look over every detailed transaction. Gasoline…300 dollars per month. Groceries…1800 dollars per month. Doctor visits and prescriptions…125 dollars per month. The list of costs associated with raising our large family, in this modern day, is seemingly endless and far too overpriced. My new struggle with trying to balance frugality, while shopping for our health, has proven to be an enormously frustrating task. The conundrum of trying to fill my children’s tummies with organic goodness and simultaneuosly avoiding a negative checking account balance is a foe that I am acquainted with, against my will. I keep hoping that my foe will grow tired of the resistance to his efforts to ruin my shaky but stubborn balance and leave me alone, but he is more persistant than I had estimated him to be.

My maternal mission to live on one income has required me to completely forget about designer jeans and MAC counter make up. I’m forced into concerning myself with only the basics, now. I don’t even dare pick up a copy of Vogue, for fear that the reminiscent yearning for the latest fashions might birth feelings of inadequacy. Who the hell needs the stress of feeling fashionably inadequate when trying to put adequate food on the table? Not me. I’m learning to be content with my Target brand jeans and generic make up. There is no room for fashion snobbery in my life anymore. I french kissed it goodbye (hey…we had a torrid love affair for a long time) and will never look back. I simply cannot allow myself the luxury of that kind of fornication with seven kids to put through college, and apparently, even struggle to feed for the next umpteen years.

We have also recently come face to face with the financial demands of raising imperfect children. As imperfect as I know we are, as parents, there are more than just two imperfect humans who live under our crimson tiled roof. One son has an ADHD disorder that we strive to try and naturally cure. This translates into forking out a lot of money on extra vitamins, health supplements, organic foods, holistic health practictioners and literature on behavioral modification approaches. Trust me, medication is the cheaper “solution,” eventhough (for us) it is not the best route to take. We have kids who need medical procedures to put tubes in ears, remove adenoids and correct a serious tongue tie problem. We have hyperactive kids who need weekly athletic involvement in order to stave off wall climbing, which costs money. We have kids who grow at incredible rates. Rates that necessitate a larger sized shoe, only six weeks after purchasing the last new pair. I’m sorry to say, that God actively ignored my prayers for perfect children. This is not what I signed up for. Somehow, I ended up in the group of people that got assigned to be a parent of imperfect humans. Did anyone else, reading this, get put into the same group? Just curious!

So there we were, sitting at the organic apple sauce encrusted kitchen table, pondering ways to increase our cash flow or decrease our expenditures. We sat, two exhausted lumps of flesh and a piece of paper that seemed to scream from the top of its lungs, “What the hell were you two thinking, having all these kids?!” We did the only thing we knew to do… shake our heads and laugh. “Hey,” my husband tried to make light of our stressful moment,” if my parents did it, we can do it.” And he’s absolutely right. If his parents raised thirteen kids up to be happy, healthy adults, then surely we can raise half that amount. We will just cinch up our Target brand belts, make a few adjustments to our habits and keep on truckin’.  I got up from the table and poured each of us a glass of wine, as part of our nightly pre bedtime ritual, when my husband had an idea. ”Maybe we should stop having our nightly glass of wine. It will save a few bucks each week.” I looked over at the man who had just suggested cutting out the one thing that we get to share every night, besides a bed and cooties, as if to say, “Are you effing serious?” He chuckled at my expression of pure disgust and retracted the ridiculous statement by picking up his glass and toasting, “Here’s to our financial struggles, our child induced stress and the wine we get to share together for the rest of our lives. May the first two never interfere with the last!” As long as we can afford our weekly bottle of wine, I consider our lack of wealth a very minor side effect of being blessed with so many imperfect, yet wonderful, children. I’ll let you know if my sentiments change should we ever have to suppress our affinity for wine, due to lack of finances.