Long time — no ’see’. I have been busy with a new job and positive changes to my life. I’m sure the burning question regarding moi is whether or not I have fallen off the Weight Watchers Wagon™.

Truthfully, its yes and no.

Yes (I have fallen off the wagon), in the fact that I no longer spend as much of my free time on Weight Watchers online and I don’t even feel guilty about it! Conversely, I feel empowered by the choices I’ have learned to make through exercise and eating right. Ultimately, it is a mentality and state of mind. It’s about being healthy, not about looking like the next super model.

Looking better is merely a side effect of being in tune with what you put into your body and caring about your overall health. Of course, it took me wanting to look good to get to this point of food maturity, but feeling good, feeling healthy, having more energy gives me a basic feeling of reward and motivation and what has continued to sustain me.

No (I haven’t fallen off the wagon). I am no longer on a band wagon. I am just making better choices; about food, about life, about personal growth.

Now, lest I sound like Shirley McClain on steroids, this is the first time in my life, or at least since I’ve had children that I’ve felt in control of destiny. I’m sure it’s a combination of chaos falling neatly into place, but it is also because I can now wear clothing that has been locked away for several years. Lucky for me, I have NOT fallen victim to the “Brussels sprouts and carrot juice” diet. I’m simply at a point where I don’t have to count my calories anymore. I damn well know that if I have been good all week, that the occasional donut or two on the weekend isn’t going to hurt me, likewise, if I’ve been falling victim to the ‘buffet of sins’ at my office, I will skip the donuts on the weekend.

Fairly easy stuff. It only takes a moment of thought to gain control again. I am just too old to not care anymore. I want to be around for my children when they graduate high school and I want to have the energy and stamina to keep up with their young journey.

To health and wellness!

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Ha! Last week Weight Watchers scolds me for losing too much weight in one week (3 lbs.), so I take it in stride and follow the same path since increasing my calories did not seem like the most level-headed approach.  I know for sure I’m not starving myself. This week, my weigh-in proves more erratic with a 1 lb. weight gain. Weight Watchers responds with this smiley —–> .

WTF, neutral icon? (You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.)

Of course, Weight Watchers was quick to point out that ups and downs are part of the natural cycle of losing weight. I’ll see your natural cycle and raise you a menstrual cycle. It’s all very easily explained. Last week was the infamous “week off”, so I wasn’t retaining as much water. This week, I forgot one of those little, tiny, sacred, heavenly wonder-pills and wound up doubling up on one day (two boys are enough!). A very good explanation if I do say so myself. I will not be weakened by aunt flo and contraception.

So, no pictures this week. Next week, I promise!

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What do you want from me Weight Watchers?

I lost another 3 pounds this week. Thank you. Thank you. My pride and joy was soon squelched by a scolding downer when Weight Watchers proclaimed in a from response to me, on the very site I proudly entered in that 3 pound loss and charted it, that I was losing weight too rapidly. Three pounds is too rapid?? Give me a big, cellulite break!

They claim that “rapid” (again, I don’t think mine is rapid, especially given my weight), affects menstrual cycles and puts you at risk of gaining your weight back. They suggested that I increase calories. Well, now you’re talkin’! I think I definitely will be on board with that!

Quaker Oats Express Oatmeal is my new favorite snack food, and only has 3 points. I have it for lunch on Thursdays because that is veggie pizza night and I need to have a low points lunch.:

YUM.

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Okay, this is gonna be short and sweet this week because I have a lot going on and I’m really, really hungry this week. My body is definitely going into some sort of weird deprivation shock and not liking it, plus I was sick last week and didn’t exercise — again. Can’t it just hover above arctic temperatures long enough to allow me to get well? Is that too much to ask? Can I have some global warming love here in Chi-town?

I lost another 2 lbs. in spite of my misery.

My “diet” food pick of the week is only 1 points and it is a little zinger-like, slice of heaven. The lemon ones rule. I don’t normally like lemon, but it’s a love-fest between me and those 1 point miracles. The carrot cake is really good too, but a tiny bit dry. The chocolate tastes like ass. Stay away from the chocolate.

We’ve been getting them at Target and the local grocery when they’re not sold out. Stock up if you find ‘em. They’ve been catching on. So buy some. Today.

[Ed. note: I think it’s worth pointing out in this era of “pay per post” that Jessica’s opinions and suggestions are sincere — while she was provided a Weight Watchers membership for review purposes, no compensation has been received or offered.]

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Wow, has it been 6 weeks already? Time flies when you’re starving yourself.

Good news to report this week, I worked successfully through first plateau and lost another 2 lbs.!!! Since the weather has been too cold for walking, I used my stationary bike 3 times last week for 20 minutes per routine. I credit the varied exercise in getting over the prior weeks weight stand still.

At a birthday party I attended yesterday, I passed on the pizza (which was good Chicago pizza, not little kid, sweet spaghetti sauce pizza) and waited until we left at 2 pm to stop for a Wendy’s salad. The big obstacle there was - learning how to have fun (a challenge on a good day with my family as it is) while not eating the sweets and pizza and goodies that surrounded me, but I did it.

So, this week I thought I would bring you one my favorite fun snack “diet” foods or the foods/drinks I’m using as tools to achieve my weight loss success. In a way, this is a good time in modern history to be on a diet with all the improved “diet” food and drinks we have to choose from. I will try to feature a new suggested food item each week.

My first pick is Aquafina’s flavored waters and ALIVE water with antioxidants and vitamin B.

I’ve only tried the raspberry flavored water which contains:

0 calories / 0 fat / 0 carbs / 0 sugars / 130 mg sodium per bottle

I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve cut out sweets in general and indulging in whatever I wanted, but since I found out about this delightfully tasty water, well, it might as well be  cookie. Perhaps I am deprived, but it tastes like candy it’s so damn good!

For people that don’t drink a lot of water, I urge you to try it, and no, I have no vested interest in Aquafina, I just think they are geniuses of sweet tasting water. (Okay, now it’s starting to feel like 6 weeks.)

They also make another, which Prescott has taken a keen liking to:

The Aquafina ALIVE, which is the same flavored water, but with the vita-water craze infused with it. I’ve tried the berry pomegranate and it was super yummy as well.

They’re a little expensive, about twice the price as regular bottled water, but I only drink one a day, so fear not, my kids may still go to college after all.

If you try ‘em, let me know what you think.

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My mother gave me sage advice when I was a wild-child teen: “The people you are most attracted to, are the people that are bad for you. The ones you don’t desire are the ones that are good for you.”

That probably comes as an insult to my husband, but have no fear my dear, I truly feel like I got the best of both worlds with my significant other. However, I am finding that her advice is applicable to my diet. The things that look good and are pretty and charming to be around but have no substance are not what’s good for me on my diet. The ugly shit, the stuff I’m not attracted to and that in which I have no emotional connection to and no desire to indulge in is the shit that’s good for me.

I have done well so far. This week, I weighed in at 191 which is 4 lbs. lighter than I was last week. Yep, this loser feels pretty good about herself. It hasn’t been easy, there were nights I was hungry and sometimes my mind would wander with thoughts like, “I could be hit by a limo with a rock star in it tomorrow, and my last days will have been lived out sleeping with the uglies (ugly food).” How many times in the past has that caused me to fall off the wagon and then life zips by at breakneck pace only to find me with the same largish butt. This time, I’m not going to drown my sorrows in cookies I don’t appreciate because I allowed myself to believe my alter-ego.

Weight Watchers Flex Plan rules by the way. It’s fun and motivating and it makes sense. Most of all, it works. Today I noticed a tid-bit that puts it all into perspective:

If you lose 1 lb., that is equal to 4 sticks of butter being removed from your body.

If you lose 5 lbs., that is equivalent to losing a sack of potatoes off your body. (I’m almost there!)

If you lose 10 lbs., that is equivalent to losing 8 medium cantaloupes off your body.

If you lose 25 lbs., that is equivalent to losing 3 gallons of milk off your body. (Think of what it must feel like getting rid of that heavy load? I’m currently walking around with almost 6 gallons strapped to my body!)

So, MILFs and DILFs, as we head into week 2, keep your eyes on the prize. If you are currently tracking your own progress on your personal blog, email me at jessica (at) imperfectparent (dot) com and I will feature some of you over the coming weeks!

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As I confessed last week,I have been eating like a person on death row. In fact, I have been eating like every brownie, hamburger and cookie will be my last. I think I’ve managed to gain 8 lbs. over the last two weeks. I try to rationalize it — surely weight that has been put on so quickly will quickly melt off, right? Right? Someone? Anyone?

I signed up for Weight Watchers today and chose the flex points plan. Prescott and few others from The Imperfect Parent forum and our Cranky Mama blogger have said they would join me. This is so exciting! Some are deciding to go with Spark People because it’s free and for comparison’s sake because I’m such a big Weight Watcher’s Online fan. WW is such a no brainer. The plan I’m doing, you just enter your weight, your goal weight and it assigns points to whatever you eat. They provide a database of thousands of foods, or you enter the nutritional information if they don’t have it pre-loaded and it tells you how many points you used up. I get 25 points for my daily ration. If I exercise, I get points back. Sweet!

I am going to start off with an aerobics class 2X a week. I’ve heard that if you start off too aggressively, you’re more apt to quit. Sounds good to me! Twice a week it is! I also have an exercise bike in my bedroom that I found after releasing it from the burden of carrying clothes.

In effort to motivate, I am compiling a list of reasons to lose weight. Tony Robinson, the motivational speaker, said on a morning program the other day that in order to lose weight, you must have a very personal and really compelling reason to lose weight or else you’re doomed. Here are my 5 reasons, but I would love for readers to participate and add to the list:

1. Sleep better
2. Have more energy
3. Wear skinny jeans
4. Live longer
5. Not have to unbutton my pants while sitting at the computer a long time

The down and dirty details (as well as my complete humiliation) after the jump…

continue reading…

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I am so bored at the office, I take frequent coffee breaks and nibble on the buffet of indulgences that people bring in to grant them more excuses to leave their desk. I can’t complain about work, I have been doing pretty well and as a reward, I treat myself to some chocolate/chocolate Oreo cookies.

Over the holidays, I managed to get a lot done, so I ate my pounds in progress. Every reward this past year has somehow included food and I have to finally concede that at 37, I have a gut. Guts are ugly. I hate my gut. My gut and my butt — major areas of conflict and competition to see which can become bigger. Sometimes I just wondered how fat I could get without spontaneously exploding. My jeans pockets have started to tear at the seams. They have given a good fight but in the end, they just couldn’t keep it together.

I saw on CNN the other night that New Year’s resolutions only set yourself up for failure. So many experts, so much food, what’s a girl to do? You know what I say? Fuck the experts. That’s right, a New Year’s resolution is in order for my fat ass.

I hereby declare a new, fit resolution and declaration. If I am still a pudge-bucket in 6 months, then I will shame my family, my friends and the whole cyber-nation of moms who still believe there is hope.

Starting January 1, 2007, I am joining Weight Watchers Online and will be reviewing the program and its effectiveness (so far, the best part seems to be when you exercise, they give you food points BACK). I am signing up for an exercise class called “Fit Boot Camp” and this ass is grass.

Mark your calendars, I am going to post a picture of my fat ass next week, so stay tuned for that. In fact, I’m going to post pictures regularly (hopefully every week) along with my progress.

Next week starts the detox program. Who’s with me? C’mon, size 14 is the average size for women in this country, somebody out there has to be as fat as I am!

Whether I have fellow participants or not, I’m going to post an update and weight loss journal every Monday and my hope would be that sisters out there will share their stories too. We’re in this together, so put that pizza down and stop eating your kids teddy grahams — 2007 is our year. Let’s get our MILFness on!

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