Once upon a time I worked at a boy scout camp, and once upon a time I harbored a crush on a certain co-worker. One night we were at Friendly’s and he patted his seat urging me to come sit next to him….as we gazed into each others eyes over a sampler platter he told me I looked like I belonged on a farm (what with my sun streaked hair, freckles and all). He said I was the perfect “farm girl…” I thought that was hot.

Country bumpkins my friends, are hot. They’re all sunburnt noses and flimsy sundresses. They take baths in claw foot tubs after a long day making jam, and they leave the door open. They make love on giant four poster beds all creaking and clawing and there’s no air conditioning so everybody is a sweaty mess. Uh huh, that’s what I think when I think of “perfect farm girl…”

But I mean, I don’t live on a farm. I live on shitty Staten Island in a tiny apartment with too much stuff. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t suck too much, I do live within walking distance to a craft store and a TJ Maxx but as far as traffic, the general population, crime, shitty schools etc go I hate it. The private school has a huge sign hanging over it that says “DON’T KILL THE UNBORN BABIES…” it’s very welcome. So our lease is up in two months and we are getting the (pardon) fuck out. Debating city vs more rural suburb was easy. I don’t want to pay 3 grand for a tiny apartment when we both work from home. I want to drive fifteen minutes to get to Trader Joes. I’ve never drove! I want trees, flowers, and backyard for our dog to run around in. I want to let my cat roam the neighborhood.

So I’m happy and psyched to say Saturday we are going to peep our dream home. It’s a rent-to-buy (sup shitty market) but we are hoping to buy in a year or two. It’s got a detached garage so Phil can have a mancuary and I don’t even need to see him! Sitting in our living room! Working! Trying to prevent my daughter from playing with his USB cords! And it’s got 2 acres, and it’s only 15 minutes from my own fantastic mommy, and it has a room I can have all to myself for writing. I wanted to share my happiness! Lets pray we get it.

So what’s your take, city, or country bumpkin?

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