This weekend, in an effort to distract my one year old who was completely disconsolate due to cutting eight teeth all at once, I went shopping for a Halloween costume. My son immediately perked up and smiled at all of the interesting shrieking skeletons, weird creatures popping out of foam trash cans and flying bats.

My husband also smiled. Why? Due to all the disgusting female Halloween costumes.

Hmmm…so let’s just examine the options, OK?

I could be a firefighter–complete with hat, booty shorts and suggestive “fire hose” t-shirt. Or, I could be a referee–with a whistle, hat, tight striped t-shirt and booty shorts. Or even a policewoman dressed in a holster, badge, fishnet stockings and (say it with me) booty shorts.

My other option?

Disgusting witch. Pointy hat, long black tangled wig, green face makeup and rubber wart. And a long black shapless dress.

While I don’t have any desire to make a political statement during Halloween, Seriously? Our options are either witch or slut? C’mon, the costume companies aren’t even trying to hide THAT agenda.

It didn’t help that in one corner, there was simply a row of lingerie. Black bras, thongs, garter belts and pasties. Apparently, you don’t even need a real “costume” for Halloween. You can just wear underwear! No need to put on a pair of animal ears and try to pass as a sexy cat or something!

Christ.

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