Kids are dumb

Just another dumb kid. Ralph Wiggum t-shirt photo via myteespot.com

Have you ever asked a baby their thoughts on implementing a no fly zone over Libya? If you haven’t, try it. If you have older kids, ask a neighbor or friend if you can ask their baby an important question. I’ll put my Vegas odds on their inability to answer. You know why?

Because babies are dumb.

Kids are dumb. They know very little. While some kids more know than others, most kids under the age of 5 don’t even know their address and phone number.

As kids get older, they are only slightly less dumb than younger kids.

Adding to my list of why kids are dumb is a rumor perpetuated by pea brains about the origins of Silly Bandz. I’ll skip the obvious dumbness of the cheapo bracelet fad (which is now so 2010 BTW) and ask why the eff a kid would believe that Silly Bandz were made out of USED condoms. Eww. I actually ran across this gem of knowledge while doing some research on condoms (don’t ask). It got me thinking about the dark, dumb underworld of things that only kids believe.

Then, as my thought process internalized that information, I remembered some dumb-ass things I believed as a child. I was really into ghosts and spirits so I always thought my childhood dentist’s office was haunted. I used to love to summon evil spirits via my Ouija board until my mother thought my sister and I were getting too carried away when she would find me sleeping on the floor next to her bed.

I also called the police one time when I was 8 years old because I told them that I thought I saw a robber in the window of a neighbors house, which I later admitted that I hadn’t. I used to always think that the metal detectors at airports could read your mind, and if you thought about bad things while walking through them you would get arrested. I also believed that if you swallowed gum, it would stay in your stomach your entire life, undigested.

And while all children live up to their clichés, I believed as a pre-adolescent that you could get pregnant by using a tampon. I also believed that if an elevator should fall with me in it, I would be fine so long as I jumped before I hit the bottom.

You know why I believed these things? Because I was dumb.

What are some of the dumb things you believed as a dumb kid?