Jennifer Lopez is making big news after her April 5th People Magazine spread featuring her newborn twins. Is it because of the over-the-top ornate nursery? Her husband’s pink shirt? Or the very idea of her running down her driveway in high heels and evening wear pushing a pram for kicks? No, it’s because she said she chose not to breastfeed the twins. She gave a two-sentence explanation, “My mom didn’t breast feed and I think that was the thing for me. You read and figure out what’s the best thing for them.”

That opened the hatches and all hell broke loose. Just Google “Jennifer Lopez” and “breast feeding” and you’ll see a ton of links to blogs about what a bad example she’s setting for mothers everywhere. She’s being criticized for not only choosing to bottle feed, but also for her so-called “excuse.”

I’ve never been a fan of J.Lo. For a long time, I referred to her only as, “That Bitch Who Stole Ben Affleck,” of course that ended and the official title went to Jennifer Garner. But, I feel obligated to speak up in defense of J.Lo. now (Who knew I’d ever be pitying her?), because her rings and perfect hair don’t mean anything in the world of motherhood.

I’m a three-time breastfeeding failure. I made honest efforts with two of them (the first and third). The middle I just bottle fed from the start, because I was so anxious and frustrated after my experience with trying and failing with the first child and my run-ins with the zealous “lactivist” members, I didn’t even want to try. It still pains me that I failed with the two. I know with my whole self that I tried to the best of my abilities. That’s not to say that some other mother couldn’t have tried for longer and maybe been able to work through the same issues. But, I know that I made my personal best effort, and that’s the best I can do.

After all those years of mulling over the feelings and facts from my own standpoint, I can say that it doesn’t matter what reason a woman gives for not breast feeding. Often that reason is torn apart and criticized or it’s just not even true. When asked why I didn’t breast feed (and I’ve been asked in casual conversation countless times), I’ve found myself lying. It is such a raw and personal experience, and sometimes the truth is too revealing, leaving you too vulnerable to spit out to some doctor you’ve known for exactly three minutes, or some casual acquaintance at the park who may be genuinely interested, or may be looking to “re-educate” you about how you really could have succeeded if only this or that happened. She’ll tell you next time you should make sure you do this or that differently so you can “do things right” next time (with the implication that it’s all “wrong” with the current kid). Furthermore, some information is better not unleashed into a small, tight group of mothers who you have to see all the time and your kids have to associate with regularly. So, personally, I take Jennifer Lopez’s explanation with a grain of salt. Maybe it’s true, or maybe it’s not. The explanation was simply, from my experience, a two sentence statement to be read: This is what I chose, now leave me alone.

Maybe there should be some anonymous information bank somewhere, and women can leave detailed accounts of their experiences so that some big committee can examine it and use it to make changes to increase breastfeeding rates. Wouldn’t that be more constructive than bashing Jennifer Lopez on a blog?

Now, I know that breast feeders get bashed too. I’ve read some truly sick things in regards to public breast feeding and extended breast feeding. I know that those who choose to breast feed have their own battles, and I support them in their rights. But, really, so does everyone else. They have the World Health Organization, they have the American Academy of Pediatrics, and they have lawyers through LLL to help them with legal battles when their rights are being trampled. Being a breast feeder in today’s world is not a lonely choice. You can name a dozen celebrities off the top of your head who have breast fed and gone unblogged. But, you get this one and the world goes crazy.

Jennifer Lopez obviously loves those babies more than life. They will be raised in ridiculous opulence, given every privilege that a child could hope for. That such a deal is being made about her feeding method is disgusting. There are children born addicted to crack, with parents who abuse them impulsively or with premeditation. There are layers of festering illness that permeate family dynamics that we can’t even begin to understand. But, this woman’s feeding method is what is dominating our attention. And that’s supposed to make some sense?

I feel for Jennifer Lopez. I know what it’s like to make the unpopular choice, the choice that does not have science and world-wide medical establishments backing it. I know what it’s like to be asked to explain that choice and then suffer cruel criticism for the choice and the explanation. But, the truth is, while those who succeed at breastfeeding may be giving their children some health advantages, those of us who have treaded the territory of making the other choice get an earlier indoctrination into motherhood. This is the reality of it. You will make unpopular choices. You will choose your own sanity over the “right” thing sometime during your tenure, and later realize it was the best decision you could have made for everyone involved. You will also receive bad news at some point, and wonder whether you were the cause of it because of some choice you made on behalf of your child. Your idea of “right” will differ from someone else’s idea of “right” and you’ll question everything. This is motherhood. Get used to it.

But, what I hope from new mothers is that they won’t get so defensive of their methods that they cross the line and become malicious to other mothers who make different choices. We should give each other the benefit of the doubt, and assume that unless we’re shown otherwise, that other mother loves her child as much as we love ours. She’s as bright and caring as we are, and she’s reached her decision with as much thorough deliberation as we reach ours. And whatever that deliberation consisted of is none of our business. Because babies don’t need to be rescued from formula. They don’t need to be saved from baby-carriers or strollers and put in Maya wraps instead. Cribs are not cages. There is a very clear line in our legal system as to what constitutes abuse, and it is only insulting to those suffering from actual abuse to be focusing so much of our collective hostility on these differences of parenting practice. It’s almost like we’re looking for an excuse not to get our hands dirty with the real issues. And, ironically, so many of the little girls suffering this very minute in those real abusive conditions will be mothers themselves someday, and when asked what could have been done to help them succeed at breast feeding, they’ll give some flippant, unrelated answer, but they may be thinking You could have helped me fifteen years ago, instead of ranting about what a horrible mother Jennifer Lopez was.

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Okay, so our site logs lead me to it…a breastfeeding.com thread in which a link to an Imperfect Parent column sparked many tangents on a debate board. Kelly Cunningham’s essay, “Don’t Even Bother: The Case Against Childbirth Education Calsses” was the target of scoff in a thread entitled: Everything wrong with birth in our birth culture. Basically, the old “natural birth vs. assisted birth” debate made for old-school debate fodder when it took a surprisingly sharp turn into the bowels of maternal control and rage, accusing doctors who intervened during the sacred process of birthing and interfering with their birthing desires, as a crime and psychological significant of being raped.

Then they argued as to whether it was rape or assault and who had actually been raped and who was qualified to categorize it as “rape”.

Yep. They call it “birth rape”.

So to all the fine, imperfect people out there, can medical intervention be classified as “rape”, if it is against the implied, specific or vague birth plan of the mother? If you wish to read where the “birth rape” started, go to page 33, post #323.

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An analysis by STATS.org, a non-partisan organization based out of George Mason University, is starting to question the campaign towards spinning statistics in order to guilt mothers into breastfeeding.

Why, you ask?…because it is highly political. Breastfeeding represents certain political, social and moral ideals while formula represents corporate America and women succumbing to the pressures of American society with short maternity leaves, an industry that contributes to environmental pollution and the sexualization of a woman’s breasts.

STATS.org offers some perspective in one of breastfeeding advocacy’s statistical weapons, a scare tactic about childhood cancer:

One notable addition to the list of ills which breast-feeding guards against, notes Orent, comes from a 400-page HHS Agency for Health Care Research and Quality study. It concludes that childhood leukemia is reduced by as much as 19 percent for breastfed babies, as compared to non-breastfed babies.

But given that there are approximately 30 leukemia cases in a million children, a 20 percent reduction due to breastfeeding avoids a risk of 1 in 150,000 that your child will develop leukemia; of these, 50 to 80% survive, depending on the type of leukemia. In other words, insisting that all women breast feed (and for more than six months) would save less than one life in 300,000.

While one could easily argue that saving one child’s life in 300,000 is something that our society should strive for, the actual stats are likely not to be statistically significant.

STATS.org goes on to ask us to consider this:

In other words, driving safely is more than twice as risky for death than not nursing and getting leukemia as a result.

And then, if you are genuinely concerned about risk, there are the approximately 203,000 kids who were injured as passengers in 2005. Yet, it’s hard to imagine any newspaper running an op-ed warning mothers to avoid letting their child inside a car, and chastising the government for being in league with the auto industry to suppress the risk.

If certain women wish to shape PUBLIC POLICY based on statistics, shouldn’t it be presented accurately and with fairness? Honestly, the whole idea of government mandating breastfeeding or creating social and political policies or possible tax breaks to women who breastfeed coupled with using propaganda to “punish” corporations leaves me contemptuous towards those who wish to force their agendas on me (or women on a whole). Women deserve better. Women deserve accurate information and they deserve to have a choice in the matter.

In my opinion, the zeal to empower women and lead them into certain social choices is in actuality, setting them back many years. Present the truth and let women decide. Nobody should be influenced by false representations, especially by their own government.

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The World Health Organization recommends you nurse a toddler until 2 years old, basing that off of available resources of third world countries. In countries where adequate nutrition is accessible, is this necessary or could it even be harmful if based strictly on societal taboos? Should our society be more open to the potential nurturing advantages of extending breastfeeding?

Food for thought…

If a child in a third world country remembers drinking milk from his/her mother’s breast, surely that memory would be one of thankfulness for the meeting of needs such as nourishment and possible survival. If a child from a developed country remembers drinking from a mother’s breast, can or will he/she feel the same way?

In some cases, there are mothers who continue to nurse children who have turned 4 or even 5 years old, which is old enough to enter kindergarten, believing their children will reap nutritional benefits.

“The idea of breast-feeding a child until they’re a preschooler is still fairly restricted to a small group of women, or at least, it’s kept in the closet,” said ABC News parenting contributor Ann Pleshette Murphy.

The practice of extended nursing has sparked heated controversy because some disagree about when it is no longer appropriate to breast-feed children.

Some critics say breast-feeding too long could potentially stunt child development. Read the rest…

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I can’t wait until men start crying “reverse discrimination” based on South Carolina’s Breastfeeding Action Committee’s interference support on the behalf of a mother who is fighting for sole custody of her 8 1/2 month old baby, on grounds that she’s breastfeeding.

As unpopular as my opinion’s going to be, that has never stopped me from voicing it, so here it goes:

1) having kids is unpredictable and usually involves an equal partner, whom you make a commitment with and who is half of the makeup of your childs DNA (usually)

2) breastfeeding moms are no guarantee of superior parenting skills, it wouldn’t surprise me if Andrea Yates breastfed her children

3) The “Breastfeeding Action Committee” bases what’s best for babies based solely on breastfeeding, a overly-simplistic assumption based on little information

4) There are safe alternatives to breastfeeding in South Carolina, including expressed breast milk

5) A father has rights too. If you don’t want a man in the picture, have some sperm donated.

6) Pump for a few days or a week, it won’t kill you or your baby

7) Work out a compromise, you go to the baby a few times a day and nurse, and have Dad bring the baby to you a few times a day to nurse

8) This claim can only take you so far and last for so long. The baby in question is now 8 months old. A few days off from a moms breast is not going to kill him.

9) This sounds like an excuse

10) This quote from the mom, “That’s what women were made for.  They’re made to nurture babies.  That’s why women have breasts,” Garris told News 2’s Jenny Fisher,” makes me want to point out that she should speak for herself. I don’t believe that is what women are for. I think I’m much more than a milk provider, and in my case, it wasn’t breastfeeding that defined my reason for existence, since I didn’t do it for very long anyway. I’d rather not be a woman if my only reason for being “made” was to milk a baby.

From WCBD-TV/DT NBC - Charleston, NC:

The South Carolina Breastfeeding Action Committee is stepping in to monitor this custody case…and another one.  They say babies need breast milk.  Allison Lanford Smith, a SCBAC representative says, “The long-term health benefits of breastfeeding decrease obesity, diabetes and asthma.”

SCBAC wants legislation passed, allowing breast feeding moms custody of their children, unless the child is in danger.  Currently, three states focus on breastfeeding when judges rule on custody disputes.  They are: Maine, Michigan and Utah.

The committee says the effort does not limit the father’s role in his child’s life.  Jenny asked Landford Smith, “Why couldn’t the baby’s father say, ‘Why don’t you pump your breast milk and I’ll give the baby that?’  He could easily argue that she does not need custody to breastfeed the baby.”  Landford Smith said, “Right.  I understand that.  It’s easy for mom’s to breastfeed at work, because it’s just several hours in a day, but when it’s at night, for several days at a time, with another parent, it’s very difficult for a mom, with a breast pump, to keep up her milk supply.”

Carl Garris declined to talk with us, but Melissa Garris says she wants legislation to make sure other nursing moms don’t go through an emotional and costly battle for their babies.

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Kati Kim, wife of the deceased James Kim, who died of hypothermia after venturing out of a  desolate road covered in snow and ice, saved her children via breastfeeding. Her daughters, ages 7 months and 4 years, survived because their mother nursed them.

Unbeknownst to the Kims, a wrong turn would prove to be a fatal one for the father who put his life on the line to save his family.

From sfgate.com:

James Kim set out for help Saturday morning after the family had already spent a week stranded 15 miles down a logging road off Bear Camp Road. Kim left because he and his wife, Kati, had been studying a map that they thought indicated Galice was only four miles away, Hastings said.

“In reality, it was 15 miles away,” he said. “He thought if he could get to the road (with other vehicles on it), he could figure out help.”

His is survived by his wife and two young daughters, and was only able to survive as long as they did becaue their mother kept them hydrated with the highly nutritious food source from her own body.

Even though I am a huge advocate in infant feeding choice, I do think this is a tangible instance where breastfeeding advocates have the right to be proud. When you think of Hurricane Katrina and how many babies suffered as a direct result of inaccessible baby formula, it reminds us of what a powerful tool lactation can be.

From abcnews.com:

Remarkably, Kim’s daughters, 4-year-old Penelope and 7-month-old Sabine, were reported to be in good condition after the ordeal.

The key to this fortunate ending may have been the fact that Kim breast-fed both of them to keep them alive amid the harsh conditions once no other food was available.

Experts say the episode suggests how mother’s milk, in a disastrous pinch, can make the difference in whether a child survives.

“The fact that Kati Kim was able to breast-feed both of her children for the amount of time that they were stranded most likely was lifesaving for them,” says Dr. Sheela Geraghty, assistant professor of pediatrics and medical director at the Center for Breastfeeding Medicine at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center in Cincinnati.

“Breast milk not only provides the calories needed to sustain life, it also helps prevents dehydration,” Geraghty says.

A picture of Kati Kim and infant daughter Sabine after rescue (AP

Lest a formula feeding mom feel guilty, I think that although breastfeeding can be a powerful tool of survival in a disasterous situation, a formula feeding mom can be prepared. If you are going on a road trip, it would be wise to bring bottled water and cans, or better yet, a case of formula with you — ready made formula is even better.

Also, a woman can induce lactation, especially if she has recently breastfed in the past or in the last several months, but being prepared is a much safer bet that inducing lactation undire dire circumstanes. Lactation induction can take a day, even weeks to establish, but can be done in women who have never even breastfed before, proving yet again, how miraculous the human body is.

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I have an 18 month old baby girl who is still breastfed. This is neither my darkest nor deepest secret, but it’s something that causes me mild discomfort in the world of momdom. As someone who has argued against breastfeeding totalitarianism, and generally pokes fun at people who breastfeed their kids until they can drop the car keys on the night stand and declare “Hey Mom, I’m home. How about the boob?” I’m somewhat embarrassed by my prolonged nursing.

Obviously, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding my daughter. I’m as surprised as my cranky formula feeding gal pals that this whole episode has lasted as long as it has. And while I’m technically in favor of trying to wean her sometime soon, the truth is it’s much harder to cut her off than I thought it would be. I’m not a super huge fan of nursing, per se. I don’t enjoy being munched on, pulled, and prodded. I don’t particularly love it when she yells “Booob! Booob!” in a room full of people. But I do love her dearly. And she’s my last child. When we stop breastfeeding, that will be it. Her babyhood will be officially over.

The other issue is that I don’t want to be lumped in with the “breast is best” crowd, knowing firsthand the pressure and difficulties faced by an unsuccessful nursing episode (I didn’t breastfeed my twins). I subscribe to the school of thought that it’s not what you feed, it’s how you feed that matters.

New moms could be saved so much trouble and upset if they were saved from their rigid beliefs about breastfeeding as the only option for “good parents.”

Because I don’t think breast is always best.

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Who would have thought that breastfeeding would have so many advantages? And I???��?�?m not talking about the whole brain development thing. Yeah, that???��?�?s important, but everyone knows that breastfeeding is good for babies???��?�? development. I???��?�?m talking about the lesser-known but equally wonderful advantages of breastfeeding. Like take this one for instance:

Breastfeeding will fend off a phone solicitor faster than you can say ???��?�booby milk.???��??

Let me explain. I can???��?�?t tell you how many times I sit down to dinner only to hear the phone ring. Yeah, I should ignore it, but I don???��?�?t. And then I regret it because it???��?�?s usually a phone solicitor trying to sell me a new mortgage or a fancy set of golf clubs or something else I completely don’t need. Now my problem is that I find it excrutiatingly painful to cut them off and just hang up. So I try any polite excuse to get them off the phone first - like I???��?�?m eating dinner right now, I can???��?�?t afford it, I don???��?�?t golf, etc. However, these excuses rarely work, and five minutes later my dinner is cold.

Well, no longer! I have finally found the solution to ward off these pesky solicitors. Just tell ???��??em you???��?�?re breastfeeding! You won???��?�?t believe how well it works. You???��?�?ll be amazed that they have no scripted retort, like ???��?�Well, you???��?�?re breasts will be there in 5 minutes, let me just tell you about this great time share deal???��?�???��?? But no! They???��?�?re actually speechless and can???��?�?t hang up the phone fast enough.

Now, some of you may be thinking: But I don???��?�?t breastfeed! Well, the beauty of this tactic is that they can???��?�?t see you so it doesn???��?�?t matter. In fact, I???��?�?m rarely breastfeeding when I use the excuse! And if you???��?�?re a man, you can use a variation on it. Just say, ???��?�My wife is breastfeeding. I???��?�?m sorry we can???��?�?t talk right now.???��?? You might think this won???��?�?t work because hey, why would your wife breastfeeding prevent you from talking on the phone. But my theory is that the mere mention of the word ???��?�breast???��?? will throw them so off guard that they???��?�?ll have no choice but to hang up.

This works equally well with door-to-door solicitors. I know because my husband has used it more than once. If there???��?�?s someone at the door that he doesn???��?�?t want to talk to he just says, ???��?�My wife is breastfeeding. Please respect our privacy.???��?? Works like a charm! And again, the beauty of this is that you don???��?�?t really need a wife who???��?�?s breastfeeding. Heck, you don???��?�?t even need a wife! And if you???��?�?re a little older, just say that your daughter is breastfeeding. Feel free to try it sometime. I guarantee you it will work.

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After stumbling upon Jessica’s recent post about Toys ‘R Us allegedly harrassing a breastfeeding mother, TRU’s PR manager forwarded us two letters that went out today to the New York Civil Liberties Union in a clear effort to try and stave off the NYCLU’s veiled threat of a lawsuit. One is from Gerald L. Storch, Chairman and CEO of TRU, the other, from Mindy Clements, the general manager of the Times Square TRU store where this all took place, who says she is “also a new mother” and that she feels she is “especially sensitive to issues involving a mother’s right to breastfeed where she chooses”.

Of course, these are most assuredly carefully crafted bits of PR, but given that this whole incident seems to be hearsay and in the interest of objectivity, I’m reprinting both letters here. Read them in their entirety after the jump:

continue reading…

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According to the New York Sun, a woman who was breastfeeding in a NYC Toys ‘R Us was asked by several sales associates to move to their private nursing room in the store’s basement. The controversy stems from how and why she was asked. Toys ‘R Us is claiming that the associates merely asked her if she would be more comfortable in the private area. The mother claims that they told her breastfeeding in the middle of so many families and children was not appropriate. By the time this alleged snafu escalated to what might have elicited further action, the mother was done breastfeeding and went about her business.

The New York Civil Liberties Union says that if TRU doesn’t educate their employees and offer a public apology, they will sue them for violating this woman’s civil rights. The kicker is that in their own press release listed on the ACLU website, they threaten to sue for “compensation”.

FOR WHAT?! At most this women was offended. She was not evicted from the store, she was not denied being able to shop there. Is this what we’ve come to? Should we compensate people just for being offended?

If what TRU is claiming to be true, that she was simply asked if she would feel more comfortable in a more isolated location (which I know some breastfeeding women would be), is that an actionable offense? Perhaps many associates asked, just like how you get asked by 5 salespeople if they can help you, but so what? One associate may not know that somebody has already approached them. It happens all the time.

What exactly are her damages?

I support civil rights, in fact I think we should have more rights and less government intrusion into our lives, yet the NYCLU is contridicting their original intentions by taking away one’s right to be ignorant and say something offensive and naive. Holding corporations hostage for the political intelligence and savvyness of their employees is outrageous. Ideally, TRU probably should include training on the right to breastfeed in public, but are they to be held accountable for a particular person’s sensitivity too?

I say, if you don’t like a rude associate, don’t continue to shop at such a place. Allow consumers to “punish” TRU if they think that’s appropriate, but must we use breastfeeding as a tool to push social and political censorship of unpopular opinion or saying something that is seemingly innocuous, but offensive to those with a particular agenda?

From www.nysun.com

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