Jennifer Lopez is making big news after her April 5th People Magazine spread featuring her newborn twins. Is it because of the over-the-top ornate nursery? Her husband’s pink shirt? Or the very idea of her running down her driveway in high heels and evening wear pushing a pram for kicks? No, it’s because she said she chose not to breastfeed the twins. She gave a two-sentence explanation, “My mom didn’t breast feed and I think that was the thing for me. You read and figure out what’s the best thing for them.”

That opened the hatches and all hell broke loose. Just Google “Jennifer Lopez” and “breast feeding” and you’ll see a ton of links to blogs about what a bad example she’s setting for mothers everywhere. She’s being criticized for not only choosing to bottle feed, but also for her so-called “excuse.”

I’ve never been a fan of J.Lo. For a long time, I referred to her only as, “That Bitch Who Stole Ben Affleck,” of course that ended and the official title went to Jennifer Garner. But, I feel obligated to speak up in defense of J.Lo. now (Who knew I’d ever be pitying her?), because her rings and perfect hair don’t mean anything in the world of motherhood.

I’m a three-time breastfeeding failure. I made honest efforts with two of them (the first and third). The middle I just bottle fed from the start, because I was so anxious and frustrated after my experience with trying and failing with the first child and my run-ins with the zealous “lactivist” members, I didn’t even want to try. It still pains me that I failed with the two. I know with my whole self that I tried to the best of my abilities. That’s not to say that some other mother couldn’t have tried for longer and maybe been able to work through the same issues. But, I know that I made my personal best effort, and that’s the best I can do.

After all those years of mulling over the feelings and facts from my own standpoint, I can say that it doesn’t matter what reason a woman gives for not breast feeding. Often that reason is torn apart and criticized or it’s just not even true. When asked why I didn’t breast feed (and I’ve been asked in casual conversation countless times), I’ve found myself lying. It is such a raw and personal experience, and sometimes the truth is too revealing, leaving you too vulnerable to spit out to some doctor you’ve known for exactly three minutes, or some casual acquaintance at the park who may be genuinely interested, or may be looking to “re-educate” you about how you really could have succeeded if only this or that happened. She’ll tell you next time you should make sure you do this or that differently so you can “do things right” next time (with the implication that it’s all “wrong” with the current kid). Furthermore, some information is better not unleashed into a small, tight group of mothers who you have to see all the time and your kids have to associate with regularly. So, personally, I take Jennifer Lopez’s explanation with a grain of salt. Maybe it’s true, or maybe it’s not. The explanation was simply, from my experience, a two sentence statement to be read: This is what I chose, now leave me alone.

Maybe there should be some anonymous information bank somewhere, and women can leave detailed accounts of their experiences so that some big committee can examine it and use it to make changes to increase breastfeeding rates. Wouldn’t that be more constructive than bashing Jennifer Lopez on a blog?

Now, I know that breast feeders get bashed too. I’ve read some truly sick things in regards to public breast feeding and extended breast feeding. I know that those who choose to breast feed have their own battles, and I support them in their rights. But, really, so does everyone else. They have the World Health Organization, they have the American Academy of Pediatrics, and they have lawyers through LLL to help them with legal battles when their rights are being trampled. Being a breast feeder in today’s world is not a lonely choice. You can name a dozen celebrities off the top of your head who have breast fed and gone unblogged. But, you get this one and the world goes crazy.

Jennifer Lopez obviously loves those babies more than life. They will be raised in ridiculous opulence, given every privilege that a child could hope for. That such a deal is being made about her feeding method is disgusting. There are children born addicted to crack, with parents who abuse them impulsively or with premeditation. There are layers of festering illness that permeate family dynamics that we can’t even begin to understand. But, this woman’s feeding method is what is dominating our attention. And that’s supposed to make some sense?

I feel for Jennifer Lopez. I know what it’s like to make the unpopular choice, the choice that does not have science and world-wide medical establishments backing it. I know what it’s like to be asked to explain that choice and then suffer cruel criticism for the choice and the explanation. But, the truth is, while those who succeed at breastfeeding may be giving their children some health advantages, those of us who have treaded the territory of making the other choice get an earlier indoctrination into motherhood. This is the reality of it. You will make unpopular choices. You will choose your own sanity over the “right” thing sometime during your tenure, and later realize it was the best decision you could have made for everyone involved. You will also receive bad news at some point, and wonder whether you were the cause of it because of some choice you made on behalf of your child. Your idea of “right” will differ from someone else’s idea of “right” and you’ll question everything. This is motherhood. Get used to it.

But, what I hope from new mothers is that they won’t get so defensive of their methods that they cross the line and become malicious to other mothers who make different choices. We should give each other the benefit of the doubt, and assume that unless we’re shown otherwise, that other mother loves her child as much as we love ours. She’s as bright and caring as we are, and she’s reached her decision with as much thorough deliberation as we reach ours. And whatever that deliberation consisted of is none of our business. Because babies don’t need to be rescued from formula. They don’t need to be saved from baby-carriers or strollers and put in Maya wraps instead. Cribs are not cages. There is a very clear line in our legal system as to what constitutes abuse, and it is only insulting to those suffering from actual abuse to be focusing so much of our collective hostility on these differences of parenting practice. It’s almost like we’re looking for an excuse not to get our hands dirty with the real issues. And, ironically, so many of the little girls suffering this very minute in those real abusive conditions will be mothers themselves someday, and when asked what could have been done to help them succeed at breast feeding, they’ll give some flippant, unrelated answer, but they may be thinking You could have helped me fifteen years ago, instead of ranting about what a horrible mother Jennifer Lopez was.

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Okay, so our site logs lead me to it…a breastfeeding.com thread in which a link to an Imperfect Parent column sparked many tangents on a debate board. Kelly Cunningham’s essay, “Don’t Even Bother: The Case Against Childbirth Education Calsses” was the target of scoff in a thread entitled: Everything wrong with birth in our birth culture. Basically, the old “natural birth vs. assisted birth” debate made for old-school debate fodder when it took a surprisingly sharp turn into the bowels of maternal control and rage, accusing doctors who intervened during the sacred process of birthing and interfering with their birthing desires, as a crime and psychological significant of being raped.

Then they argued as to whether it was rape or assault and who had actually been raped and who was qualified to categorize it as “rape”.

Yep. They call it “birth rape”.

So to all the fine, imperfect people out there, can medical intervention be classified as “rape”, if it is against the implied, specific or vague birth plan of the mother? If you wish to read where the “birth rape” started, go to page 33, post #323.

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An analysis by STATS.org, a non-partisan organization based out of George Mason University, is starting to question the campaign towards spinning statistics in order to guilt mothers into breastfeeding.

Why, you ask?…because it is highly political. Breastfeeding represents certain political, social and moral ideals while formula represents corporate America and women succumbing to the pressures of American society with short maternity leaves, an industry that contributes to environmental pollution and the sexualization of a woman’s breasts.

STATS.org offers some perspective in one of breastfeeding advocacy’s statistical weapons, a scare tactic about childhood cancer:

One notable addition to the list of ills which breast-feeding guards against, notes Orent, comes from a 400-page HHS Agency for Health Care Research and Quality study. It concludes that childhood leukemia is reduced by as much as 19 percent for breastfed babies, as compared to non-breastfed babies.

But given that there are approximately 30 leukemia cases in a million children, a 20 percent reduction due to breastfeeding avoids a risk of 1 in 150,000 that your child will develop leukemia; of these, 50 to 80% survive, depending on the type of leukemia. In other words, insisting that all women breast feed (and for more than six months) would save less than one life in 300,000.

While one could easily argue that saving one child’s life in 300,000 is something that our society should strive for, the actual stats are likely not to be statistically significant.

STATS.org goes on to ask us to consider this:

In other words, driving safely is more than twice as risky for death than not nursing and getting leukemia as a result.

And then, if you are genuinely concerned about risk, there are the approximately 203,000 kids who were injured as passengers in 2005. Yet, it’s hard to imagine any newspaper running an op-ed warning mothers to avoid letting their child inside a car, and chastising the government for being in league with the auto industry to suppress the risk.

If certain women wish to shape PUBLIC POLICY based on statistics, shouldn’t it be presented accurately and with fairness? Honestly, the whole idea of government mandating breastfeeding or creating social and political policies or possible tax breaks to women who breastfeed coupled with using propaganda to “punish” corporations leaves me contemptuous towards those who wish to force their agendas on me (or women on a whole). Women deserve better. Women deserve accurate information and they deserve to have a choice in the matter.

In my opinion, the zeal to empower women and lead them into certain social choices is in actuality, setting them back many years. Present the truth and let women decide. Nobody should be influenced by false representations, especially by their own government.

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In Minneapolis, a mother is questioned by her 14-month-old’s guardian ad litem who is recommending that the mother discontinue breastfeeding as she takes a host of various prescription medications. The mother has subsequently become a champion for breastfeeding advocacy saying that her doctor recommended she breastfeed and supports her decision.

According to reports, the mother takes Topamax, used to treat epileptic seizures and migraines, Baclofen for muscle spasms, Ambien occasionally to help her sleep, and Tylenol 3.

She also cites a letter from Thomas Hale, author of “Medications and Mothers’ Milk,” who writes, “They [the medications] are basically all fine, particularly in a 14-month-old infant who can metabolize drugs as good if not better than an adult.”

Even if a 14-month old can metabolize all those drugs, should they? Is it healthy? You likely wouldn’t directly give an infant any of those medications. Is there zero risk? And if not, doesn’t that go against a core belief of breastfeeding vs. formula, the tenet that formula feeding increases the risk of medical complications?

The courts are insinuating that there is information that the public doesn’t know about this case and urging people not to make assumptions. The father is seeking custody of the baby and although I’m no legal expert, typically guardian ad litem’s are appointed when the custodians of the child have been proven unfit to act on the child’s behalf.

UPDATE on new FDA warning issued for nursing mothers taking codeine:

Nursing mothers who take codeine should watch their infants for increased sleepiness or other signs of overdose, U.S. government health officials warned Friday.

The Food and Drug Administration warning of the rare but serious side effect was prompted by a 2006 report of the death of a nursing infant whose mother was given codeine for episiotomy pain.

Genetic testing later showed the woman’s body converted the codeine to morphine more rapidly and completely than in other people. That led to higher-than-expected morphine levels in her breast milk.

While the rapid conversion of codeine to morphine is a very rare side effect in some mothers, it can result in high and unsafe levels of the latter drug in the blood and breast milk, the FDA said in an alert.

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I have an 18 month old baby girl who is still breastfed. This is neither my darkest nor deepest secret, but it’s something that causes me mild discomfort in the world of momdom. As someone who has argued against breastfeeding totalitarianism, and generally pokes fun at people who breastfeed their kids until they can drop the car keys on the night stand and declare “Hey Mom, I’m home. How about the boob?” I’m somewhat embarrassed by my prolonged nursing.

Obviously, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding my daughter. I’m as surprised as my cranky formula feeding gal pals that this whole episode has lasted as long as it has. And while I’m technically in favor of trying to wean her sometime soon, the truth is it’s much harder to cut her off than I thought it would be. I’m not a super huge fan of nursing, per se. I don’t enjoy being munched on, pulled, and prodded. I don’t particularly love it when she yells “Booob! Booob!” in a room full of people. But I do love her dearly. And she’s my last child. When we stop breastfeeding, that will be it. Her babyhood will be officially over.

The other issue is that I don’t want to be lumped in with the “breast is best” crowd, knowing firsthand the pressure and difficulties faced by an unsuccessful nursing episode (I didn’t breastfeed my twins). I subscribe to the school of thought that it’s not what you feed, it’s how you feed that matters.

New moms could be saved so much trouble and upset if they were saved from their rigid beliefs about breastfeeding as the only option for “good parents.”

Because I don’t think breast is always best.

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This is supposedly for real.

This is really gross. I can’t help but feel that a man breastfeeding is pedophilic. And to those men that get depressed because they can’t put their infant to their nipple, they need to talk to a psychiatrist. A guy who is that obsessed with offering his nipple to his baby has a screw or two loose and probably has some pretty incriminating images on his hard-drive.

I know the breastfeeding dictators of the world will be divided on this issue, either they will be over-excited at the possibility of having help thwarting the big, bad formula companies or they will feel dis-empowered and angry that they are no longer the only one that can nourish their baby and take of him/her proprietarily. I think the promotion of male breastfeeding is an extension of the zealotry that wishes to force women to breastfeed. How will their political tentacles use male lactation to further divide mothers? Perhaps if a woman doesn’t want to breastfeed, the breastfeeding dictators will try to mandate that the father breastfeeds in lieu of that decision or inability to breastfeed. I say, bring it on!!! I love to watch breastfeeding fanatics get even loonier. It only helps the sane of our society, for the breastfeeding mandate supporters to praise male lactation. Perhaps people will wake up and understand that this fanatic obsession [to force women to breastfeed], to subsitute a mother’s role and welcome men to do use their breasts to feed babies if the woman doesn’t want to, is circumventing her rights to safely feed her child how she wishes.

Male breastfeeding is the stuff of whack-jobs and ideological imposition. Even if the documentary is true and accurate, it doesn’t mean that you should do something to a baby just because you can. An emotionally retarded father’s desires should not supersede what is morally right for the child, as much as the ultra left (read breastfeeding fanatics) seek to protect and stick up for those who violate children, it doesn’t mean the rest of society has to passively allow it to happen. Again, I see a certain segment of our society seeking to diminish inappropriate behavior between adults and children and that should be unacceptable in a civilized society.

A mother who breastfeeds her baby is perfectly natural and even beautiful, but the suggestion that men lactate too is ideological lunacy.

And for those of you who might be in denial that male lactation is a political ideology against formula feeding moms and formula feeding companies, read this article. Here are some quotes from the webpage:

For those who claim male lactation is “unnatural,” I would have to ask: how natural is canned formula from Nestle’ or pacifiers made from petrolium byproducts? If milk production in men were truly unnatural, it wouldn’t exist. The fact that it does, leads me to believe that perhaps male lactation is simply nature’s back-up system. In any case, it’s an interesting phenomenon.

and…

I am a social anthropologist currently undertaking research into the sexual politics of breastfeeding. I first became aware of men’s capacity to breastfeed upon reading Helen Marieskind’s article entitled ‘Abnormal Lactation’ in the Journal of Tropical Pediatrics and Environmental Child Health. Marieskind establishes the scientific case for men’s capacity to breastfeed and in doing so effectively undermines one of the key premises underlying much feminist literature on breastfeeding i.e. breastfeeding is the exclusive capacity of women. The fact that man’s capacity to breastfeed is left largely unrealised in our society has far-reaching theoretical and practical implications and may be seen to reveal a great deal about our culture. This is a fascinating issue that I am keen to investigate further. I would like to hear from any breastfeeding fathers who are willing to share their experiences with me.All the best,
Sarah Walker

See the documentary and decide for yourself: http://www.switch.tv/videos/39

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