**WARNING: The following is intended as satire. I do not recommend sex education for toddlers or preschoolers, or really anyone under about 15 for that matter**

According to a recent study by Columbia University researchers, declines in teen pregnancy are linked to use of contraception, rather than abstinence among teenagers. While this obviously comes as a blow to the Bush Administration, I think it???‚¬?„?s a boon to those of us who believe that the more children know about sex, the earlier they know it, the better. While many would be reticent to admit it, most parents secretly believe sex and contraceptive education should begin as early as 6 weeks of age.

If you???‚¬?„?re anything like me, you frequently wrack your brains trying explain sex, reproduction and the importance of epidurals during childbirth to your young toddlers.

Luckily, there???‚¬?„?s now a resource for parents like us: Amamanta (olde englishe for ???‚¬?“look at my hoochie???‚¬??) sells educational dolls that are anatomically correct and ethnically diverse. At Amamanta the facts of life are presented with an unabashed under the microscope clarity and plainness that will leave your children stunned with the power of their new knowledge.
If your kids are anything like mine, they frequently pepper you with annoying sex related questions like, ???‚¬?“Mommy, what are orgasms????‚¬?? and ???‚¬?“Mommy, why are women so often unsatisfied sexually????‚¬??

It???‚¬?„?s exhausting.

With Amamanta, you can finally put your mind at ease. As an added bonus, these dolls can help get you around other knotty existential and philosophical questions, especially those asked during those precociously preoccupied with sex preschool years.

Q: ???‚¬?“Mommy, does it hurt when a baby is born????‚¬??

A: ???‚¬?“No darling, not really.???‚¬??

Q: ???‚¬?“Mommy, does size matter????‚¬??

A: ???‚¬?“In this case, dear, yes it does.???‚¬??

Q: ???‚¬?“Mommy, when grandma and grandpa get old and die, what will happen to them????‚¬??

A: ???‚¬?“That depends. That really depends.???‚¬??

And remember, ???‚¬?“These cuddly cloth dolls are great for playtime and can also be used as sex education props when explaining the human reproductive cycle to boys and girls ages 3 to 9???‚¬?? [emphasis added].

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