Smoking, Drinking, and Other Relaxation Methods for Imperfect Parents
Posted
May 29, 2008 at
9:51 pm by
Redsy
I used to drink. A lot. Too much, really, for someone with my family history and proclivity for creating chaos and drama. So I stopped. About 8 months ago. And life has gotten much better…. but that’s a story for another time.
Like many imperfect parents, I’m more or less a very good parent on most days… but this requires a certain amount of concentrated effort and a whole lot of help. I used to get help in a bottle, and now I get help from a variety of sources.
But I still need and want a vice.. something that serves no other purpose than pleasure and rebellion. A way to cut loose and be onesself without getting mistaken for a “ma’am” or a “sir”… or someone who is, say, turning 40.
I like to joke about starting a respite center for mothers staffed with hot Italian boys (or girls, depending on your preferences).. and I’m only sort of joking. Seriously, it’s so very easy to take parenting too farging seriously these days.
But the thing is, I miss having a vice. I don’t want anything life or health or marriage threatening, just something to spice things up and remind me of the wild girl I used to be long long ago.
So when my friend told me of her new “thing” for nicotine-free cigarettes (doesn’t that sound like “no strings attached” sex?? nice idea but highly unlikely?), I thought I’d give them a try.
I’ll report back soon.. but until then.. any vices you’d recommend?
Tags: ass-kicking-mamas, drinking, Family, Health, hip-mamas, home-for-wayward-mothers, Humor, imperfect-parents, MILF Resources, mothers-who-smoke, redsy, rugrat-reprieve, smoking Comments (7) |
Lou Paget talks “The Big O” with the Mominatrix
Posted
October 5, 2007 at
11:34 am by
Prescott
Mominatrix Radio is back on the air, and tonight our favorite leather goddess is chatting with the Queen of Orgasms, author and lecturer Lou Paget who’ll share some of her insight to help you get the most bang for your buck in the bedroom (or living room, or public park).
So join us LIVE tonight, October 5 at 9:00 p.m. EST for the lowdown on getting your button pushed, so to speak. The Whipping Boy accidentally got a ball gag stuck in his mouth so he’ll be working the chat room and this sexy mom will be filling in on the air in his stead. AND WE’RE STILL GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-716-9830 with a question or perhaps your little tip for getting your “oh face” on and you can win a tin of fabulous handcrafted lube courtesy of this enterprising lady.
If you don’t feel like calling, you can send a question or comment to mominatrix@imperfectparent.com, or check out the nifty new chat feature. Click here to listen/subscribe.
| Tags: MILF Resources Comments (0) |
Mominatrix Radio - August 31, 2007
Posted
August 31, 2007 at
8:11 am by
Prescott
Our sex goddess the Mominatrix is back on the air and she’s talking toys! No, not the ones you continuously step on in the family room, more of the adult variety. Do moms and dads use sex toys? Is it because of an always present kink, or for a desire to add a little excitement back into the bedroom?
Join us LIVE tonight, August 31 at 8:00 p.m. CST when we’ll give the low down on some of the latest “massagers” currently on the market. We’ll also be joined by guest Racy Red from Mommy Blogs Toronto’s Hot and Bothered to share her views on these little pleasure accessories. AND WE’RE GIVING SHIT AWAY! Call in during the show at 646-915-8634 and tell us about your favorite sex toy and you just might win either a Nexus Duo Range (nsfw) or a $35 gift certificate from sex toy retailer Babeland.com (also probably nsfw, duh).
Click here to listen/subscribe
| Tags: MILF Resources, mominatrix, Mominatrix Radio, sex-toys Comments (0) |
Just stop eating “diet” foods if you wanna lose weight
Posted
August 9, 2007 at
10:12 am by
Jessica
Coincidentally, we were just having this discussion on the IP forums, about how low fat foods don’t necessarily equate to losing weight. (I actually said that fatty foods make you fat, and one of veteran members disagreed and is probably right.)
A new study suggests that eating low calorie foods, snacks and beverages may be counter-productive. The thought process and evidence support that when you eat low-calorie foods or drinks that load up on artificial sweeteners, your brain thinks it’s going to be fulfilled and satisfied. When this fails to happen, the body then goes into a state of anxiety, and craves even more calories than if you had just consumed the “non-light” food to begin with.
I have written about this in the past, the fact that “dieting” can put yourself into starvation mode and your body tries to compensate by holding onto its reserves.
I’m disappointed that studies don’t go into fat content. Your body needs some fat — it’s true. Not to be too graphic here, but it helps with elimination and satiety. I lose weight when I cut down on fat, but not if I cut out too much. It’s a delicate balance in which the solution is always most the simple.
Eat healthy. Eat moderate portions. Exercise. Stay away from fake crap. Make good choices.
| Tags: dieting, Health, MILF Resources, weight-watchers Comments (7) |
5 things I hate about shopping…
Posted
May 28, 2007 at
1:26 pm by
Jessica
Pre-children, I was a mall-rat. I used to love clothes. Not just clothes, I loved jewelry, purses, perfume, shoes – all that girly shit. I could spend hours, even days at the mall. My fantasy was being locked in a mall overnight, Bloomingdales or Nordstrom preferably, with access to dressing rooms without waiting.
So how did I go from looking forward to trying on clothes and flipping through Vogue to find out what the latest trends were for the upcoming season. Now, that’s like the last thing I want to do. It’s synonymous with chewing class and drinking urine. So not fun. So not interesting. In the words of Avril Lavigne, it’s so whatever!
All of this is fine and good. Our priorities change. Our lifestyles change. It is just not that important to look like you don’t have kids. Who are we, as moms, trying to impress anyway?
…and why do I loathe shopping for clothes so much?
Well, for starters…
- It takes time. A lot of time. Time I don’t have.
- It takes brain-power. It hurts my brain trying to keep up with whether or not I can wear black and brown together this season. What fabrics go with what? Am I too old or young for this shirt or these pants?
- It’s expensive. Unless I agree to pay a babysitter a small fortune to watch my children, just for the luxury of spending a large fortune on clothes, I will have to make split-decision fashion choices and right now, I don’t trust my dated fashion sense.
- Clothes don’t fit me the way they used to. Although I have worked hard to shed some of those unwanted pounds, my body has changed for better and for worse. Even with my weight loss success, I still cannot wear the same size I did pre-children. Women’s clothes, especially jeans, are designed for the bodies of girls stuck in little boy’s bodies. It just seems like a colossal waste of time to try things on and that are too tight, way too long (like every pant and jean) or need to be tailored to the point that you might as well invest in custom clothing.
- Why bother? All dressed up and nowhere to go. Sometimes I lose my motivation to even care. I tend to gravitate towards those cropped cotton pants and long wife-beaters. What’s comfortable seems luxurious now (all those young girls, you just don’t get it) and reminds of the weekends. I like weekends. I’m talkin’, things that can hold up to a fudgescicle handprint. Although I do have to dress up for work, those clothes are not as comfortable as my updated leisure suits.
| Tags: clothes, fashion, MILF Resources, shopping Comments (0) |
A new relationship with food
Posted
May 15, 2007 at
2:08 pm by
Jessica
Long time — no ’see’. I have been busy with a new job and positive changes to my life. I’m sure the burning question regarding moi is whether or not I have fallen off the Weight Watchers Wagon™.
Truthfully, its yes and no.
Yes (I have fallen off the wagon), in the fact that I no longer spend as much of my free time on Weight Watchers online and I don’t even feel guilty about it! Conversely, I feel empowered by the choices I’ have learned to make through exercise and eating right. Ultimately, it is a mentality and state of mind. It’s about being healthy, not about looking like the next super model.
Looking better is merely a side effect of being in tune with what you put into your body and caring about your overall health. Of course, it took me wanting to look good to get to this point of food maturity, but feeling good, feeling healthy, having more energy gives me a basic feeling of reward and motivation and what has continued to sustain me.
No (I haven’t fallen off the wagon). I am no longer on a band wagon. I am just making better choices; about food, about life, about personal growth.
Now, lest I sound like Shirley McClain on steroids, this is the first time in my life, or at least since I’ve had children that I’ve felt in control of destiny. I’m sure it’s a combination of chaos falling neatly into place, but it is also because I can now wear clothing that has been locked away for several years. Lucky for me, I have NOT fallen victim to the “Brussels sprouts and carrot juice” diet. I’m simply at a point where I don’t have to count my calories anymore. I damn well know that if I have been good all week, that the occasional donut or two on the weekend isn’t going to hurt me, likewise, if I’ve been falling victim to the ‘buffet of sins’ at my office, I will skip the donuts on the weekend.
Fairly easy stuff. It only takes a moment of thought to gain control again. I am just too old to not care anymore. I want to be around for my children when they graduate high school and I want to have the energy and stamina to keep up with their young journey.
To health and wellness!
| Tags: diet, MILF, MILF Resources, nutrition, weight-watchers Comments (2) |
Chipotle “salads” not the best choice
Posted
March 11, 2007 at
10:14 pm by
Jessica
It all began with the prospect of a free burrito or burrito bowl at Chipotle. Innocent enough. The manager of Chipotle extended an offer to the company I work for, a marking effort to drum up some business for the new franchise down the street. I hadn’t been to one in years, but some of my co-workers invited me along and from what little I knew of Chipotle, I was confident I could find something that would be on my Weight Watchers plan. Even though I aware they were owned by McDonald’s, I also knew it was full of fresh ingredients, rice, and beans, all low fat alternatives.
Even though I was planning on being conservative and just ordering a salad, I considered this a big treat in comparison to my usual Lean Cuisines. I told the teenager behind the counter that I was on a diet and asked what she would recommend. She suggested the Chipotle Bowl, a burrito in a bowl, minus the tortilla. “The tortilla will kill ya,” she said.
It’s hard to believe that Chipotle is owned by McDonald’s. It just looked and tasted so healthy, and damn was it good! So good in fact, that I went again the next week. How could a salad “bowl” be so tasty? I could eat it everyday. In fact, it tasted so good, I started to become suspicious. I purposely asked for only a pinch of cheese, a smear of sour cream and a smear of guacamole, but something tasted fishy, as in McDonald’s Fish Sandwich caloric nightmare fishy.
That night, I went to look up my Chipotle diet treat, but nutrient and caloric information is suspiciously absent from their website. I had to go to www.chipotlefan.com to get the real scoop and it wasn’t pretty. I was so incredibly shocked by what I found out, I confirmed it on Weight Watchers online database, only to find out, even with my “smears”, we were talking 18 points. I only get 25 points a day!! So, I was eating 2/3 of my daily total on that asshole salad! Dieters BEWARE!!!!
No wonder I was stagnant with my weight loss. I was going on two or three weeks without a change, until this week, when I’ve lost another 4 pounds. My experience demonstrates how you can’t just assume something is low calories or low fat, you really need to do the research and read the labels.
Total loss since January 1, 2007 — 19 lbs. (I just couldn’t push it to 20, but close enough!)
That being said, I submit new pictures:
| Tags: Chipotle, mcdonalds, MILF Resources, weight-watchers Comments (14) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club week 9
Posted
February 25, 2007 at
7:45 pm by
Jessica
Ha! Last week Weight Watchers scolds me for losing too much weight in one week (3 lbs.), so I take it in stride and follow the same path since increasing my calories did not seem like the most level-headed approach. I know for sure I’m not starving myself. This week, my weigh-in proves more erratic with a 1 lb. weight gain. Weight Watchers responds with this smiley —–> 
.
WTF, neutral icon? (You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.)
Of course, Weight Watchers was quick to point out that ups and downs are part of the natural cycle of losing weight. I’ll see your natural cycle and raise you a menstrual cycle. It’s all very easily explained. Last week was the infamous “week off”, so I wasn’t retaining as much water. This week, I forgot one of those little, tiny, sacred, heavenly wonder-pills and wound up doubling up on one day (two boys are enough!). A very good explanation if I do say so myself. I will not be weakened by aunt flo and contraception.
So, no pictures this week. Next week, I promise!
| Tags: diet, fit-club, MILF Resources, weight-gain, weight-watchers Comments (3) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club week 8
Posted
February 18, 2007 at
3:47 pm by
Jessica
What do you want from me Weight Watchers?
I lost another 3 pounds this week. Thank you. Thank you. My pride and joy was soon squelched by a scolding downer when Weight Watchers proclaimed in a from response to me, on the very site I proudly entered in that 3 pound loss and charted it, that I was losing weight too rapidly. Three pounds is too rapid?? Give me a big, cellulite break!
They claim that “rapid” (again, I don’t think mine is rapid, especially given my weight), affects menstrual cycles and puts you at risk of gaining your weight back. They suggested that I increase calories. Well, now you’re talkin’! I think I definitely will be on board with that!
Quaker Oats Express Oatmeal is my new favorite snack food, and only has 3 points. I have it for lunch on Thursdays because that is veggie pizza night and I need to have a low points lunch.:
YUM.
| Tags: diet, fitness, low-fat-snacks, MILF Resources, rapid-weight-loss, weight-watchers Comments (1) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club week 7
Posted
February 11, 2007 at
8:04 pm by
Jessica
Okay, this is gonna be short and sweet this week because I have a lot going on and I’m really, really hungry this week. My body is definitely going into some sort of weird deprivation shock and not liking it, plus I was sick last week and didn’t exercise — again. Can’t it just hover above arctic temperatures long enough to allow me to get well? Is that too much to ask? Can I have some global warming love here in Chi-town?
I lost another 2 lbs. in spite of my misery.
My “diet” food pick of the week is only 1 points and it is a little zinger-like, slice of heaven. The lemon ones rule. I don’t normally like lemon, but it’s a love-fest between me and those 1 point miracles. The carrot cake is really good too, but a tiny bit dry. The chocolate tastes like ass. Stay away from the chocolate.
We’ve been getting them at Target and the local grocery when they’re not sold out. Stock up if you find ‘em. They’ve been catching on. So buy some. Today.
[Ed. note: I think it's worth pointing out in this era of "pay per post" that Jessica's opinions and suggestions are sincere -- while she was provided a Weight Watchers membership for review purposes, no compensation has been received or offered.]
| Tags: diet, exercise, fitness, lemon-cakes, MILF, MILF Resources, points, weight-watchers Comments (2) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club week 6
Posted
February 5, 2007 at
3:05 am by
Jessica
Wow, has it been 6 weeks already? Time flies when you’re starving yourself.
Good news to report this week, I worked successfully through first plateau and lost another 2 lbs.!!! Since the weather has been too cold for walking, I used my stationary bike 3 times last week for 20 minutes per routine. I credit the varied exercise in getting over the prior weeks weight stand still.
At a birthday party I attended yesterday, I passed on the pizza (which was good Chicago pizza, not little kid, sweet spaghetti sauce pizza) and waited until we left at 2 pm to stop for a Wendy’s salad. The big obstacle there was - learning how to have fun (a challenge on a good day with my family as it is) while not eating the sweets and pizza and goodies that surrounded me, but I did it.
So, this week I thought I would bring you one my favorite fun snack “diet” foods or the foods/drinks I’m using as tools to achieve my weight loss success. In a way, this is a good time in modern history to be on a diet with all the improved “diet” food and drinks we have to choose from. I will try to feature a new suggested food item each week.
My first pick is Aquafina’s flavored waters and ALIVE water with antioxidants and vitamin B.
I’ve only tried the raspberry flavored water which contains:
0 calories / 0 fat / 0 carbs / 0 sugars / 130 mg sodium per bottle
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve cut out sweets in general and indulging in whatever I wanted, but since I found out about this delightfully tasty water, well, it might as well be cookie. Perhaps I am deprived, but it tastes like candy it’s so damn good!
For people that don’t drink a lot of water, I urge you to try it, and no, I have no vested interest in Aquafina, I just think they are geniuses of sweet tasting water. (Okay, now it’s starting to feel like 6 weeks.)
They also make another, which Prescott has taken a keen liking to:
The Aquafina ALIVE, which is the same flavored water, but with the vita-water craze infused with it. I’ve tried the berry pomegranate and it was super yummy as well.
They’re a little expensive, about twice the price as regular bottled water, but I only drink one a day, so fear not, my kids may still go to college after all.
If you try ‘em, let me know what you think.
| Tags: aquafina, diet, flavored-water, MILF Resources, weight-loss-plateau, weight-watchers Comments (2) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club week 5 with photos
Posted
January 29, 2007 at
8:14 am by
Jessica
I can’t believe its been 4 weeks since I started my weight loss journey. This week however, I will not be discouraged as I find the scale has not budged at all this week. Sigh. I still hold steady at 10 lbs. The scale does not however, reflect a lack of trying. I have not strayed from my Weight Watchers Flex Point diet, not even one tiny morsel of a cheat point was used.
So, what gives?
According to About.com, I just may have hit an early plateau:
Obstacles to Strength, Endurance and Weight Loss
Almost everyone reaches a weight loss plateau at some point in their fitness lives. The reason is that the human body works hard to keep energy intake and output in balance. In other words, your body does not like to lose weight (not a revelation, huh?). After your initial weight loss, your progress will slow down and eventually stop even though your exercise and food intake is consistent. The bottom line is that the very efforts you make to burn more calories may eventually slow it down.
Problem 1. Lowering your calories too much
Fact: It takes calories to burn calories. When you decrease your food intake, your body simply lowers its metabolic rate in response. This still allows the body to function properly, but ultimately your body requires fewer calories which creates hunger and prevents you from losing fat.
Makes sense, my body may be onto me; putting my brain into starvation and survival mode, but, could that be happening so soon? Or perhaps, it was because I had a respiratory cold last week and wasn’t able to walk or exercise or is it because I am so hyper-aware of my food, I might not be eating enough, suggesting it is indeed an early plateau?
This week I’m going to start with varying my exercise program and kicking it up a notch with exercise in general. Thank goodness this stand-still will not getting in the way of my determination, given that I’ve already made my goal of 10 lbs. weight loss a month, I’m lucky to have reached my goal. Hopefully, I’ll have some loss to report next week.
In the meantime, as promised, here is my one month pictorial update:
| Tags: MILF Resources, weight-loss, weight-plateau, weight-watchers Comments (8) |
MILF-ebrity week 4
Posted
January 22, 2007 at
3:53 am by
Jessica
Feeling more and more MILFy everyday. I’ve lost another 2 lbs., which is way cool because that marks a significant milestone, the 10 lb. mark. 40 lbs. to go and it just seems so much more attainable that 50 lbs. for some reason. I can finally see myself getting back to pre-pregnancy weight, even if it took 4 years, at least I’m doin’ it!
I feel like Weight Watchers Flex Plan has been an invaluable training tool, but I can almost predict points and figure out what I should and shouldn’t eat without even punching it into their online database. I do it anyway, because it makes you just that much more aware when you write it all out (or type it in my case).
I was starting to get worried because I wasn’t feeling so hungry this week; it seems to be getting easier. However, considering I am still losing weight and not that hungry it proof positive that my body is adjusting.
The last 3 nights have been the first nights in months that I slept the whole night through. I have battled insomnia for most of my adult life so this is a major benefit and joy for me.
I know my next goal will be to integrate some sort of strength building regiment into my schedule. I really need to do crunches. God, I hate crunches.
Stay tuned next week — I’ll post my one month photo update!
| Tags: fitness, Health, MILF Resources, weight-loss, weight-watchers Comments (2) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club week 3
Posted
January 15, 2007 at
3:54 am by
Jessica
I lost another 4 lbs. this week, so 8 lbs. in all! It’s a good start for sure. My goal is 10 lbs. a month, so I feel I’m right on target. It feels good to know that I have the power to make this happen.
For exercise, I have been walking. During my lunch hour, I walk with a co-worker for about 20 minutes a day. It’s enough to work up a good sweat and makes the day go by faster. Sometimes my walking partner skips out when it gets too cold outside, but I have been a trooper. I figure I’ll keep walking unless it’s below zero. As long as one is properly prepared and dressed for it, I see no reason why I can’t continue into the chilly temperatures.
Honestly, I didn’t realize how much weight I could lose and how good walking would make me feel. It’s been very theraputic. I have been able to improve my endurance, which I never thought I could do from just walking.
My inspiration for walking while it’s cold outside came from Weight Watchers this week:
“Walking outdoors in winter is extremely invigorating and almost meditative,” says Suzanne Nottingham, an American Council on Exercise spokesperson and IDEA’s 2000 Fitness Instructor of the Year. “It’s like you’re part of nature, walking in the midst of howling winds, blowing snow and a bright sun. And it’s quiet; not many people are out,” says Nottingham, who walks outside in the Lake Tahoe area whenever she can—even in the colder months.
Aim to wear three layers.
“It’s better to have and not need,” says Nottingham. You can always peel the layers off.Avoid cotton.
“Try clothes made out of material that will keep moisture away from your skin, so you won’t get cold. Nike’s Dri-Fit clothes are a good bet,” advises Nottingham.Wear gloves.
Grab ski gloves if it’s snowing. A hat and a neck gaiter (a muff for your neck) will help keep you warm. If your ears, hands or head get too cold, go inside.Protect your eyes.
Wear sunglasses or, if it’s snowing, goggles with a light-colored lens, to protect your eyes from snow glare.Try studded outdoor walking shoes, which give you extra traction on slippery surfaces. “Lightweight hiking boots are a good option, too,” says Culwell, “but stay away from heavy boots that are geared for climbing.”
Don’t layer your socks.
There’s a good chance you’ll get blisters that way. Instead, wear thin socks designed to keep feet warm (try Thorlo or SmartWool).
If it gets too cold outside, I’m going to have move my walking routine to the mall, but so far it’s been a fairly mild winter so I’ve been in luck.
This motivational tool came from Weight Watchers free newsletter. Besides The Imperfect Parent newsletter, I think most of ‘em are worthless, but Weight Watchers is definitely worth the read. For those interested in clever weight loss tips, I’d definitely subscribe.
| Tags: exercise, MILF Resources, walking, weight-watchers Comments (2) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club Week 2
Posted
January 8, 2007 at
1:04 am by
Jessica
My mother gave me sage advice when I was a wild-child teen: “The people you are most attracted to, are the people that are bad for you. The ones you don’t desire are the ones that are good for you.”
That probably comes as an insult to my husband, but have no fear my dear, I truly feel like I got the best of both worlds with my significant other. However, I am finding that her advice is applicable to my diet. The things that look good and are pretty and charming to be around but have no substance are not what’s good for me on my diet. The ugly shit, the stuff I’m not attracted to and that in which I have no emotional connection to and no desire to indulge in is the shit that’s good for me.
I have done well so far. This week, I weighed in at 191 which is 4 lbs. lighter than I was last week. Yep, this loser feels pretty good about herself. It hasn’t been easy, there were nights I was hungry and sometimes my mind would wander with thoughts like, “I could be hit by a limo with a rock star in it tomorrow, and my last days will have been lived out sleeping with the uglies (ugly food).” How many times in the past has that caused me to fall off the wagon and then life zips by at breakneck pace only to find me with the same largish butt. This time, I’m not going to drown my sorrows in cookies I don’t appreciate because I allowed myself to believe my alter-ego.
Weight Watchers Flex Plan rules by the way. It’s fun and motivating and it makes sense. Most of all, it works. Today I noticed a tid-bit that puts it all into perspective:
If you lose 1 lb., that is equal to 4 sticks of butter being removed from your body.
If you lose 5 lbs., that is equivalent to losing a sack of potatoes off your body. (I’m almost there!)
If you lose 10 lbs., that is equivalent to losing 8 medium cantaloupes off your body.
If you lose 25 lbs., that is equivalent to losing 3 gallons of milk off your body. (Think of what it must feel like getting rid of that heavy load? I’m currently walking around with almost 6 gallons strapped to my body!)
So, MILFs and DILFs, as we head into week 2, keep your eyes on the prize. If you are currently tracking your own progress on your personal blog, email me at jessica (at) imperfectparent (dot) com and I will feature some of you over the coming weeks!
| Tags: diet, fitness, MILF Resources, MILFs, new-years-resolution, weight-loss, weight-watchers Comments (3) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club week 1…No shame, No gain
Posted
January 1, 2007 at
3:58 am by
Jessica
As I confessed last week,I have been eating like a person on death row. In fact, I have been eating like every brownie, hamburger and cookie will be my last. I think I’ve managed to gain 8 lbs. over the last two weeks. I try to rationalize it — surely weight that has been put on so quickly will quickly melt off, right? Right? Someone? Anyone?
I signed up for Weight Watchers today and chose the flex points plan. Prescott and few others from The Imperfect Parent forum and our Cranky Mama blogger have said they would join me. This is so exciting! Some are deciding to go with Spark People because it’s free and for comparison’s sake because I’m such a big Weight Watcher’s Online fan. WW is such a no brainer. The plan I’m doing, you just enter your weight, your goal weight and it assigns points to whatever you eat. They provide a database of thousands of foods, or you enter the nutritional information if they don’t have it pre-loaded and it tells you how many points you used up. I get 25 points for my daily ration. If I exercise, I get points back. Sweet!
I am going to start off with an aerobics class 2X a week. I’ve heard that if you start off too aggressively, you’re more apt to quit. Sounds good to me! Twice a week it is! I also have an exercise bike in my bedroom that I found after releasing it from the burden of carrying clothes.
In effort to motivate, I am compiling a list of reasons to lose weight. Tony Robinson, the motivational speaker, said on a morning program the other day that in order to lose weight, you must have a very personal and really compelling reason to lose weight or else you’re doomed. Here are my 5 reasons, but I would love for readers to participate and add to the list:
- Sleep better
- Have more energy
- Wear skinny jeans
- Live longer
- Not have to unbutton my pants while sitting at the computer a long time
The down and dirty details (as well as my complete humiliation) after the jump…
continue reading…
| Tags: diet, fitness, MILF Resources, MILFs, new-years-resolution, weight-loss, weight-watchers Comments (3) |
MILF-ebrity Fit Club
Posted
December 26, 2006 at
9:31 pm by
Jessica
I am so bored at the office, I take frequent coffee breaks and nibble on the buffet of indulgences that people bring in to grant them more excuses to leave their desk. I can’t complain about work, I have been doing pretty well and as a reward, I treat myself to some chocolate/chocolate Oreo cookies.
Over the holidays, I managed to get a lot done, so I ate my pounds in progress. Every reward this past year has somehow included food and I have to finally concede that at 37, I have a gut. Guts are ugly. I hate my gut. My gut and my butt — major areas of conflict and competition to see which can become bigger. Sometimes I just wondered how fat I could get without spontaneously exploding. My jeans pockets have started to tear at the seams. They have given a good fight but in the end, they just couldn’t keep it together.
I saw on CNN the other night that New Year’s resolutions only set yourself up for failure. So many experts, so much food, what’s a girl to do? You know what I say? Fuck the experts. That’s right, a New Year’s resolution is in order for my fat ass.
I hereby declare a new, fit resolution and declaration. If I am still a pudge-bucket in 6 months, then I will shame my family, my friends and the whole cyber-nation of moms who still believe there is hope.
Starting January 1, 2007, I am joining Weight Watchers Online and will be reviewing the program and its effectiveness (so far, the best part seems to be when you exercise, they give you food points BACK). I am signing up for an exercise class called “Fit Boot Camp” and this ass is grass.
Mark your calendars, I am going to post a picture of my fat ass next week, so stay tuned for that. In fact, I’m going to post pictures regularly (hopefully every week) along with my progress.
Next week starts the detox program. Who’s with me? C’mon, size 14 is the average size for women in this country, somebody out there has to be as fat as I am!
Whether I have fellow participants or not, I’m going to post an update and weight loss journal every Monday and my hope would be that sisters out there will share their stories too. We’re in this together, so put that pizza down and stop eating your kids teddy grahams — 2007 is our year. Let’s get our MILFness on!
| Tags: diet, exercise, MILF Resources, new-years-resolutions, weight-watchers Comments (5) |
Hot moms have sold out
Posted
December 5, 2006 at
4:06 am by
Jessica
In an effort to set the feminist movement back a hundred years, a strange Botox triangle aims to destroy the spirit of MILFs (muthas I’d like to %$#@) which includes the tutor of Pierce Brosnan’s children, the television pilot for “The Hottest Mom in America” and the pharmaceutical company that sponsors the Botox competition. Apparently, the business of vanity and mammas = law suits. The former celebrity brat tutor is Jessica Denay, who has founded www.hotmomsclub.com (and here I thought she stole the idea from us!) and wrote the book, “The Hot Mom’s handbook: Mom’s Have more Fun!”. She’s whoring branching out from celebrity endorsements to radio and TV shows (who would have ever guessed!). She’s trying to trademark the term, “Hot Mom” and “Hot Moms Club” and feels the show cheapens her branding. (I don’t think it’s the show actually.)
How do you trademark “hot mom” anyway? Does that mean nobody can ever write that again? I never got that…
So, hot moms are suing each other. I hope that it all results in a bunch of bitch slapping, cat fights and girls and men running like girls. Man, MILFs have really sold out.
“Hottest Mom in America” Audition
| Tags: Botox, Hot-moms-club, hottest-mom-in-america, Jessica-Denay, MILF, MILF Resources Comments (10) |
I feel like a big, fat MILF
Posted
November 21, 2006 at
4:19 am by
Jessica
Over the past year, I have gained a lot of weight. I am on the verge of going up a size and definitely in the throws of being uncomfortable in the clothes I do have. Although I could exercise a lot more and eat a little better than I do, truth be told, I don’t eat all that badly. I don’t exercise as much as I should, in fact, I don’t really exercise at all.
Next year, I have my 20-year high school reunion and a big society event to attend and I do not want to be fat. My friends tell me not to worry, everybody will probably be fat and I respond, “Yeah, but I don’t want to be one of them!” Throughout the years I have gone up and down, but I have never weighed as much as I do now, for as long as I have. Since 2003, after my second son was born, it has been an uphill battle. I would like to blame the c-section and the stress of have a very premature baby, but truth is, I lost all of my baby fat within a few weeks after surgery. I have struggled the past few years of trying to fine with it, to hating myself for it.
Recently, I had a routine blood draw to test my thyroid level. 12 years ago I had most of my thyroid removed because of a nasty growth. I have been taking synthroid, a synthetic thyroid hormone replacement medication since then. I haven’t been tested for the past few years because it was always the same. This time, my doctor said we had better check it. Turns out, I am now hypothyroid, meaning that my metabolism has slowed to an abnormal level. Increases and blood draws are in my future for the next year. I am hoping this is the reason for my sluggish body. I don’t need to be model thin, I just want to fit into my clothes again!
We brought up our exercise bike, parked it in front of the TV in our bedroom and I plan on taking this new information and making it work for me. I also need some good ab exercises. Any suggestions, besides old-fashion crunches? I hate crunches and I never feel like I’m in the right form.
So, any MILFS want to join me? I know it’s close to the holidays, but I thought I (we) could start with baby steps. Exercise and then cutting back on calories after the 1st. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
On a totally different note:
I have discovered the key to great hair color at home. Buy 2 or 3 shades and mix them together. You will get far more natural results. Use one color as your base color, something close to what you already have! It’s been many a trial and error for me and I think I have finally perfected it!
Okay, MILFS — power to ya!
| Tags: exercise, hair-color, hypthyroid, MILF Resources, synthorid, thyroid, weight Comments (7) |
Plastic Mothers
Posted
November 7, 2006 at
4:21 am by
Jessica
I’m not here to discuss plastic mothers as in phony but as in those who are opting for plastic surgery. According to a press release by a plastic surgery firm, Surgery Services of Freericksburg, targeting postpartum mothers presents itself as a unique opportunity:
FREDERICKSBURG, Va., Sept. 28 /PRNewswire/ — For today’s women, sagging bodies no longer are an inevitable aftereffect of childbearing. More mothers are turning to plastic surgery to regain their figures when diet and exercise alone won’t do the trick — and talking openly about their procedures, according to Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg.
“Most of our tummy tuck patients and breast surgery patients are mothers who want to restore their youthful shape,” says Lesi Beamon Mackey, practice administrator for Drs. L. Thomas Albert, Howard Heppe and Harold Bautista at Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg, VA. “And, with the increasing awareness of plastic surgery, we find more are discussing their surgeries publicly.”
The following are just a few of their stories.
Alicia Lidster, age 47, gave birth to her youngest child nine years ago. Despite compliments from her husband, she felt unattractive because her midsection and breasts were sagging from multiple pregnancies. She consulted with her doctor at Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg and opted for a tummy tuck and breast lift in May 2005. “Before the surgery, I was very self- conscious … Now, I feel better and look better,” says Alicia, a stay-at-home mother who also has four grown children. She feels so much more confident that she donned a bathing suit last year to swim with her youngest daughter for the first time ever.
Chantelle Mullen, age 34, worked hard to lose the weight she gained after three pregnancies. But she could not tighten her sagging skin. “I decided on plastic surgery for the problems I knew I couldn’t fix with diet and exercise,” Chantelle says. Her doctor at Plastic Surgery Services of Fredericksburg performed a breast lift and tummy tuck in August 2005.
Some moms need the security of their children to take the risky plunge with them as more mothers are choosing to go under the cosmetic knife with their daughters. You know what they say, “Mothers and daughters who get boob jobs together, stay together.”
According to ABC news, these are just the beginings of beautiful mother and daughter bonding relationships:
July 5, 2006 — Elvia Rabinor said she hadn’t seriously considered plastic surgery until her daughter, Lauren-Beth Kassinger, asked her about it.
“She called me and said, ‘What are you doing this next week? How about getting your nose done?’” Rabinor said.
Plastic surgeons say this mother-daughter team is an example of a growing trend — friends or relatives going under the knife together.
So, are these mothers exercising their right to look and feel beautiful, or is there something more sinister going on here, like a society that values beauty over the daunting task of motherhood? Are moms given no leeway for honorable wrinkles? Is motherhood no longer an excuse for choosing practicality over the cumbersome? Are our expectations unrealistic?
I don’t know the answer, but let’s pretend you were given the opportunity to have any procedure done that you wanted. Would you do it and if so, what would you have done?
| Tags: MILF Resources, plastic-surgery Comments (3) |
