Words are important because they have meaning. Photo via Sarah Maravelias.

This weeks dust up is coming from a father who wrote a blog post on  Babble about how he likes his older son, 5-year-old Zacharie, over his 2-year-old son, Charlie, and when it comes time to split up the kids for purposes of running errands, he always picks Zacharie.

Some moms on the Internet thought the declaration of having a preference for one child over the other was super shitty. And it is pretty super shitty when you think about it.

It’s shitty because it’s inexperienced and rude. Of course a 2-year-old is less engaged and mature and a little less interesting than a 5-year-old. Duh.

Furthermore, it’s shitty because the father, who posted as “DADCAMP”, gave examples absolving him of guilt and granting him permission to support his writing about his favorite child online in way that suggested,  ’Hey! Everybody does it. I’m just writing about it’.

Writing about it online makes it worse to the 10th power because now his toddler son has his runner up placement already carved  in his father’s life and he lives it out infamy, for the world to see and cite and for friends to reference when he gets older.

It’s also shitty because, unlike this supposed grown-up and contrary to the father’s beliefs, Charlie will catch wind of this. While DADCAMP said that he loved both his sons the minute they were born, he also makes it clear that he’s not ashamed to admit that he has “a favorite son”.

He goes on to ask his readers to look themselves in the mirror and admit they have a favorite too. But why? Whose purpose does it serve? Does it help the child who is not the favorite? Does it make that child feel more ashamed, and therefore the father and favorite child get a little schadenfreude from it?

So, unless the lesser liked son learns with the understanding of selfish adults, in a way mature beyond his years — understanding and forgiveness is totally presumptuous. This father has no way of knowing if his declaration will have a long lasting impact on Charlie. It’s hardly a stretch to think that this could very well affect his self esteem and self confidence.

And for what? Pageviews?

Now before I delclare this father asshole of the year, I must admit he did clarify that he simply enjoys hanging out with his older son because he’s not that into the baby stages. He says his wife is, but he isn’t.  He claims to enjoy the age when kids can interact with adults, instead of changing diapers, shaking shiny objects and making sure they don’t stick their finger in a light socket. Okay. I can get behind that. That makes sense and is completely unoffensive and understandable and common.

But that is also back-tracking on his original point — that’s it’s okay to have a favorite and announce it to the whole world. If it were only a case of liking children more when they can interact more than when they are so reliant, it would not have been offensive and sad.

I have personally witnessed families torn apart by “favorites”, with siblings so resentful and angry that they wind up hating their “favorite” sibling or worse, the “favorite” winds up bullying the other child when the parent isn’t looking, knowing they have an elevated place in the house and they can simply bat their eyelashes, claim the other one is lying and they get away with murder. If the parent isn’t there to witness it, they will likely side with the favorite. It’s just the way it is, especially to those who openly state a favorite to begin with.

Furthermore, there is a reason making a definitive statement on which child you like best is considered boorish. It’s called boundaries. It’s called being a parent and not always saying everything you think. It’s about self control and it’s about trying to overcome your preference as a parent and working hard to seem completely love-neutral to your kids because your kids didn’t ask to be born and they didn’t ask you to be their parent. It’s your job to keep you lesser liked child protected from every single thought you have in your head, the same reason you try to keep yourself from calling your child an “idiot” when your child does five dumb things in a row.

Every parent makes mistakes. It’s gonna happen, but failing to see it is to the determent of your kids…not cool.

Families who eat together, stay together. Photo via Lotus Head.

Not to throw a curve ball to my consistent apathy in parenting, but I have recently become concerned with the lack of family meal time in my life. As a hurried, chaotic family of two teens and a husband who is currently working night shift, learning how to slow down is a ginormous obstacle.

We also live in a very small space, sometimes it’s all that I have to prepare dinner and get the kids to eat it without some sort of criticism and get them to get out of my way. Every evening feels overwhelming, while my mind still races with a checklist of things to get done today and then tomorrow. None them fun. All of them fundamental, repetitive and mundane, but necessary none the less.

After dinner, there is laundry, dishes and organization to be had. After a day at work and coming home to teen spats and smelly dogs, opening a can of spaghetti sauce  and boiling water seems like a challenge of Herculean proportions. I’ll admit, it’s easier to hand plates the kids while they file downstairs and further immerse themselves in digital mediocrity and unhealthiness than it is to set the dinner table and pry my daughter off Facebook.

After a long day at work and running errands on the way home, I just want to veg. Sit in front of the TV and watch the shows I recorded from the prior evening and missed because I fell asleep in my arm chair. Having two teenagers, sometimes it’s easier to pretend they’re above all that hand-holding and togetherness, then to risk ruining my zen over the mind the mind numbing story about the girl fight at school.

But lately, I’ve had this overwhelming guilt. I grew up at the dinner table with a mother who was arguably faced with more challenges than me (although she didn’t work). I looked forward to it as a sense of calm and safety. This is something that I feel I’ve really missed out on with my kids. I feel like a failure and not in a warmhearted, humorous, blog-about-it way. With one child who’s graduating next year, I have very little time to change their habits. Habits that were formed and reinforced by me.

Why have I not seen this up until now? The family dinner table.

And it’s something that would provide the same relaxation and time to organize the family’s to-dos for the next day or week had I just committed to it. My kids have only experienced such gatherings during holidays, birthdays and frequent restaurant jaunts, but this is unacceptable.

But we’re not the only ones.

According to Time Magazine, less than half of white and black Americans eat dinner with their parents for most dinner meals while Hispanics are much more likely to eat with their parents.

Of kids who eat with their families on a regular basis (or dinner), they are 40% more likely to get As and Bs. Who knew?

So let this be a 2012/2013 school year resolution. We are eating together as a family dammit and the kids are gonna like it. This is the last year before my oldest gets shipped off to college. It’s now or never.

So let this serve as inspiration to those of you who wish — it’s never too late to start a good habit. It’s never too late to change our imperfect ways.

Should parents take youngsters to late night movies, especially those with a mature rating? Photo via Peter Szustka.

Only moments ago I read commenters on CNN who were passing judgment on the parents who took their young children to the midnight showing of the Batman movie last night which ended in horrific tragedy. They were referring to the three children rumored to have been shot by the deranged gunman in Aurora, Colorado last night after James Holmes shot upwards of 70 people in a crowded movie theater, killing at least 12.

The premiere showing of the PG-13 rated ‘Dark Knight Rises’ was scheduled to start after midnight.

Media reported that among those shots were a 3-month-old infant, 6-year-old and young girl who witnesses described between the age 9 and 11. While the injuries and conditions have not been confirmed, media outlets have reported that the 3-month-old was discharged from the hospital, suggesting she suffered only minor injuries. The 6-year-old is likely in critical condition, having been rushed to a pediatric trauma unit and the 9 to 10-year-old was laying on the sidewalk in front of the theater, gun shot wounds to her leg, stomach and chest. She may have been one of the fatalities, it’s just to early to get that kind of information.

When I read on CNN that people were being Judgey-McJudgey’s when they heard about these youngsters had been brought there by their parents or caregivers, to a mature movie in the middle of the night, I had to admit to myself that I said the same exact thing this morning.

Although my hearts breaks for these families, my ire for those who bring babies to late night movies has been a bone of contention for me long before this tragedy occured.

Not only do I think it’s unfair to these youngsters to have their sleep disturbed by really loud noises (sometimes the sound at movie theaters gives me a jolt) but it’s not fair to the other patrons when the baby starts crying which is almost certain to happen in such a foreign environment. Furthermore, children around 6-year-old could have nightmares from such a movie, not to mention, I don’t even allow my teenagers to be out that late. I just think it shows a lack of parenting prudence.

Furthermore, the MPAA states PG-13 ratings are given when:  PG-13 — Parents Strongly Cautioned. Some Material May Be Inappropriate For Children Under 13. A PG-13 rating is a sterner warning by the Rating Board to parents to determine whether their children under age 13 should view the motion picture, as some material might not be suited for them. A PG-13 motion picture may go beyond the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or other elements, but does not reach the restricted R category.

What do you think? Should we reserve our judgment or should movie theaters take a more proactive approach in denying entry to parents who bring small children to late night movie showings?

Rising costs of healthcare are unaffordable under Obamacare. Photo via Vangelis Thomaidis.

As a family of four, making approximately $50,000 a year, I fear that Obamacare will render us homeless or bankrupt.

Currently my family has a private health insurance policy which covers critical illnesses. I quite like it. It’s affordable and allows me to economize under my own risk analysis. If one of my kids gets sick, I pay a high deductible and the rest is covered. I choose this high deductible plan so that I can basically self insure the rest of my family’s healthcare needs. If one of my kids needs to go to the doctor or I need to go to the doctor, my plan grants me the repricing discount, so the office visit isn’t much more than many deductibles offered by large corporations. However, if something catastrophic happens, I take responsibility for a high deductible and am covered.

Problem is — my plan doesn’t meet the requirements of the Obamacare mandate. So, if were to continue with my plan, I would be charged the $2,500 penalty on top of my health insurance coverage, which is expected to rise significantly under the lowest coverage required. If I cannot afford both, I will still be charged the $2,500 and have NO insurance.

So, in short, I will be paying twice as much if I continue with the coverage I have now, or I will have to upgrade to the minimum plan to which nobody can tell me what the costs are. Let’s say that the minimum coverage is $500 a month, even $300 a month. I can’t afford this, so I will have to drop healthcare altogether AND pay a penalty of $2,500.00.

If I qualify for a government subsidy, I will still have a higher out of pocket monthly expense with subsidized benefits that are no better than the coverage I have now. Insurance premiums are expected to rise as much as 30% under Obamacare compared to the 5% – 6% increase before Obamacare.

So, how is this helpful?

Anyone?