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Name: Julie Marsh

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More about Julie (mothergoosemouse):

More than a mere mommyblogger, I've been an honor student, harpist, punk rocker, cheerleader, Air Force officer, record company employee, a wife and a mother to a Goose and a Mouse. You may need Cliff Notes to follow my train of thought, but at least it makes some pretty interesting stops.

 

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Filed under: Parenting

Not just imperfect, but downright Bad

Posted December 15, 2006 at 1:12 pm by Julie

I realize that it’s possible that you haven’t yet heard about Her Bad Auction.?‚? If you’re living under a rock, that is.

Her Bad Mother is a lovely Canadian blogger who first wrote last spring about her nephew Tanner.?‚? Tanner has Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy.?‚? In short, it’s a terminal disease that is already affecting his level of activity.?‚? There is no cure.

A sad corollary to Tanner’s condition is that it frightens others - children and parents alike.?‚? While he has a wonderfully supportive family, he’s lacking the social network of playdates and birthday parties that a young boy would normally enjoy.

Her Bad Auction is intended primarily to raise money and raise awareness of Muscular Dystrophy by raffling off over 40 fantastic prizes - tickets are either $1 or $5 depending on the value of the prize - and donating the proceeds to MD Canada.

But there’s another objective that will benefit Tanner directly:?‚? We’re asking people to have their children write letters to Tanner.?‚? Letters, cards, pictures, even scribbles of crayon - all of these will show Tanner that many people care for him.?‚? That people he’s never met are thinking of him and wishing him well.?‚? Specific instructions can be found on the auction site.

It’s a wonderful way to show our children how they can get involved in the spirit of the season, no matter how young they are.

And buy a ticket for yourself while you’re at it.?‚? You have to be in it to win it, and every little bit helps.

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Filed under: Religion

Think before you hit “forward” - the “delete” key might serve you better

Posted December 4, 2006 at 3:50 pm by Julie

From Full Metal Jacket:

DI Hartman:?‚? You goddam communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary . . . or I’m gonna stomp your guts out! Now you do love the Virgin Mary, don’t you?!

Private Joker: Sir, negative, sir!

(additional dialogue)

DI Hartman:?‚? Private Joker is silly and he’s ignorant, but he’s got guts, and guts is enough.

This weekend, an old friend (with whom I no longer routinely correspond) forwarded an e-mail to several addressees, adding her own subject line: “Food for thought”.?‚? The content included a monologue from Ben Stein, most of which I enjoyed, and an addendum that verged on fundamentalist propaganda.

My only argument with Mr. Stein’s monologue was with his statement that “I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can’t find it in the Constitution, and I don’t like it being shoved down my throat.”

Frankly, I find that statement to be a bit melodramatic as well as inaccurate.?‚? Apart from the holiday season and the melting pot of celebrations - some based in religion, some not -?‚? that take place, separation of church and state is specified in the Constitution.?‚? ?‚? People may?‚? worship as they please - assuming they don’t infringe upon the rights of others who may choose NOT to worship.

But it’s the addendum - the part which was not written by Ben Stein - that made me want to hit reply-all and launch into a diatribe.

There’s a lot of inaccurate information and ridiculous speculation contained therein - such as that God stepped back and allowed Hurricane Katrina to devastate the Gulf Coast because we as a country have made it clear that we don’t want God in our lives - but the part to which I objected most strongly was the end:

“Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it… no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don’t sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.”

WHAT thought process??‚? Swallowing propaganda without considering its accuracy?

And do you mean to tell me that if I hit “delete” that I’m a Communist heathen like Private Joker?

The world has been in bad shape (and “bad” is a relative term) for thousands of years.?‚? There will always be disagreement and discord.?‚? There will always be death and destruction.?‚? Much of it is under our control as humans, but some of it is not.?‚? And no, I don’t mean that it’s under the control of a deity.?‚? Nature takes its course as well, such as in Hurricane Katrina (where we as humans contributed to the destruction too).

Believing in a deity will not right the wrongs of the world.?‚? And non-believers are not to blame for those wrongs simply because they do not believe.

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Filed under: Parenting

Whose rules apply to whom?

Posted November 26, 2006 at 6:31 pm by Julie

Last week while dropping off my older daughter in her pre-school classroom, I was chatting with her teachers when I heard another child call from across the room:?‚? “You shouldn’t say ‘Oh my God’.?‚? My mommy says so.”

Feeling a little bit feisty, I replied, “Well, your mommy’s not here; I am.?‚? And I say that it’s okay to say that.”

But is it?

Obviously the children don’t set and enforce the rules in the class; the teachers do.?‚? And while I know that the hallowed Seven Dirty Words are off-limits (plus a few others), what about taking the Lord’s name in vain?

My personal standpoint is that I don’t mind if my children say words like “God”?‚? or “Jesus”.?‚? I want them to understand that other people may take those words much more seriously and will alter their personal usage accordingly, such as saying “Gosh” or “Criminey”.

I don’t even mind if the girls come home repeating choice phrases straight from the Seven Dirty Words.?‚? That’s my opportunity to let them know exactly which words I don’t consider appropriate.

But what I do mind is when other people try to enforce their arbitrary rules on my children.?‚? For example, my mother-in-law once tried to teach my older daughter to respond “God bless you!” when people sneeze.?‚? My husband shot that lesson down right away.?‚? Saying “God bless you!” is not mandatory, nor is it even necessarily good manners.?‚? I say “Thank you” when someone blesses me, but I wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t.?‚? I probably wouldn’t even notice.

Likewise, I don’t mind if my older daughter’s classmate doesn’t take the Lord’s name in vain.?‚? I think it’s admirable that she is following her mother’s rules.?‚? But those rules apply to her, not to my daughter or anyone else in the class.

Where do you draw the line in terms of others extending their rules to apply to you or your children?

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Filed under: News & Politics

Turning democrat, the West is turning Democrat, I really think so…

Posted November 12, 2006 at 12:00 pm by Julie

In the Sunday Denver Post today, an article in the?‚? Opinion section discusses the political shift in the Mountain States.

A historically Republican region,?‚? five states now have Democratic governors:?‚? Colorado (where I live), New Mexico, Arizona, Wyoming, and Montana.?‚? The Republican holdouts are Utah, Nevada, and Idaho.

I’m a registered Republican, and I voted for the Democratic candidate for governor in Colorado.

But as the article states, Western Democrats seem to be on a completely different page than Democrats who hail from the Eastern states.?‚? Western Democrats have an ideology that lines up more closely with Libertarianism than with Liberalism.?‚? In my research of the candidates, I found that to be true - hence my decision to cross party lines.

Granted, there were some issues on the ballot in Colorado?‚? - such as legalization of marijuana and same-sex partner benefits - that failed by about a two-thirds margin.?‚? The state may technically be classified as “blue” now, but it’s certainly not the same shade of blue as New York or Massachusetts.

What I hope this shift truly signals is a move to the middle.?‚? It’s not a matter of red vs. blue, or that the beliefs of one party are the antithesis of the beliefs of the other party.?‚? Contrary to what the politicians on both sides would have us believe, in reality we’re all much closer than we’d think.

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Filed under: News & Politics

Maybe…maybe not

Posted November 2, 2006 at 11:54 am by Julie

[youtube]vLuMWiQ6r2o[/youtube]

I understand why he said it - he’s trying to promote the virtues of education, making a joke that these kids can relate to.

But is he right? And does he really believe what he said?

At the Pentagon, I knew a young airman who hailed from Southeast DC. If you aren’t familiar with Southeast, it’s arguably the most impoverished of the four quadrants, where the kids have the least hope of escaping the cycle of poverty and crime.

He was an exemplary young man who had escaped that cycle - with the help of the military. I had great respect for him and for the example he set for other young men and women who came from similar backgrounds.

Meanwhile, my own younger brother, who should have had the world by the tail, enlisted in the Marine Corps. He had laughed and joked his way through high school, graduating by the skin of his teeth. He didn’t expect my parents to subsidize him. Instead, he brought them enlistment papers for their signatures.

His IQ and his ambition didn’t match up in the traditional way. He served as a mechanic in the Marine Corps, and his jobs since leaving the military have all been geared toward his mechanical talents.

Neither of these young men wasted their talents or their intelligence by enlisting in the military. Military service is an admirable career path, whether it’s taken for four years or for thirty.

So the answer to the first question is no. John Kerry’s statement is not correct. Education and military service are not an either-or proposition.

But I do have to wonder if he and other civilian leaders - regardless of their political party - look down upon the enlisted troops. Most enlistees do not have a college degree. Some of them never will.

Military leaders, regardless of their rank, almost always hold their troops in high esteem. They recognize the individual contributions made by each and every one, and they realize that their success depends upon the performance of their troops.

Civilian leaders, especially politicians - regardless of party, seem to see people as a means to an end. Sure, they act as if they care. But just like that deadbeat relative who only calls to say hello at the beginning of December, civilian leaders are driven by election timetables.

Sadly, I do think Kerry really feels this way. I think that, deep down, many civilian leaders feel this way. That military service - especially in the enlisted ranks - is a lesser choice than pursuing a college education.

I know many bloggers feel this way. And it’s insulting, whether that’s the intent or not.

It takes all kinds to make a productive society, and everyone’s role is important - from the principal of the high school to the cafeteria worker slinging hash, from the visionary CEO to the entry-level programmer, from the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to the one-striper passing a wrench to his crew chief.

My father used to say, “The world needs ditch diggers too.” His intent was not to minimize the ditch diggers’ work, but to illustrate the integral nature of all types of work.

Senator Kerry, without that ditch digger, there would be no place to lay the cable that carries your message from the television studio to milions of American homes. Be careful who you disparage in an effort to convey your message.

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Filed under: General

I’m not really a procrastinator

Posted October 30, 2006 at 2:58 pm by Julie

I purposely leave?‚? my Halloween shopping until the day before Halloween.

It makes sense:?‚? I don’t have bags of candy tempting me from the pantry, and I might even be able to pick up some goodies on sale.?‚? My kids don’t get a new costume every year, so I don’t have to worry that they’ll get stuck with the costumes that nobody else wanted, three sizes too big for them.?‚? We didn’t even carve a pumpkin this year - those suckers are expensive.?‚? I bought a bag of gourds instead.

But as stores begin displaying merchandise earlier and earlier in the season, I’m discovering that my approach isn’t as foolproof as it used to be.

I went to the Disney Store three weeks ago, where the costumes were already marked down to 50% off.?‚? A friend of mine went last week:?‚? Not a single one left.

I went to the grocery store this morning to get Halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters, and some candy corn to decorate cupcakes for Tacy’s class party.?‚? I found a lone bag of candy corn on a high shelf.?‚? If it hadn’t been out of place, and if I hadn’t been determined to find it, I would’ve gone home emptyhanded.?‚? Out of the hundreds of bags that went on display in August, one lousy bag of candy corn was left.

This afternoon, I’m heading to the craft store for trick-or-treat bags.?‚? Maybe I’ll actually find some, buried in the Christmas paraphernalia.

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Filed under: Parenting

Right under our noses

Posted October 23, 2006 at 9:00 pm by Julie

Do you trust your husband?

Your father?

Your father-in-law?

Uncles, male cousins, close male friends and neighbors?

Do you not even want to think about such questions?

It’s relatively easy to think about the possible evil perpetrated by strangers.?‚? Relatively, because it’s excruciatingly difficult to think about the possible evil perpetrated by those you know - those you, and your children, may love.

A fellow parenting blogger - Anne, also known as Crazy Mumma - wrote about her family’s experience on Thanksgiving (in Canada - I haven’t gone into a time warp).?‚? Her daughter was literally propositioned by a neighbor of the family with whom they had celebrated the holiday.

You may think that the term “propositioned” is too harsh.?‚? He merely joked that he would pay her to go home with him - it was said in jest!?‚? How could you possibly take that exchange seriously enough to call it a proposition?

If she were ten years older, what would you call it?

Anne and her husband were caught in a terrible position.?‚? They were visiting friends; they didn’t know this man well at all.?‚? How to address his inappropriate comment without offending their hosts?

But the catch here is that their hosts should have been offended by this man’s behavior themselves.?‚? THEY should have apologized to Anne and her family, and they should have stepped in to back up Anne and her husband when they told this man, “That’s enough.”

Apart from how the adults should address such situations, it’s even more difficult to prepare our children for such situations.?‚? But they need to be prepared.?‚? Without scaring the hell out of them, that is.

One of the greatest resources I’ve found is a book by Gavin de Becker called “Protecting the Gift”.?‚? It addresses a wide variety of situations that children might encounter, from the time they are able to speak to the day they leave for college.?‚? Furthermore, it gives parents a realistic view of what threats their children are most likely to face (hint: abduction by strangers is WAY down on the list).

Our personal approach has been an offhand “quiz” now and again:?‚? If you can’t find Mommy and Daddy, who do you go to for help? (Another mommy.) Who is allowed to touch your private parts? (Only me.) Are you allowed to touch other people’s private parts? (No.) What do you say if someone tries to touch you or wants you to touch them? (No!)

Not only does she remember how to take care of herself (and that it’s okay to do so), but it’s as routine as reminding her to say “please” and “thank you”.?‚? She’s not frightened; she’s empowered.

More of us than we’d care to admit have had similar experiences - some more damaging than others.?‚? We wanted to please adults; we didn’t want to be rude.?‚? Our parents didn’t understand that we weren’t just being impolite, that we felt uncomfortable.

There’s no substitute for “please” and “thank you”.?‚? But there’s also no substitute for listening to your children and respecting their feelings and intuition.

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Filed under: News & Politics

Eyes wide shut

Posted October 19, 2006 at 10:49 am by Julie

Yesterday, the latest issue of Newsweek arrived in our mailbox, bearing an image of Kim Jong Il on the cover, a mushroom cloud reflected in his glasses.?‚? This man is desperate to be taken seriously by world leaders, and yet every time I see his picture, I can’t help but think of his marionette likeness in the movie “Team America”.

The vast majority of the North Korean people are ignorant of life outside North Korea, except for the propaganda fed to them.?‚? That sort of isolation - in a country with the capability to be a major political and economic player on the world’s stage - boggles my mind.?‚? They keep the masses in the dark and have sacrificed their best and brightest to their goals of nuclear advancement.?‚? The article briefly desribes the radiation poisoning that sickened and killed so many of the top scholars.

Apart from the frightening and desperately sad details of North Korea’s past and present, I have to wonder about its future.?‚? Will the DMZ someday be dismantled and?‚? tunnels turned into tourist attractions??‚? Will the border be opened and families reunited??‚? Will the people of North Korea finally get a clear view of the rest of the world?

And when they do - when they read articles such as this Newsweek cover story and see movies like “Team America” - what will be their reaction to how the rest of the world once viewed their country and their once-revered leader??‚? What will be their reaction to the priorities set forth by Kim Jong Il - the priorities that have resulted in the suffering of so many people for so long?

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Filed under: Religion

One size does not fit all

Posted October 11, 2006 at 12:49 pm by Julie

Recently on my personal site, I’ve been embroiled in a discussion of feminism - specifically, why I choose not to “self-identify” as a feminist.?‚? In the ensuing discussion, others have suggested that perhaps the term “feminist” is too limiting - that perhaps “humanist” would be more accurate and complete.

While I agree that humanist is a more accurate and complete description, I recently read an essay by Michael Shermer in his book “Science Friction” about a similar struggle for an acceptable label among humanists and their ilk.?‚? Yes, ironically enough, although many are starting to adopt the label “humanist”, others are already seeking to shed it.

The essay presented an overview of the discussion of existing descriptors, such as “skeptics, nonbelievers, nontheists, atheists, agnostics, infides, heretics, free thinkers, humanists, secular humanists, and the like,” as well as a proposed new, all-encompassing descriptor - “brights” (used as a noun, not an adjective).

As with the term “feminist”, I take issue with applying a one-size-fits-all label.?‚? A humanist is not necessarily atheist, agnostic, or a skeptic.?‚? If the classical definition of feminism is extended, then humanism would be defined as political, economic, and social equality of all people, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, age, or sexual orientation.

I also find the term “bright” to be fairly ridiculous and potentially - and unnecessarily - offensive.?‚? And as much as I was wryly amused by the brouhaha among fellow mommybloggers regarding feminism, I have to admit that I’m more disappointed than amused that such great minds as Shermer, James Randi, and Richard Dawkins would spend time on such minutiae.

So along with not?‚? being a feminist, I’m also not a bright.?‚? I may embody much of what these descriptors are intended to encompass, but I’m too engaged in?‚? learning and discussing ideas to worry about what I ought to call myself.

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Filed under: General

Another radical mommyblogger

Posted October 4, 2006 at 9:43 pm by Julie

When Jessica invited me to blog here at The Imperfect Parent, I thought: ?‚? Woo hoo!?‚? Another forum in which to antagonize the Internet with my radical mommyblogger views.?‚? Radical because even though I’m part of the various communities of fellow parenting bloggers, many of my views differ greatly from theirs.

That’s right; I’m the token conservative.?‚? I’ll be representin’ here at The Imperfect Parent.

Before you run away screaming - or worse, click away without a second thought - please know that I do not fit the standard conservative profile.?‚? While I do have a military background and attended an impeachment rally organized by Free Republic (more for the entertainment value than as a political statement), I’m also an atheist and adamantly pro-choice.?‚? I’m dismayed by much of what I see on either side of the political aisle, and I understand why most people say that they vote for the lesser of two evils.

I spent four years as an Air Force officer working at the Pentagon and living inside the Washington Beltway.?‚? Then I spent five years working for a record company and living in New York and New Jersey.?‚? I’ve seen nearly all the points along the political continuum, which has allowed me to define and refine my views many times over.?‚? They’re still in a state of flux, because I’m still learning.?‚? I hope I never stop.

In the meantime, I’ve got a sinkload of dirty dishes and two screaming children.?‚? I’m certainly imperfect, and if for no other reason, I hope my admission of that fact will keep you reading.

Evidence of imperfection

Oh yeah, I can vouch for her imperfection.?‚? Look what I was able to accomplish while she wasn’t watching.

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"Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault." -- Dr. David M. Burns