Breastfeeding in public: Is this a made up problem?

Those who breastfeed in public are so courageous and special. Photo via Femina Potens Gallery.

Another day, another ‘nurse-in’.

Time for my quarterly ‘I’m too kewl and genius for the room ”cause I breastfeed anywhere I want’ story. I write these as often as the new mommy cries for attention get national coverage and then I watch my Facebook and Twitter fans dwindle in response because I have dared to question the sanctity and moral relevance of the breast. I may be an asshole, but I would argue, it’s not for this reason.

This time, my nurse in eye-roll honors Michelle Hickman, a Houston, Texas mom who reportedly got offended when it was suggested to her that maybe she go into the ladies fitting room to nurse her baby instead of sitting smack in the middle of the filthy Target floor to nurse her kid. Of course, she lost her shit, played up all the false outrage she could muster and held her persecution high, waving the flag of the tortured and martyred soul of the repressed.

Forget that there are kids in Uganda who have their genitals cut off by Witch-doctors as part of common societal sacrifices. Forget that a blind and deaf 9-year-old girl was just bludgeoned to death and dismembered on the doorstep of her mother’s friend in Indiana. Forget that there are places where women aren’t allowed to drive or vote or speak to a man unless they ask her a question or give her permission or that little girls are forced to marry old men and have sex with them before they’ve even reach puberty, and that is common in some countries. The list goes on…but of course, the travesty of asking a mother if she’d rather not sit on the floor and nurse is grotesque, abhorrent torture that is of priority over all travesties in this world, right?

What I want to know…what makes her so fucking special? Does breastfeeding give you the right to just sit your ass down, in the middle of the store and tell everyone to fucking deal because you and your kid are so fucking special? Why would you be offended if asked if you’d be more comfortable breastfeeding in a fitting room? I would so rather breastfeed in a fitting room than on a the floor.

These chicks and their first world problems are as annoying as they are spoiled.

Reality check:  Your self importance is only minimized by your small world reference. While there are people out there who have legitimate battles and real problems in their lives, I hesitate to say, given the spiteful revenge of breastfeeding “victims”, that asking a woman if she’d be more comfortable in a fitting room (there’s a bench and privacy, something even bottle-feeding mothers would likely appreciate), is not a real problem. It’s not even close. It’s a made up problem of the ‘Real Housewives of xyz-city’.

How many babies have died in America because their moms were offended? How many babies have died in America because some cashier gave them a dirty look? For all the times that these human rights travesties happened, how many times have women successfully breastfed in public and lived to tell the tale? (Oh, I know. The last one is mundane and doesn’t give you a spot on Anderson Cooper nor does it give you a chance to be part of something that gives you self-worth and identity.)

Seriously, am I the only one asking, “Who the fuck cares???”