Breastfeeding in public: Is this a made up problem?

Posted December 29, 2011 at 2:31 pm by Jessica

Those who breastfeed in public are so courageous and special. Photo via Femina Potens Gallery.

Another day, another ‘nurse-in’.

Time for my quarterly ‘I’m too kewl and genius for the room ”cause I breastfeed anywhere I want’ story. I write these as often as the new mommy cries for attention get national coverage and then I watch my Facebook and Twitter fans dwindle in response because I have dared to question the sanctity and moral relevance of the breast. I may be an asshole, but I would argue, it’s not for this reason.

This time, my nurse in eye-roll honors Michelle Hickman, a Houston, Texas mom who reportedly got offended when it was suggested to her that maybe she go into the ladies fitting room to nurse her baby instead of sitting smack in the middle of the filthy Target floor to nurse her kid. Of course, she lost her shit, played up all the false outrage she could muster and held her persecution high, waving the flag of the tortured and martyred soul of the repressed.

Forget that there are kids in Uganda who have their genitals cut off by Witch-doctors as part of common societal sacrifices. Forget that a blind and deaf 9-year-old girl was just bludgeoned to death and dismembered on the doorstep of her mother’s friend in Indiana. Forget that there are places where women aren’t allowed to drive or vote or speak to a man unless they ask her a question or give her permission or that little girls are forced to marry old men and have sex with them before they’ve even reach puberty, and that is common in some countries. The list goes on…but of course, the travesty of asking a mother if she’d rather not sit on the floor and nurse is grotesque, abhorrent torture that is of priority over all travesties in this world, right?

What I want to know…what makes her so fucking special? Does breastfeeding give you the right to just sit your ass down, in the middle of the store and tell everyone to fucking deal because you and your kid are so fucking special? Why would you be offended if asked if you’d be more comfortable breastfeeding in a fitting room? I would so rather breastfeed in a fitting room than on a the floor.

These chicks and their first world problems are as annoying as they are spoiled.

Reality check: Your self importance is only minimized by your small world reference. While there are people out there who have legitimate battles and real problems in their lives, I hesitate to say, given the spiteful revenge of breastfeeding “victims”, that asking a woman if she’d be more comfortable in a fitting room (there’s a bench and privacy, something even bottle-feeding mothers would likely appreciate), is not a real problem. It’s not even close. It’s a made up problem of the ‘Real Housewives of xyz-city’.

How many babies have died in America because their moms were offended? How many babies have died in America because some cashier gave them a dirty look? For all the times that these human rights travesties happened, how many times have women successfully breastfed in public and lived to tell the tale? (Oh, I know. The last one is mundane and doesn’t give you a spot on Anderson Cooper nor does it give you a chance to be part of something that gives you self-worth and identity.)

Seriously, am I the only one asking, “Who the fuck cares???”

Tags: bfip, bottle-feeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding in public, formula-feeding, mommy-wars, nurse-ins, Target

Sarah

you are so right on this. no one should just sit in the middle of Target to do anything… besides tie a shoe

Vgensheimer

You mentioned circumcision in other countries.. It occurs here to baby boys without their permission everyday.. Breaztfeeding rights I also being taken away from our children everyday. The right to eat and be fed is backed by law.. You seem to been a very unhappy person..

Doug

“Seriously, am I the only one asking, ‘Who the fuck cares???’”

No. But you are the only one acting like a juvenile and using immature derogatory language when posting about this subject. It’s readily apparent that you are either a paid shill for the formula companies, or have deep seated emotional issues regarding your own failure at breast feeding your children. This issue seem to be manifesting themselves as anger, as demonstrated in the above essay.

Unless you are a paid shill I would suggest taking a break from posting about the subject and seeking help from a mental health professional.
http://fancypansy.wordrpess.com FancyMomma

What Doug said. We get it. You were UTBF, and need to take it out on any BFing moms who actually think breast feeding is “gasp” good for their babies or “gasp” want to do it in public.

I, BTW, BF on the floor in Wal-mart once. Not because I wanted to make a big spectacle of it, but because I was running errands with a friend and our older kids, were were all in one aisle looking for gifts for a birthday party we were going to, and I needed to nurse my baby. Sure, I could have gone to a bench or fitting room…but then we would have been late where we were going, or I would have missed out on the shopping with my friend and our kids. So, I sat down. BFD? If I had been FFing and stopped to hold a bottle in my babies mouth in the stroller, nobody would have cared! Yes, bad things happen in the world, worse things that being asked not to BF in public, worse thing that being unable to breast-feed. Whatever, bigger things happening doesn’t mean smaller things don’t matter.
yadira

It’s a touchy subject but true, I my self am a breast feeding mom and i don’t like looking at other moms nursing their kids in public specially when they just pop their boob out for everyone to see and/or breastfeeding a toddler that’s just nasty. I don’t feel im special in any sort of way because i breastfeed my child. But i do understand people don’t want to see it so i make sure to do in in private my child is NOT going to die if she has to wait a bit until i find a suitable place to nurse. Sitting on the floor is very uncomfortable.

JD

Are you aware of the health benefits of breastfeeding a toddler? Who are you to judge when it becomes “nasty”? The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until the age of 2 at least, but hey, they’re just a bunch of doctors and medical professnals. What do they know?

MamaC

Its totally a made up problem. In the 7 years I breastfed 3 children, I fed in public as I needed to, was never told to stop, and I never so poorly planned my day that I had to sit on a dirty floor in the aisle of a discount store to feed my kids either. Who would feed their child there, and why would you think that was a good idea?
meg

As a BF mom of 2 children, I can say that I would have MUCH preferred nursing in a fitting room over the middle of a big box aisle, and on the floor, no less. That being said, there are times that you just have to do what you have to do. I’ve nursed on flights several times (once sitting next to a teenage boy, bless his heart) and once at a public pool (there’s really no comfortable nursing spots at ‘wet and wild’), during each of these instances I was completely covered with a large blanket/towel, and most people simply thought the baby was sleeping (including the afformentioned teenager on the plane.)I agree that hosting/ attending a “nurse in” is a bit much, considereing the Texas mom’s “incident”, however, I also believe that the foul language concerning “BF moms and their kids being so f*&%ing special” was uncalled for and way overdone.
CeeKing

I agree with MamaC. Eight years, 3 exclusively breastfed on demand children, and never once did I need to sit on the floor in any public place to nurse my babies. I did not ever seek out a fitting room, restroom, or any other such private place to nurse (it’s not as though onlookers could see anything save the back of babies head). Further, somehow I managed to never once get a dirty look or comment from anyone who saw.
Natalie

I breastfeed regardless or where I am or what time. My child’s comfort is my first priority always. I would consider this woman unorganized because she miscalculated her timing and had to feed her tot at target. People are going to give you dirty looks either way. A screaming child is equally as appalling to people as seeing my nipple. You can’t control a baby’s need to nurse. There are so many factors; room temperature, stress level.. My daughter wants to nurse if she feels uncomfortable. If it came down to offending someone or calming my child. Guess what ? The boobs is coming out.
3k

What cracks me up is you BF Moms don’t want to be judged, but I can’t tell you how many times BF Moms judged me because I formula fed all three of my babies, and they turned out perfect by the way. I’m so sorry I didn’t want to stick my nipple in my childs mouth. Sorry, just not for me. I never say anything 2 anyone I see BF. I could honestly give 2shits less as long as you’re taking care of your child and they are getting what they need, and I and MY children or husband even don’t have 2 see your boob hanging out in full view. If anyone else exposed themselfs in public it would be considered indecent and they would be arrested. I’m tired of breastfeeding Moms judging bottle feeding Moms. It’s old, it’s over with, and done for. Just stop. Feed your kid how ever you please, just cover your girls up because I sure as hell don’t want 2 see your kid sucking on your nipple. Just so you know I have three smart, beautiful, wonderful, caring, giving children and they all ate something that wasn’t boob juice in a bottle. Get over yourselfs and find something worth while 2 bitch about.

Jd

I don’t want to see you or your children eat in public. My husband doesn’t want to either. Does that sound like my place to dictate to you?

I couldn’t care less if you formula fed your babies. I was adopted so I was formula fed and I believe I turned out just fine. However, it’s not your right to re-interpret the law and determine where I can feed my baby when it is his right to eat wherever he and I are legally allowed to be.

Charlene

Sorry 3K, but as a mother that breastfeeds and has pumped milk for bottles, there is absolutely NO comparison between the judgment that breastfeeding mothers receive versus formula feeding mothers. No one has ever said anything to me when I have given my baby a bottle which presumably is formula, but the following has happened to me when breastfeeding in public (and I only breastfeed in public when absolutely necessary and ALWAYS with a cover):
- thanked while in a restroom for having the common sense to breastfeed in the restroom with a cover (I almost got up and moved to a public area this comment was so offensive – plus if breastfeeding grosses you out please do not approach me while I am bonding with my child)
- told to move to the restroom (which once I arrived only had toilet seats to sit on)
- fellow passenger asked to move away from me on an airplane the day before Christmas even though I weigh 100 pounds and was nowhere near touching the man. He also made me de-latch and hit my baby while trying to get away from us (I really wish I had told the flight attendant about the injury to my baby so he could have been thrown off the flight and missed Christmas with his children as any such despicable person deserves).
I have plenty of formula feeding friends and none of my breast feeding friends care or judge them (including myself). It’s a personal choice. Period. But don’t act like you have it hard – you don’t! It would be much easier for me to just hand my eight month old a bottle as she has already been able to feed herself a bottle for months, while I tend to my toddler, rather than feeding her several times a day (many more times than formula feeders are required), deal with block ducts, mastitis, never leaving her for more than two hours…etc. It’s difficult, but that is the choice I and many mothers make for our children. I realize it’s not a choice that works for everyone. But it’s irritating that we get criticized for it (am I proud of myself for the sacrifice? Yes. Do I or any other breast-feeding mother I know think we deserve a medal? No.)

Although I personally would not sit down and breastfeed in an aisle or without a cover I will defend the right of any woman to do so. She had four children with her so a fitting room just wasn’t feasible for her (don’t forget that most stores probably wouldn’t have let her go into a fitting room anyway). A woman right sitting right beside me started breastfeeding just today without a cover and guess what? I didn’t see a thing! I assume all of these people that are so anti breast-feeding in public are also launching campaigns to EVERY magazine on the stands at these stores for the breast displays, which shows much more than any breastfeeding mother I have ever encountered. No? Didn’t think so…..I guess seeing breasts is okay for your children as long as they are presented in a sexual way.
http://www.imperfectparent.com Stacey S_MOD

I BF my son & I would never have sat on a floor in any public place.

I did BF once in a grocery store….hubby pushed the cart while I nursed…while we were walking through the isles. If you are accustomed to nursing you can pretty much BF while doing anything…it’s not a BFD & I wish people would stop grandstanding about it, for the most part it doesn’t become an issue until someone makes a spectacle of themselves…I believe this is a prime example of that.
If her 4 year old was hungry would she have had a carpet picnic right there in the middle of Target too?

Newincs

Four year old =/= baby. Would you be ok with her baby screaming all the way through the store while she searched for a place that YOU deem “appropriate”? No, then you would be whining about that “loud, crying baby” and saying things like “Why won’t she shut that kid up?”.

NanaJan

I like the way Mrs. Duggar breastfeeds her babies, even while on television. She is modest and covers herself and baby with a lightweight blanket while the cameras are directed towards her, or when in a public situation when the baby is hungry.
As you know, a hungry baby can’t wait.
I haven’t heard anyone complain about her method, and she’s nursed 19 children. I don’t think she’d have to sit on a floor in the middle of a store or scold others, either. She’s a great example.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=526195013 Becky Lactivist Wheeler

She also wouldn’t allow anyone to see her pregnant belly. Anyway, I know that I don’t need a hot stuffy blanket over my kids’ head to be modest. He’d throw a screaming fit, anyway, if I tried to cover with a blanket. And I bet in about 2 months from now, he’d be throwing it off of himself.

NanaJan

I also don’t think it’s necessary or a sign of a good writer when someone uses the “F” word throughout their article to get their point across.
Kymberly

Applause! Applause!

For the record I breasted two children – one until age 2 so I’m not a paid shill for the formula companies OR anti-breastfeeding.

I’m just someone with some common sense and the big picture to understand that everything isn’t all about me, and that sometimes a simple “no I would not like to move into the fitting room but thank you for asking” would do.

Newincs

She wasn’t just politely asked once. Several “team members” came up to her and tried to BULLY her into moving. When she approached Target about this she was told it is their policy to not allow breastfeeding in their stores in public.. regardless of the laws. A simple “No, I would not like to move into the fitting room. Thank you for asking” was offered to the first, second AND third person. Then a call to the corporation reminding them of the law and being told they don’t care what the law is, spawned this trouble. Know what you are bashing before you start bashing. Thanks

Anonymous

I would be offended because (duh) I know that fitting rooms exist; and I would go there on my own if that’s what I wanted to do. However, I find it easiest (and plenty comfortable) to just sit down and feed my baby as soon as she starts to act hungry. I really don’t want to walk somewhere that I wasn’t otherwise going (especially if I have multiple kids and stuff in tow) while, all the while, my baby grows more and more upset. But thanks for thinking of me.
jesshle

you’re what we call an asshole, where I come from…there are so many injustices in the world it’s true, but just because something isn’t important to you doesn’t mean it isn’t important to others. You Have NOOO right to tell someone their rights being violated here in a free country, is not important. If all of these injustices that you mentioned were such a fucking big deal to you you’d get your ass out there and deal with them on a personal level…instead of being miss good doer over the internet and talking a good game blabbing your pie hole instead of hopping on a plane to a third world country right now like THE REAL people who make a difference do. Get the fuck over yourself lady!
http://twitter.com/tjdove79 Tanya Dove

A baby should be able to drink anywhere you would drink a coffee or water. You are a classless individual and clearly uneducated.
TaliaM

The last thing you, as a woman, should be doing is agreeing that woman need to hide out when they breast feed their child. Have you ever gone to a country outside the US? Everyone does it and no one bats an eye. Why? Because breast feeding is NORMAL. However, here in America, the media controls what you think and the media tells you its only okay to show your body if your 20something and trying to get mens attention. No one breastfeeds to show their breast, they do it because its natural and normal. It’s a shame that the media has brain washed you. I feel bad for you and those who follow your twisted beliefs.
Ebniv06

Who are you to judge and call names? I have never been so disgusted with a writer. You have no respect for fellow women/mothers. And in case you didn’t know the AAP defined Breastfeeding and Lack there of as a HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUE!
kl

As an adult, you should know the fact that no one is responsible for making you uncomfortable except yourself, no one has that kind of control over you – or they shouldn’t.

Breastfeeding is absolutely normal and healthy. Women should be able to breastfeed their baby wherever they may be, so I think Michelle Hickman and others like her, as well any person who believes that nursing in public is fine, do us a service in changing this warped society so that perhaps, slowly, people can start to see that breasts were in fact made for breastfeeding. Everything else you do with them is a bonus. Don’t like it? Put a blanket over *your* head.
http://www.imperfectparent.com/ The Imperfect Parent

The overwhelming response here, which is “I breastfeed and I’m sooooo persecuted and you’re a jerk because you don’t want to see me breastfeeding my starving baby, ie; you want us to die and think that of my breasts are sex objects (ew.)” proves my point exactly!

See, I DON’T CARE if you breastfeed in public. I am truly uninterested in your breasts, as disappointing as that may be.

By all means, breastfeed in the middle of Target on the floor, on the top of a table at a restaurant or in the middle of the street. I agree, you should be able to breastfeed wherever you want! Yay. Consensus.

The point that seems to be going over most of your heads — if some numbnut employee asks you if you prefer to move to a fitting room, perhaps this isn’t the gross injustice that you make it out to me. Maybe it’s just a dumb kid who doesn’t know any better or maybe the employee thought you might be more comfortable. Maybe the employee doesn’t find your breasts especially hypnotizing and they were honestly trying to be helpful, thinking that you might honestly be uncomfortable on a dirty floor.

It seems it’s the bfing moms are the ones that are offended. It’s like fake outrage. As somebody pointed out before, as an adult, you have the power to not allow other people to make you feel uncomfortable while you’re breastfeeding.

My post was merely to point out that bfing isn’t as interesting (and bf’drs aren’t so persecuted) as they think they are.

It’s an opinion. I have a right to mine as much as you have a right to yours.

Breastfeeding in public: Is this a made up problem?

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