Nurse-ins Canadian style

It must be the equivalent of TV sweeps all over Internet news today. All the major online news sites are linking to AOL’s story about women staging yet another breastfeeding “nurse-in.” While this particular story takes place in Canada, it rehashes itself yearly throughout privileged North America. (It’s almost as if the news organizations are hip to keyword searches on “breasts.” But I digress, and because this is a real story with real people, I feel compelled to offer my real opinion.)

This is how the particular “nurse-in” is born:

Mom goes into :insert any vanilla retail establishment here: and breastfeeds her baby or toddler or sister or brother or grandparent. Enter lowly minimum wage, employee moron who tells mother that she cannot “do that” in :insert any vanilla retail establishment here:. Mom gets embarrassed and writes all over Facebook and her blog that she has been VIOLATED, mistreated, humiliated, scarred, persecuted and DEEEEEE-NIED! Trolls come out to tell her to breastfeed her tyrants in full Muslim burqa or while she’s taking a dump or something even more moronic and breastfeeding advocates come out in droves to declare bigotry, ignorance and claim punitive damages or something like that. And then they all decide to visit a mall or big box store with their babies, brothers, sisters, toddlers and grandparents to breastfeed in front of the whole world all in effort to point out the misguided efforts of a lowly retail worker, but only after they get enough media there to report on it. After all, breastfeeding moms don’t just whip it out for anybody.

I’m thinking the next time I get treated rudely by some zitty faced, work permit holding a-hole teenager, I’m going to stage a “hum-in”, whereby I get all angry citizens together to hold hands across America (or some homogenized mall) and simply hum in methodical meditation harmony because I have decided: I will not allow big corporate America to keep me down any longer. I will stand up for my rights when some idiot cashier tells me I can’t eat my sandwich in their store.

I. Am. A. Human. Being!