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Filed under: General

Awful, Very Bad, No Good, Terrible Twos

Posted June 7, 2009 at 8:03 pm by Maureen

My son turns two in August. He’s been exhibiting a lot of behavior that falls squarely into the “terrible twos” category since about 17/18 months. I’ve been told this is normal. I’ve been told it gets better at two, then bad again at three. I’ve been told “just wait until two.” Whatever the answer, I’m hoping it either ends soon or I’m granted about 500 more patience points by the divine.

 Seemingly overnight, my son transformed from a kid we could take anywhere—WOULD take anywhere thanks to his perfect restaurant behavior—into a child that can’t handle sitting in a shopping cart for five minutes while in Target because all he wants to do is squirm and run around and knock things over.

 It’s a tough stage. It’s a stage that makes you doubt yourself as a parent. It pushes you far beyond your patience limit and then back again. It’s a stage where one parent is pitted against the other at times, just desperately trying to find a way to make it through our cheeseburgers on a Friday night out in public.

 Time-outs work pretty well, but my husband and I are still frazzled and on-edge after a particularly difficult tantrum session. But, thankfully, we’ve found a way to cope—we laugh. We joke that living with our son is like living with a very tiny, very loud, very destructive drunk person–emotionally unstable, extreme mood swings, wobbly gait, copious amounts of drool, liquids spilled on the carpet and a predilection for running around naked. It’s like living with a college student.

 So, here’s hoping that this challenging stage passes soon—although it’s sort of the-devil-you-know-versus-the-devil-you-don’t. Because I’ll probably look back at this post later on in life, after he’s totaled our car or something similar, and wish time-outs still worked.

 But, I’d love to hear any other suggestions or comments—even if it’s just to express shared misery!

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2 Responses to “Awful, Very Bad, No Good, Terrible Twos”

1. Rita

June 8, 2009 @ 9:19 am

I think your mindset is dead-on with it. The first thing to do is to separate their behavior from yourself–as in: don’t take it personally. It’s their behavior, it’s what’s going on inside them and it’s not a reflection of YOU or your parenting or anything you’ve done. Actually, if your kid is tantrumming at this age it’s a good sign you’re doing things correctly because it means you’re holding boundaries and keeping structure and not being overly permissive, all of which piss a kid off. Some kids don’t tantrum anyway, but they’re of a different breed.

So, you’re doing that by viewing him as a little drunk. You know it’s not about you, it’s all him.

Secondly, laughing is great. It helps you put it in perspective, it helps break some of the tension and IMO, it also lets the kid know that not only is his tantrum not working, but he looks like fool doing it. I always laughed at my tantrumming kids (when I wasn’t just ignoring the tantrums).

Sticking to your rules and not caving in will make the tantrumming phase go by faster (although each tantrum may last forever and you may suffer back-to-back-to-back tantrums), and it will help later on, too, with those teen year issues. You’re forming that parent/child relationship now, and the kid wants to know where those boundaries are and exactly how far he can push them, so that’s what he’s doing. It will get better… and worse… just hang in there.

2. Christine

June 20, 2009 @ 8:15 am

Check out a book called ‘The Pocket Parent.’ It’s directed at parents of little kids and it has all of the problems listed in alphabetical order (”Potty training,” “Fighting,” “Self Esteem,” “Discipline” etc.). It was written by two parents of three kids each who have each been involved in helping parents for many years. Good luck.

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"Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways." -- Samuel McChord Crothers