Photo by Sean Dreilinger
The gist of it is this: Parents make a conscious decision to give their children equal say and representation in how they’re raised, their discipline (if any) and major family decisions giving them complete freedom to choose whatever they want to do in any situation, barring life threatening situations (at least I hope so as this isn’t addressed in the article). Only difference with this new press — it’s been given a new name, “consensual parenting”. Formally such movements were called everything from child centered parenting, attachment parenting or “gentle discipline”.
“When parents put themselves in the role as authorities, they may believe they are doing it ‘for the child’s good,’ ” writes one of the movement’s co-founders, Anna Brown, “but they could be missing an opportunity to have more connected relationships with their children.”
Lindsay Hollett of Nanaimo, B.C., says that she began to snap less with her husband, Craig, and her 18-month-old daughter, Kahlan, after she adopted the consensual-living mindset about a year ago.
Her days became more relaxed when she focused more on Kahlan’s needs, she says. If she had a doctor’s appointment but her daughter was feeling grumpy, for example, Ms. Hollett would not force Kahlan to wait with her to see the doctor. Instead, Ms. Hollett might cancel the appointment or arrange alternative child care, she says.
So, basically, this is a parenting method whereby no boundaries or limits are placed on ones own children.
My question is — what’s the point of even being a parent? Doesn’t this higher form of enlightened parenting render parents role obsolete? Couldn’t you just as easily send them to state run institution to be raised if your only duty as a parent is to make sure your kid doesn’t kill themselves?
When Kiernen strikes another child, Ms. Keller asks him what he’s feeling and whether he’d like to express his anger or frustration in another way, such as using words or hitting a pillow.
She tells him it’s not okay to hit others, but she and her husband, Josh, do not force Kiernen to say he’s sorry. “If he’s going to apologize, we want it to be authentic,” Ms. Keller says.
My opinion on this is that these children are going to grow up completely anti-social and lacking any real coping mechanisms and boundaries. And that affects everybody. In my opinion this fosters as much damage on a child than what the opposite does, which is parenting by control and humiliation. I also think these parents lack child rearing skills themselves.
I have been a victim of some of this type of parenting which has haunted me my entire life. My mother was completely submissive and that’s not what I needed as a child. I didn’t appreciate raising myself and while I had to find my own coping mechanisms in life, they have not come without a dire cost and consequence as a deficit in my self esteem and my ability to relate to other people.
Plus, it’s just more work to actually work with a child and teach him rather than let him them do whatever he wants. This labeling only allows gives you an excuse to tell your friends, family and neighbors that you’re evoking this whole new parenting approach instead of taking the time and effort required to raise your children the right way.
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