If there is one thing that, more than anything else, will keep me out of the motherhood hall of fame it is this: I do not enjoy playing with my kids.

I know, blasphemy. Today’s “involved moms” are all about getting down on the floor and playing with their children. Building blocks, zooming cars, and taking part in elaborate tea parties where mommy wiles away the day sipping air out of a dusty cup and faux-nibbling mud pies for fun.

Fun. Sure, that’s all well and good and who doesn’t enjoy a rousing rendition of “this little piggy went to market” with some sweet lil’ ole’ baby toes from time to time? I love working on craft projects, baking, or reading with my kids. It’s the actual child’s play that gets me down. There really ought to be a warning on all this quality time. This “mommy and me” stuff is simply a gateway drug to harder stuff. Namely, being forced to feign and interest in your older children’s collections, trading cards, and video games.

There, I said it. I am not now, nor have I ever been all that invested in Pokemon. Pokemon is a cartoon, trading card, and video game phenomenon that has become an empire second only to Microsoft in terms of market presence. We have Pokemon cards, movies, bedding, clothing, stuffed toys, action figures, and for all I know Pokemon cards are being actively traded on the New York Stock Exchange. At some point I believe their value definitely outperformed GM.

Yet, despite nearly a decade of near constant exposure to the characters, I still don’t know all my Pokemon characters beyond that one is some sort of turtle (maybe). This is not my fault, however, because what I do know is that Pokemon characters are forever evolving into something else. Just when I understood what a Snorlax was, he/she/it up and morphed into something else! How am I to keep up? It’s all I can do to keep up with members of Congress when they pull those kind of tricks.

Transform. Worse yet, my children, bless their optimistic little hearts – actually believe that I care about these transformations. Many the times a remarkable train of thought has been derailed by cries of “mom come quick!” Well, there’s one born every minute and I am the mother who is perpetually a sucker for any panicked cry of “Mom!” Thus I rush off to find out that snorklewhosits is transforming into butterflibberjibit (or something) before my very eyes!

Whoopee. (Not).

Bore. The thing is, I don’t want to let on that video game characters bore me to tears. I want at the very least the credit for feigning an interest in this stuff. It would not to do to become the mothering version of “look kid, she’s just not that into you.” I’ve just never found video games – or their characters – very engaging. Yet, I don’t want my children to think I don’t find THEM fascinating. I mean who among us hasn’t wanted to go on and on and on about our chosen hobby or that great movie we just saw? You get me started on digital photography or scrapbooking and you might find yourself plotting to chew off your own limb to escape. I know how that goes. Thus, I want to give my children the same joy in sharing. I want to be that parent that is hip, cool, and open to new and exciting things. I want them to trust me with secrets big and small. I just can’t help but wish that so much of our sharing didn’t seem to happen over the painstaking explanation of yet another not-so-exciting plot twist in the world of Pokemon, YuGiOh and any and all characters on MarioKart racing.

Maybe my real problem is that they don’t make cartoon characters that bridge the generation and literary gap?

When someone calls me over to witness the exciting transformation of a videogame version of Scarlett O’Hara into someone Rhett can really love - I’m in. I could totally see a Steinbeck trading card game – I see you one Lenny “Of Mice and Men” and raise you two Joads from “The Grapes of Wrath” maybe?

Game. Until then I’m that mom you’ll see gamely pretending to know (and love) all the various little cartoon characters that morph in and out of our lives. You see, even if I don’t care a whit about those pesky cartoon characters – there are a few little human characters around here that I care for very much. Interestingly enough, their transformation is endlessly entertaining, even if their hobbies aren’t.