Would You Like Some Tasty Gender-Bias With Your M&M’s?

Posted October 27, 2008 at 2:38 pm by Beth

My three-year-old son is going to be a butterfly for Halloween this year. I admit, when he first told me this was what he wanted, my heart melted a little. It was completely his idea, but you can bet I jumped on it. His costume is now complete with huge red and black wings, and he is so excited to take flight on Friday.

But you know what I’m about to tell you, right?

The response we’ve gotten when telling people what he is going to be has been less than stellar. When his friends find out, other three-, four-, or five-year-olds, you can see their confusion. They frown and shake their heads. “But he can’t be a butterfly. He’s not a girl.” And then their parents quickly jump in saying that of course he can be a butterfly, overdoing it because they are embarrassed, and most definitely because they see my son’s face (and mine). They don’t need to be embarrassed though. I know these parents, and I know they are not sitting around their house telling their sons they can only wear blue, play with trucks, and dress in fatigues for Halloween; I know they are not telling their daughters to cradle their baby dolls, primp their pink bows, and don sparkly tu-tus for the upcoming holiday.

And yet it is there. Why is that? Where do children so young get these ideas, assuming these children aren’t at home watching commercials all day?

When I have my son tell other adults that he is going to be a butterfly they are overly overjoyed. How sweet! A young sensitive boy who wants to be a butterfly. Aaaaaw. They give me a knowing wink. I don’t know what they are “knowing,” but it is clearly something. Maybe it’s because they feel proud, like me. When he first told me he wanted to be a butterfly I couldn’t help but congratulate myself on the fact that he saw nothing wrong with the idea. Other adults might also find it endearing, endearing and novel. I wonder if he picks up on everyone’s over-enthusiasm.

Am I a bit relieved that he chose the red and black wings? Yeah, probably so. I’m hoping for a less negative response on Halloween night as a result of his oh-so-very masculine and feathery butterfly wings (the wings that come in the packaging with the picture of the scantily-clad woman on the front). I can’t bear the thought of walking around that night for our first trick-or-treating experience with other children snickering.

I swear, if some kid so much as points at him with a smirk on his face I will bash his head with our jack-o-lantern. I will go Michael Myers on his ass (or her ass – let me make no assumptions here). Jason Voorhees will have nothing on me. No, I will be Jason’s Mother, wielding my maternal wrath.

Tags: Butterfly costumes, children stereotyping, costumes, gender stereotyping, gender-bias, Halloween, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers

Kennedy

One of my sons was a witch when he was 4 or 5. He was adorable. No one could tell he was a boy! And it’s no big deal. It’s Halloween. They can be anything they want, in my opinion.
Happy Halloween to you and your little red and black butterfly! Have fun.
http://www.imperfectparent.com Rita

Yeah, that’s what they do at that age and it is sweet. What’s more important is your support of it, because that’s showing what kind of parents he has and that will last longer than a halloween costume. I think the over-enthusiasm from the other adults is more about that–showing that they support YOU. The other day, there was a little boy in pre-school with blue nail polish. I made a show of complimenting him on it, so his mom would know that she has support in letting her kid express himself. It wasn’t about the nail polish.
http://occupationmommy.blogspot.com Occupation: Mommy

Why is it that butterflies are seen as “girly,” anyway?
http://www.imperfectparent.com Rita

True. Kinda made me think of the butch ladybug in that Disney movie.
http://www.izzyeats.com izzy’s mama

Ah, those were the days. My son was a witch when he was three, complete with a sparkly hat and feather trim on the sleeves. A few remarks were made but thankfully he was blissfully unaware. Now he is five and wants to be batman (not so much fun for me), only because that is what he hears the other boys talk about. I take heart though because he is still a great fan of the color pink, despite the fact that some girls told him it was for girls. He still wears his pink shirt to school! Hope your little butterfly guy has a great time!
http://jennandlucas.blogspot.com Jenn

Lucas is going to be a butterfly too! We couldn’t find anything but pink and purple ones, so we made his. Hopefully they’ll turn out great. We are almost done.

Jenn
http://sallinger.spaces.live.com/default.aspx mully

Butterflies are very pretty, with all the colors they display PLUS…they can FLY!

I would think that maybe these are the reasons your son wanted to be a butterfly.

When I was very small, after viewing the Wizard of Oz, I remember begging my Dad to buy me a “magic wand” I wanted to wave it, the same way Glenda, the good witch had, and make things magically happen.

I REALLY believed that! So, to me, its not a stretch, that at your son’s age, he might think that being a butterfly means he, too, will be able to fly.

Ask him, if u havent already, why he chose the butterfly. I wouldnt be at all surprised if he says something about their colors and that they can fly.
iowafan

Good job letting him be what he wants!
My son has always worshipped his sister who is 2 years older…when he was 3, both kids had wanted their nails painted blue. At swim lessons, another little boy made a huge deal of it (which didn’t bother my son.)
The next day, his male instructor proudly showed the kids his blue fingernails It was so sweet!

My son loves dance and baseball equally– and will even be in the Nutcracker this year with his sister. He is 9. He will be a ninja for Halloween..he’s rough, messy, loud, and doesn’t care what others think. I’m pretty proud
1
http://www.imperfectparent.com Jessica

Definitely take some pictures to hold over him when he gets into high school.
Jane

Maybe a butterfly is a 3 year old’s Superman.
http://www.imperfectparent.com Rita

Maybe a butterfly is a 3 year old’s Superman.

I truly love that thought, from top to bottom.
http://www.totalmomhaircut.com/ Beth

I definitely sensed that he expected to take flight when he tried on his wings. I guess it makes sense that he would assume that if he was, in fact, a butterfly then he’d be able to fly.

And I suppose now is a good time to tell ya’ll that my younger son will be going as a ladybug…
Kymberly

I swear, if some kid so much as points at him with a smirk on his face I will bash his head with our jack-o-lantern. I will go Michael Myers on his ass

I parent the exact same way! I get ya!

You go dude!

If it’s any consolation, by the “tween” years boys really do apparently go through a phase where “dressing as a female character” (an *actual* female character such as Hannah Montana, Cheerleader, or Wendy of Wendy’s hamburger fame) is “hot.”

We just don’t know how to break it to the 14 year old boy going as “Wendy” that most people are going to assume he’s Raggedy Ann
http://workingmomofliam.blogspot.com Gina

I think it’s great that they are both bugs for halloween. My kid is going to be batman because the grandma chose that for him… for all I know he wanted to be a butterfly. Nothing wrong with that.
http://www.shoutdaily.com Tricia

My son came home from preschool the other day (he’s four) and told me that girls were yucky, and he only wanted to play with boys. I had no idea the gender separation started so early, or where they learn it from. I think it’s wonderful that your son wants to fly with butterfly wings.
http://thegeekinside.blogspot.com sari

Good for you! And I’m not winking or over-emphasizing at all!

I can’t wait to see pictures.
http://www.projectmotherhood.com Charline

I knew what this was going to be about! I know. I totally paused for a moment when you told me and I don’t even know why. It just caught me off guard, probably because of Jude’s ideas for costumes. But, I think it’s adorable, of course.

When Jude asked me later what Sam was going to be for Halloween and I told him a butterfly, he paused too, and I was curious to hear his reaction. And it wasn’t a boy/girl thing at all. He just said, “But that’s not scary!” So, I’m glad he wasn’t thinking about gender, just this idea he has in his head that Halloween costumes are supposed to be scary.

So, of course, I explained that they don’t have to be scary, just something you are not. Then he was fine with it and delighted that he, Sam, Robby, and Ruby will all be wearing wings on Halloween! (Ruby is going to be a fairy princess and Jude will be a bat).

So, happy “flying” from house to house, everyone!
Heidi

Where do they think caterpillars come from? There are boy butterflies too. When I was a kid, my brother almost always dressed as a woman for Halloween. One year it was Mammy Yokum, one year Anne Boleyn (with his “head” tucked under his arm). Even as an adult, one year he and his wife went to a Halloween party with my brother dressed as a French maid (complete with tatoos and full beard) and his wife dressed in a tuxedo with cutaway coat and smoked a cigar. Yep, it’s Hallowe’en!

But seriously, it is sad how people try to put standards about these things on kids practically from birth. I work at a thrift store, and I can’t tell you how many times little boys pick up a doll or some other toy perceived as a “girl” thing, and they get screamed at. No wonder they grow up messed up. You are doing the right thing letting your son be a boy butterfly. I think it’s great.

Would You Like Some Tasty Gender-Bias With Your M&M’s?

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