I hope hope hope that the stories of Tom Cruise’s parenting are greatly exaggerated.  There were no freaky parenting reports about the children he adopted with Nicole Kidman (though, who knows, maybe Nicole – despite all the Botox and extreme skinniness - was the sane parent) but that was back PJOOC (Pre Jumping On Oprah’s Couch). 

And it’s not really Suri that I’m worried because, come on, what two-year old doesn’t talk to her dolls?  When I was two I took an ink pen and scribbled all over my favorite doll and when my mother asked me why I did it I said “She asked me to.”  And as far as the “private” gymnastics lessons go – I hardly call laying down a mat next to that soft triangular block for Suri to attempt to somersault down “gymnastics.”  If she’s doing more than that at barely 2 1/2 then good for her, she’s found her escape.  She will probably be able to run away with the circus.  

My warning is to Tom.  If it’s true that Suri has no friends and only a few pre-approved play dates and that the gymnastics studio windows have to blacked out whenever she shows up and that he just spent $7,000 on a private gym that includes two trampolines, a balance beam and a set of bars then he will need this advice: the more you try to control who your kid hangs around with, the faster they will find the freak.  They will befriend the freak and bring the freak into your house and there won’t be a darn thing you can do about it. 

I’m speaking from experience.  My daughter, who is now 13, has finally realized that she keeps picking the same freaky friend (in a different form) over and over and I know it’s because I was such a neurotic mother that I would barely let her out of my sight as a toddler.  So now I’m stuck with her freaky friends who A) are rude and B) turn my kitchen into a science lab and C) break my daughter’s heart.   

Tom, don’t make the same mistake I did.  I’m just lucky that we figured this out when we did and it didn’t turn into her dating the same loser guy over and over and over (though I guess there’s no real guarantee against that either).  Let Suri find her own friends.  I can practically guarantee that they will be a lot less freaky than yours.