We’re Not Friends, We’re Facebook Friends
Posted
October 21, 2008 at
11:58 am by
Rita
I know I’ve written some other things about Facebook on this blog. But, this phenomenon just fascinates me. Our whole techno-culture fascinates me. Like how two teenage girls can sit in the back of my minivan with my nine-year-old daughter between them and send text messages back and forth to each other. My daughter could read the messages…. So why not just talk to each other? A teen friend of ours explained why not, and frankly, while she’s bright and logical and delivered her explanation with a straight face, I still think it’s silly.
I have a Facebook page, and I keep it limited to my Friends. That means that no random passerby or someone who happens to live in the same city as me (and is therefore in my Network) can browse my information. Other people tend not to be so private.
I have also limited my Friends to actual friends, as in people I know. I mentioned in another entry how some of those friends are closer than others. But, the point being I have actually met all of the people that I call Friends on my Facebook page.
I’ve also not sought out Facebook Friendship from some people I know in real life, but would consider it weird to call them a Friend. In other words, I’m taking this Facebook Friendship literally and applying the same standards to it as I would real-world friends. And, apparently, I’m a freak.
It seems the entire goal of Facebook is to get as many Friends as possible, damning all other social rules. This means that people are Friends with folks they’ve never met in the real world and children are Friends with parents of their actual friends. This really creeps me out.
“But, does Q even know P?” I asked my son the other day. “I mean, have they actually met? They don’t go to the same school, they don’t go to the same taekwondo studio and P is four years older than Q.”
“I dunno, mom. Q knows B from school and B knows C from taekwondo and C knows P, so they know all the same people and that’s what matters.”
“Oh,” I said. “But, Q and P have not actually met, as far as you’re aware.”
“No, mom and that’s not the POINT of Facebook!”
“Oh,” I said. But, I still didn’t get it, nor did I like it.
Then my kids got Friendship requests from parents of their friends. I know these parents and I know their kids, and while I’m OK with being Friends with the adults, I cannot bring myself to ever call a fourteen-year-old child a friend or a Friend or whatever. It’s just weird. Maybe I’m stubbornly old-fashioned with this, but when I see that my 45 year-old neighbor is Friends with the 15 year-old skateboard kid down the block, it makes me wonder, So, do they hang out and play X-Box games after school sometimes? Or Did they go see Max Payne together over the weekend and like share a large popcorn? And, the images make me laugh out loud and feel sick to my stomach at the same time.
What will this kind of Friendship do to friendship? Will it change the nature of how we interact with each other, or is it just a reaction to a change in friendship that’s already happened? It’s so superficial and narcissistic, but is it a catalyst or a reflection? I’ve never been one to run in a big circle. I’ve always been more of a believer in a small, tight group. But, is that a thing of the past now? I guess my Status is:
“Rita is confused and concerned about the state of real-life friendship in the world.”
Now, I’m going to shop for Flair to send to my Friends, because I’m sure someone has already put that message on a button, and I can earn some credits.
Tags: facebook, Facebook friends, real-life-friends |
13 Responses to “We’re Not Friends, We’re Facebook Friends”
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1. Hoosierxheart said:
October 21, 2008 @ 3:01 pm
Very interesting Rita!! I don’t think you’re crazy! I actually agree with you on many points. I do have a facebook and I can honestly actually say that I’ve met almost everyone on my friends list at least one time or another. There are a few exceptions….I do have a few adult friends with whom I belong to an organization with. We’ve never actually met face to face, but I’ve gotten to know a few of them as well as possible through something such as facebook.
As for the children of friends….I’m guilty of having some of my friends kids as “facebook friends”. While I don’t necessarily consider them true friends per se, it was able to connect with a few old friends through their children. Plus….It makes for great spying!
2. mully said:
October 21, 2008 @ 5:03 pm
I, too, have a facebook account and I also am “friends” with any number of my daughter and son’s friends, as well as their parents.
Maybe the difference is the age group. My youngest child is 25 and I have known her friends for most of their lives. They no longer call me Mrs. so and so, they refer to me by my first name, which is fine with me and since alot of them have moved away due to career changes, I find this a great way to stay in touch, even if its an occasional “hi, say hello to your mom and dad for me”.
I am also “friends” with a host of much younger nieces and nephews.
Many of whom I have little in common with except the occasional “hi, how are you” but againm it is a great way to stay in touch and I like reading whats going on in their lives so that I can at least keep up with family news that way.
I dont find it odd at all to be “friends” with people from varying ages, in fact, I consider it a compliment that someone half my age would even want me as a friend.
3. honeybee said:
October 21, 2008 @ 5:08 pm
Aw, Rita, I’m honored to be your friend friend.
I agree on the unweildy long Facebook friend lists. I think I need to pare mine down cuz it’s way hard to sift through so many people when I’m trying to get to my Greenpatch buds on the list. LOL 
That said, funnily enough I was JUST trying to find Prescott and Jessica on there. :p
4. Rita said:
October 21, 2008 @ 5:47 pm
I think that these are different situations. First off, you KNOW the kids (you’re related to them) and secondly, it is a different age group.
I’m talking about moms in their 40’s who are Friends with like… a 15 year-old boy who goes to her son’s school. A kid who hasn’t been to their house, doesn’t hang out with their kid in person, and probably just accepted the Friendship request to boost numbers. This seems to be a not unusual scenario, and I find it a little weird to say the least.
I know “kids” (in the 16-18 year range) who I would absolutely feel comfortable having on my Friends list, because I’ve had grown up conversations with them and I know them. But, I’m not seeking out my almost fourteen-year-old son’s friends to add on my Friend list because to me, that feels like seeing a bunch of his friends out and about and then sliding up a chair to the table and saying, “Hey guys! What’s up?” and plopping my ancient ass down to join their conversation. I think that would be rude and it would make them uncomfortable. The other (older) kids I mentioned? I’d feel fine sitting with them at a table. If I had a niece or nephew? Absolutely. I guess that’s my criteria, lol, anyone who I’d feel weird about inviting myself to their group in the real world will not be on my Friends list. Of course, if they invite me, then I’m not going to say no.
5. Cin said:
October 21, 2008 @ 9:05 pm
Maybe they just need to come up with a better term than “friends”. Like on twitter… we don’t call each other friends. We are “followers” and “tweeters” or something similar. AIM has it a little better with “buddies”. I am using my Facebook for reconnecting with old friends AND networking. So that’s it… Facebook needs to change the term to a warmer version of the word, “contacts” but not as warm as “friends”. Somebody suggest that.
6. Rita said:
October 22, 2008 @ 4:29 pm
I do not understand Twitter though. I see Prescott’s Twitter stuff on the side and I signed up and posted a little thing and that seemed to be the end of it. I just don’t seem to get it.
7. Hillary said:
October 23, 2008 @ 7:23 am
I love Twitter! The quick updates appeal to my short attention span!
I haven’t gotten into Facebook and my girls are stil a little young. But I know it’s coming.
I agree though, the 40-year-old with 15-year-old Facebook friends is a little weird.
8. Rita said:
October 23, 2008 @ 9:25 am
And, as far as my other questions, I’m going to the local authority on social boundaries and protocol this weekend. I’ve hinted about my 4th grader having some ahem status in the community, and I have to hint because I can’t spell it out (according to our contract, all public commentary regarding the title has to be approved by the committee beforehand). But, you know how some towns have like a winter princess, or a cornflower princess or whatever? They ride the floats in the parades and make appearances as grand openings and do storytime at the children’s hospital and other community service events? And there’s the teen with the crown and her two princesses and then there’s the junior cornflower or ice daisy or whatever and her two princesses? It’s that kind of thing. My kid’s the junior and she has two princesses. I’m going to the head honcho this weekend about this Facebook stuff though, I’m going to the Big Tiara. Because who would know more about social dynamics than a teenage town princess?
9. Hillary said:
October 23, 2008 @ 10:34 am
I’d love to follow you. My Twitter name is ThreeCs. I get the updates on my computer by going to the Twitter web site. Some people get them on their phone but I’m not that sophisticated.
That is lovely about your 4th grader being the junior cornflower! How nice!
10. Cin said:
October 23, 2008 @ 10:43 am
Cracking up over here. Rita I would love to be in your circle as I too am nearing 40 (in December) with kids. I tried Twitter once on a whim and wasn’t in love. I recently tried again and am hooked.
If I write a blog or article somewhere that I think would fit in with my followers I TWEET it and hope that someone will be interested and become a reader or at least generate a hit.
Likewise others are posting tips and interesting news facts that they find valuable and occasionally I find good stuff there that has value to me and my writing/blogging/real estate/personal/parenting life.
I have also run into some like minded individuals who offer me nothing but a guaranteed giggle.
I am Cinwrites on Twitter. Come find me in case I dont find you!
11. Rita said:
October 23, 2008 @ 10:43 am
It’s an experience, to be sure. And in about ten months, I’ll have a lot to say about the experience–good and bad. We’re just not that kind of family, so this experience is really unique for us.
But, yeah, I’ll go follow you on Twitter. I’m RitaTheBookworm.
12. Jason said:
October 26, 2008 @ 6:18 pm
I agree with you 100%, “friends” should mean just that
13. Rita said:
October 27, 2008 @ 9:37 am