I must admit I have a tendency to confuse the Lohan and Spears families.  They both center around an out-of-control pop tart who ended up driving drunk without her underwear at some point, involve a younger sister that is also being pimped out, and are led by a seemingly clueless mother.  One of the mothers sold the story of the younger daughter’s teenage pregnancy to a tabloid for a million dollars and the other mother put her younger daughter on a reality show to “help” her singing career.  Please don’t ask me which is which.

Is there no one in either the Lohan or Spears extended family that is willing to step up and stop these women?  A simple “Perhaps you shouldn’t take a video crew from Entertainment Tonight the next time you visit your daughter in rehab” would be a start.  They could work their way up to “Is another tell-all memoir really a good idea?” 

Come on, Lynne (or Dina) has raised a daughter so clueless that when she takes her two and three-year old sons out to dinner she takes them to a steak house instead of Chuck E. Cheese.  And not a steak house like Ponderosa where children are expected and high chairs and bibs are ready and waiting and the furniture is vinyl so it can be wiped down easily, but a celebrity chef steak house where other celebrities and naive tourists spend $54 for a steak and $17 on a glass of wine and NO ONE wants to see toddlers flinging their carrots and crying because there are no saltines no matter how big a star their mother is. 

The other one’s daughter has been out of rehab for approximately four minutes and in a stable relationship for five (if you define a relationship that has been denied for as long as it has been going on as stable) and NOW wants to adopt a needy child from a foreign country.  Do I have to point out the irony?  She IS a needy child!

Instead of appearing in those incomprehensible Volkswagen commercials and wearing sleazy outfits on Lipstick Jungle couldn’t Brooke Shields be of more service by offering workshops and support groups for other girls/women whose mothers “managed” them into a career in show biz?  Sure, there was that questionable marriage to Andre Agassi, but Brooke has managed to settle down, land a toothpaste endorsement and a new series, and battle Tom Cruise.  She’s got some knowledge to share.

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