Dr. Sears Will Have My Head on a Stick
Posted
October 8, 2008 at
7:49 pm by
Beth
Taunting - apparently, in my house, it’s the new parenting strategy. This morning over breakfast my older son, now three, was refusing to feed himself. Again. A habit he picked up after his younger brother was born and which I expected to occur. In preparation for the baby’s birth I did as much research as I could about what I’d see from my older child once a sibling was introduced and about how to ease that transition as best I could. So I knew all about the whole regression thing. I was prepared for it on all fronts, because I was a good parent like that. You know, one who did research and knew every little thing.
But now, fourteen months later (yes, the baby is now fourteen months old and we are still dealing with the blasted regression) at 7:00am, my preparation is out the window, along with my patience, as my preschooler demands with shrieks, tears, and orders that I feed him his oatmeal. The result was not one of my more stellar parenting moments.
“Are we pretending you’re a baby this morning? Because Robby is able to feed himself and is eating his breakfast on his own, and he’s only one. Are you even younger than Robby?”
And then I pause, waiting for my husband to give me the settle-down-you’ve-gone-over-the-edge face, because I know as soon as the words are out of my mouth that I have crossed the line. But instead, he chimes in with, “Robby, you’re such a big boy! Look at you feeding yourself all on your own. Are you bigger than Sam?”
At which point, of course, Sam begins to yell that he’s bigger than Robby over and over again. And my husband looks at him and says, “Prove it.”
Ah, yes, parenting at its best. Perhaps we should tape signs to his back, or shoot spitballs in his hair. You can just see both of us out on a playground teasing younger, weaker children, can’t you? Except that neither of us was ever like that. We’re good people. We are. But this parenting thing, in so many ways it has brought out the worst in us (and, of course, the best, but that’s a different post).
If there’s anything I’ve learned since becoming a mom it is that we’re none of us perfect. I’ve worked hard to let go of the judgmental attitude I once held toward other parents who I would see behaving badly, telling myself that I’d never be that way, even when my kids were older. And when I say I’ve “worked hard” to let go of that attitude, I mean I screwed up over and over again causing me to look at myself from an observer’s standpoint and say, “Holy crap - I’m totally that mom.” My judgmental phase occurred when I was either childless, pregnant, or in the very beginning of parenthood, a newbie, if you will.
But now I know. Lordy, I do. Now I know that sometimes it is 7:00am and the coffee is still brewing and no one has even showered yet and we are on our first meal of the freaking day and the night was so bad that this might as well just be a continuation of yesterday because certainly the present tantrum has not let up for twelve hours since dinner last night and my kid has been screaming non-stop since he woke up and well, sometimes, I’m just not perfect. Sometimes I do shit I regret, like comparing my kid to his younger brother in order to get him to eat a bite of oatmeal. But it’s only because I want the kid to eat a bite of oatmeal! I just want him to live! I want him to thrive! Like all of you, I just want the best for my child.
I was hesitant to write this post, especially as my first one here at The Imperfect Parent, because I know you guys don’t know me; this example is all you have to go on, and perhaps it will not be received well. Then I realized, there’s nothing you can say about my behavior I haven’t already said to myself in my own personal self-flagellation throughout the course of the day. We’re none of us perfect parents, that’s for sure, but man we really know how to let ourselves have it when we stray, don’t we? Oh, and for the record: I totally fed my son his oatmeal out of guilt for what I had just done. How many mess-ups in one morning is that?
Hi, I’m Beth. I’m an imperfect parent, and I’m new here, at The Imperfect Parent. My “beat,” as it were, is “Parenting Issues.” How’s that for blog fodder? Since becoming a mom, I might say that everything qualifies as an issue of parenting. Everything relates, somehow, to what I am doing with my children and how I am doing with my children, because it seems that’s all I do. So let’s have at it.
Until my next utter failure . . .
Tags: bad-parenting, Dr. Sears, Parenting, sibling competition, tantrums, taunting |
20 Responses to “Dr. Sears Will Have My Head on a Stick”
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1. amy said:
October 8, 2008 @ 9:36 pm
I needed this post today. I had a rough morning getting the kids out of the house and while the kids were just acting their respective ages, I was NOT acting like an adult. I resorted to name-calling, labeling them “naughty.” Nice. I spent the next few hours wondering how parenthood turned me from a really nice, decent, thoughtful and compassionate human being into a maniac.
2. Jane said:
October 8, 2008 @ 11:03 pm
Great!
3. Jenn said:
October 8, 2008 @ 11:46 pm
At least he ate the oatmeal!
Jenn
4. Dcan said:
October 9, 2008 @ 2:21 am
I hate mornings! I was just reading this while eating breakfast and facing that time of day when I often find myself prodding, threatening, bribing, sometimes yelling and yes teasing my offspring to get them out the door to school on time. I need to keep up with the night time prep.
5. Mama D said:
October 9, 2008 @ 8:17 am
Hmm… I have often told my older daughter that she cries more than the baby and “Babies cry a lot”. I guess this falls into the same category. Maybe I’ve fallen over the edge but I’ve just accepted that sometimes that stuff comes out of our mouths. I’m proud to zip it on the cursing front at least.
6. Jessica said:
October 9, 2008 @ 9:09 am
Well, if that makes you an “imperfect parent”, then I must be the hell spawn of satan because I didn’t even get what the problem was until you pointed it out.
7. Katia / Crazy For Trying said:
October 9, 2008 @ 11:01 am
Hi Beth — good post. I think our houses are clones (except for the gender — me with two girls) of each other because I too have to feed my 3.y.o. her oatmeal while her 14 mo.-old sister is happily feeding herself.
Getting the kids out of the house in the morning on time is a challenge. I usually spend the first hour of my work day at my desk beating myself up about how awful a parent I am.
8. Mozi Esme's Mommy said:
October 9, 2008 @ 3:59 pm
I can certainly relate! And it’s all for the kids’ sake . . .
9. Gina said:
October 9, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
Thank you for this post! Way to go on your first one here! You really are a great writer! I love hearing your stories. Thanks for helping me feel human… I feel like a yelling monster most of the time.
My fave quote in here was, “There’s nothing you can say about my behavior I haven’t already said to myself in my own personal self-flagellation throughout the course of the day.”
10. kate said:
October 9, 2008 @ 6:41 pm
you know, parenting, i think, changes us and challenges us more than anything ever could. it shows you who you are and exposes your weaknesses. and we all have them. and our kids know how to press our buttons for sure!
11. Stacey S_MOD said:
October 9, 2008 @ 9:52 pm
Sarcasm is how I was able to cope with parenting. When my son was little it went right over his head, but it somehow made me feel a little less stressed….I guess you could say it was my coping mechanism.
Now my son is now 16 and not only does he get my sarcasm…he catches it & throws it right back. If he complains too much about his “rotten childhood” I tell him to write it in a journal & he can have it published into a memoire & make hundreds of thousands of dollars so he can afford to put me in a substandard nursing home. Then I can scream & cry for somebody to feed me my oatmeal!
12. sari said:
October 9, 2008 @ 10:21 pm
I laugh, only because I completely relate!
13. Allison G-MOD said:
October 9, 2008 @ 10:22 pm
HAHAHA! I love it!
Aww, Beth. I feel for you. Nothing compares to the guilt you feel after a you’ve made a ‘bad call’ in parenting.
I have enough of those experiences to write a book, but I fear it would be used as incriminating evidence one day.
14. Reneca said:
October 11, 2008 @ 6:01 pm
Oh, the things our children put us through. Great post!
15. Shannon said:
October 13, 2008 @ 7:54 pm
Awesome post Beth!
16. Kymberly said:
October 23, 2008 @ 1:25 pm
Excellence in action!
I say if you don’t have some moments your children can recall while drinking years later, you have failed as a parent. Utterly failed.
I still love to recall, in vivid detail, the like THREE suspect choices my mother made my entire childhood - while valiantly ignoring the many years of good parenting. It’s more fun that way!
17. Rita said:
October 24, 2008 @ 10:04 am
LMAO, Jess, I still don’t get it.
My three-year-old won’t eat her oatmeal? I figure she must not be hungry and I take it away.
I think that your only “imperfection” is that you’re being waaaay too hard on yourself and expecting waaaaay too much.
This line:
That tells me you need to seriously back off of this and take a breath and get some perspective on it. That amount of hovering and obsessing is going to do you in AND it’s not good for your kids. Really, so there are fits and he wouldn’t eat his oatmeal. Skipping or delaying a breakfast isn’t going to put him behind any.
18. Beth said:
October 24, 2008 @ 12:59 pm
I think there’s a lot to be said for us parents who have doctors pressuring us as well. While it seems like it should be easy to let a bowl of oatmeal slide, it’s actually quite hard when you have a few years of doctors’ comments built up, telling you your child is underweight. Even when we know that everything is ok with our child and charts are just charts, I think it still adds stress and makes the whole eating thing more of an issue than it should be. Which is ultimately why the kid doesn’t want to eat his oatmeal in the first place:)
19. Allison G-MOD said:
October 24, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
When my first kid was just a precious wittle pooky, I made the mistake most parents make. “Ooh, sweetie. You don’t want to eat that? Well let’s see, I can make you chicken nuggets instead. You don’t want veggies either? Well, I have Goldfish crackers. There you go sweetheart.” (kiss)
Fast-forward 2 years and the little shit was the pickiest kid I ever saw. So I ask the pediatrician (who never even had kids!) what I should do to get him to eat other things (big mistake), and her staright-up response was “Well, you just make him eat it. Just put all of the foods on his plate, and if he wants more nuggets, then he’ll just have to eat the mashed potatoes and veggies first.”
Holy Shit! That is an answer only a person without kids would come up with. “make him eat it”. Well why didn’t I think of that? Ass!
Fast-forward another 5 years and 2 little sisters later, and I feel like I’m now a pro. “Oh sweetie. You don’t want to eat lasagna? Well, there’s always breakfast, I guess. Bye!”
If they don’t want to eat the food I put on the table, they can just skip dinner and eat breakfast in the morning. They’re not going to die of starvation overnight.
20. Morgan said:
November 9, 2008 @ 3:46 pm
Just discovered your blog today. I too have often felt like the ‘bad parent’ I used to judge…nothing more humbling than parenting I think! I have had to let go of a lot of food stuff with my 13 month old who still barely eats a thing. Reading ‘Your Child Won’t Eat’ was very reassuring. But none of this helps on a bad day, I know.