You know how in all the old sitcoms, there was the obnoxious pre-schooler, the cutely dressed precocious one who was barely out of diapers, but could proclaim age inappropriate slang with perfect diction?  I have one of those kids.

 My three-year-old is being partially raised by her older siblings.  Sometimes this results in tear-jerking adorableness, Mommy, I fell and hurt my solar plexus.  (the older two are very into martial arts)  And, sometimes it results in public humiliation, Don’t make me snap my fingers in a Z-formation, hip rotation, exclamation, talk to the hand, talk to the fist, don’t talk back ‘cause you just got dissed.

Yeah.  That happened the other night, at Wendy’s.  All right, so anyone eating at Wendy’s should already be somewhat embarrassed, I guess (and no, she didn’t have the kids’ meal with the mandarin oranges and chocolate milk, it was fries and pop for her).  But, what to do?  I have started punishing the older two whenever they teach her anything inappropriate, but the child will not let go of the “Z-formation” rhyme, as she calls it.  I’ve tried snazzing up some of the old favorites by saying them kind of snotty and adding little hand movements, but somehow, no matter how you present it, she knows that Three Blind Mice is an appropriate rhyme (And why is that?  Why?  They get their tails cut off for Heaven’s sake!) so it’s just not as fun.  Same goes for everything else Mother Goose has to offer.  

The best I’ve been able to do is tell her that if she must say the rhyme, she can do it privately in her room or the bathroom when nobody else is around.  So, basically, it’s the masturbation speech.  What else to do?

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