Two nights ago, my husband, son and I are met some friends at a local park to watch fireworks. Initially, I was concerned because the show didn’t start until around 9:30pm, which is just a touch past my son’s 8pm bedtime. And once we’ve blown that time out of the water, it’s a crapshoot as to whether we’ll get Son: Demon Spawn or Son: Ball of Smiling Cuteness.

On the bright side, my son did really, really well. The not-so-great side is once we got past the concern of Mommy and Daddy having to leave all the good beer and fireworks and friends behind because Son is melting down, we experienced a far greater concern: Other People.

I’m not talking about the nice families who came to see the fireworks, or the lovey couples together or any other “normal” people.

No. I’m talking about the people who viewed the fourth of july as a time to break out their shiniest wife-beater, dust off the old forty and proceeded to grope each other under the thin façade of a cotton blanket. The sad part is, this isn’t an anomaly because I’ve seen this every year. Every single year I’ve attended fireworks, there’s at least one group of people who feel as though fourth of july is a fantastic time for sexual activity in public.

Usually, my husband and I point and laugh, however it was much more difficult with our son there, seeing as how he stays in one place for like .05 seconds and the last thing I wanted him to do was crawl over to Joe and Betty while they were bumping crotches and pick up a stray condom or cigarette butt. And it was a little too early in his life for a sex education talk, so we distracted him by buying a glow stick necklace.

Then, the woman next to us pulled her mouth away from her boyfriend/husband/hired male escort’s ear long enough to let me know I really shouldn’t be allowing my child to suck on a glow stick. So many things I could’ve said to her, each more fitting than the next, but I figured my son had been exposed to enough filth and profanity, so I simply thanked her for her concern.

But? Next year? Lady with the dragon tattoo? It’s ON, bitch. Consider yourself on notice.

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