I was at the checkout lane magazine rack, too cheap to buy, yet eager to learn how Angelina Jolie is going to balance celebrity, saving the world, motherhood and photo ops.
I was about to flip open an issue to catch up on our generation’s answer to Mother Teresa, when I noticed the cover of a competing publication — “balancing career, family and you.”

New theme. Then, in a true “mob mentality,” a third cover called to me, singing the siren song of promise to “balance work and home life.” That’s when it hit me: Balance is the new “in” thing. Like ”basic black.” Balance, my friends, goes with everything!

Want it all. All appearances to the contrary, I want to live a balanced life. I do. I want to make the world a better place for animals, children, and people who are woefully unable to merge into traffic properly.

I want to find my passion, run barefoot through meadows, dance in the rain (a warm rain — cold water makes me cranky), fly kites and cure something.

I do want to earn oodles of money working, say, four hours a week from home in my spare time. Take exotic trips to far flung nations in order to bring the plight of the oppressed to the forefront of the media - and have my picture taken.

Most importantly, I want to do all this, yet never be too busy for valiant service as head homeroom mom.

I’d be all over it, I swear, if I could just get a handle on all this laundry piling up.

Pushy. The trouble with balance is that it’s so … pushy. Balance seems to require you to ADD things to your life.

Say, time to curl up with a cup of hot tea and a good book or get a massage to “renew your spirits.”

I don’t know what your Dayrunner looks like, but the last thing mine could accommodate would be an hour for a massage. The tea? Maybe, but I’d need a “to go” cup.

Hurdle. The big hurdle with balance is that it appears to require us to slow down. It’s no longer enough to do it all, be it all, or have it all, you have to be relaxed at the same time.

I’m sorry but I don’t think I do relaxed. I am addicted to busy.

If I should somehow manage to achieve this balance everyone is nattering on about, I might have more free time.

Ergo, if it turns out I’m not as busy as I’ve been claiming (and the whole “I’m too busy” thing is clearly the only ironclad excuse for not doing MORE with your life) then I’d have to start writing a novel (as everyone assumes that every writer is doing already).

Worse, I might have to cook from scratch and decorate my house — maybe grow something. It’s terrifying.

I think I will invent my own balance. Actually, I think I already did. My balance isn’t about having (and juggling) it all, but rather, about knowing when to drop something.

It’s about sometimes making dinner from scratch, and sometimes making reservations.

Sometimes being the perfect mom, if only for those rare moments that such feats are required, and sometimes saying, “Bloody nose? Well, that’s why your shirt is red, wipe with that!”

Priorities. Balance is all about priorities. Always making the deadline, and sometimes making plans with friends. Sometimes making the meeting, and always making the soccer game, story time and the third-grade play.

Most importantly, it’s about making time for what matters most to you, not what looks most impressive on a resume or in light cocktail conversation.

In the end, I don’t believe balance is about homemade, home grown, pure perfection or having it all or nothing.

At the end of the day I don’t think balance is either/or — it’s “and.”

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