The marrying age
Posted
June 25, 2008 at
7:50 pm by
Allison J
The other day I was talking with a neighbor about her daughter’s upcoming wedding. She seemed a little disinterested in the whole affair, not at all excited or hopeful. I myself love weddings, and had a beautiful one almost two years ago. My mother, aunts, and friends were all giddy about the planning and execution. I offered a few probing questions and learned that her daughter is 20, her fiancé 21, and both are still in college. According to her mother, those factors total up to a big disaster.
When I married at 24 I thought of myself as a young bride. I had finished my undergraduate studies and was about to embark on grad school. I had never lived outside of my parents house, was still working as an intern, and was about to have a husband, new home, and dog. I suddenly felt like an eight year old playing “house.”
Two years later (on July1) and I’m still happily married. Our house is slowly being renovated, grad school is done, my hubby and I still like each other, and I’m totally understanding that whole “money doesn’t grow on trees” phrase. But everyday brings something new — new challenges, worries, plans and surprises.
Then I started thinking about my neighbor’s daughter and fiancé. I do believe in love at first sight (upon meeting my now husband I proclaimed to my best friend that I was going to marry him), but is 20 old enough to enter into marriage? There is a surplus of stories of couples who met and married young, and 20 years later are going strong. But is that a realistic reality today? Are kids being blinded by media images and fairy tales? Are kids growing up too fast? Is divorce as an easy way out common thought before settling down? Is this young couple doomed to fail? I certainly hope not.
I think that a successful marriage is one in which both people grow together. While it might not always be at the same pace or in the same direction, both must be committed to helping each other and making a conscious effort to share the other’s like/dislikes. There is just so much growing, so many experiences to have at the age of 20 and 21. For many people that is the time of late nights, dating, and little responsibility.
My best friend, who is celebrating her first wedding anniversary next month, said something to me the other day that kind of caught me off guard. “Marriage is hard. It’s hard EVERYDAY.” Mind you she had a couple drinks and is just coming off of the first very trying year, but if it’s that difficult for her at 26, how will this 20 year old fair?
So let the discussion begin — is 20 too young to get married? Is there some minimum age requirement that should be reached before getting hitched? Or are some just destined for happily ever after (with dedication, compromise, and good old fashion love)?
Tags: marriage, marrying-young, too-young-to-get-married, young-couples |
33 Responses to “The marrying age”
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31. SHS said:
June 26, 2008 @ 9:31 pm
What does “meant to be” mean?…I have always wondered about that statement…can anyone help me get it? I don’t think it is about destiny…I don’t think I really believe in that.
I also think there is more than one right person for you in this world…there are probably many…
32. Rita said:
June 27, 2008 @ 11:05 am
[quote comment="173974"]What does “meant to be” mean?…I have always wondered about that statement…can anyone help me get it? I don’t think it is about destiny…I don’t think I really believe in that.
I also think there is more than one right person for you in this world…there are probably many…[/quote]
I don’t buy into the idea that there’s only one person for each of us in the world, either.
But, the “meant to be” could be based on a lot of personality characteristics, or biochemistry clicking, or whatever, rather than just a matching due to fate or destiny, KWIM?
My dh and I were “meant to be” together, because our histories, with our particular neuroses and strengths work well TOGETHER rather than against each other, you know? I could totally see me with another emotionally strong, capable, neurotic, guy but have it go against my grain instead of with it, causing us to fight all the time instead of having a (kind of easy) give and take.
It doesn’t mean there isn’t a ton of work involved, learning how to make it work. But, it’s been possible. I think some people, they way they’re wired, it’s just IMPOSSIBLE for them to get along with some other people. Just the whole history, chemistry, personality thing is just off kilter enough that it could never, ever work.
33. Rita said:
June 27, 2008 @ 11:12 am
[quote comment="173937"][quote comment="173933"]it’s like an easy trade-in, like leasing a car? People didn’t lease a car years ago. You bought it and fixed it until it couldn’t be fixed anymore and died. That doesn’t happen today.[/quote]
What a great analogy! We do live in a throw-away society.[/quote]
Eh, but see, years ago people bought cars and drove them for 5 years and then traded them in for a better model.
I don’t think that this disposable aspect of our lifestyle is anything particularly new. I think people were really getting into the disposables as soon as they could–so as early as the 50’s, and the 70’s were all over disposable EVERYTHING.
I am just not one to buy into the whole THE WORLD IS GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET craze. I don’t think that “kids today” are any less committed or loyal to love and marriage than kids in the past. I think that divorce is easier to get than it’s ever been and that’s a good thing. People may abuse it, but wow, I’d hate to go back to a time when divorce was nearly impossible go get and women were shunned afterwards. Just because people stayed married to each other doesn’t mean the marriage was always something to celebrate!
I do think that the media does a piss-poor job of showing what real marriages are like. Usually the story ends with the wedding and we don’t get to see the relationship as it is ten years later (except as the sexless parents through the kid’s eyes). But, as with anything that we pass on to our kids, we lead by example. Our kids will see what good, strong marriages are by watching us. As a result, I’m pretty confident that my kids will have a pretty good idea of what they should aim for in a marriage and not treat it as something they throw away on a whim.