Are All Overactive Baby Chutes This Cheery?
Posted
June 18, 2008 at
1:19 pm by
Kadi
Why does it seem like every mother of a large brood, with the exception of me, is in denial? I’ve yet to hear one of these mothers come right out and say, “Fuck you, uterus, or damn you, Ortho Novum! You both royally screwed me too many times!” Why do these large quivered mamas feel compelled to only say sickeningly sweet things about the fact that they are a walking fetus factory? Just once, I’d like to hear one echo my sentiment that it sucks to be helpless against repeated, ill timed pregnancy. What are they so afraid of? Do they fear being called a bad mom? It is a reality that not every child of a large family was a planned baby. Trust me. Seven of mine were “Oh shitballs” moments. Yes, all seven. You can choose to argue with me on that, if you want, but it is the honest to goodness truth. I tried, like a son of a gun, to stop. When I realized that stopping was not an option, I decided to settle for spacing them out. Nope, it obviously wasn’t going to happen.
Our first baby was the result of a total drunken moment of passion. So, I’ll take responsibility and admit that we were just idiots. Marlie is proof that even stupid moments can yield wonderful results. After our first, I converted to Catholicism and agreed to use NFP. Unfortunately, Natural Family Planning is a two person effort and only one of us was really doing it. Voila, baby number two, Daniel Jr.! Then came the “pull out” method. Uh…that does not work for a man who pre ejaculates. Sorry for the over abundance of information, but it is true. We call that lesson, Trenton. He is a cute little accident! Next came the nursing pill. I was pregnant the month after starting that, with Phillip. Condoms? They break and I have a two legged, sass mouthed, four year old Aiden to prove it. Those female condoms and that foamy spermicidal stuff are both jokes. Maybe God knew that I needed the fireball that is Ella. Even an IUD was no match for my body’s mission to pop out a record breaking amount of babies. My uterus spat out that little plastic and copper device, like a child rejects brussel sprouts. Unfortunately it spat that sucker straight through my uterine wall and into my rectum….but that is another story. Luckily, the end result was a healthy little Reed. My point is, birth control doesn’t work unless your body allows it to. My body would not allow anything we tried to interfere with its procreative recreation. Finally, my husband went in for the big V, much to his resistance.
Do I regret my kids being born? No. At least, not 98% of the time. There are those days, however, when I’d like to jump ship. Who doesn’t have those? Am I thrilled that I was unable to stop my baby factory of a body? Hell no! I did not enjoy the shitty side effects of seven back to back pregnancies. I was relieved to return to an ungestating state and cried when it ended in yet another pregnancy. Call me selfish. Call me a bad mother. At least I have balls to say it. (I’m seriously looking into that possibility, since sometimes I ended up pregnant when we didn’t even have sex during ovulation!) I wish that more fertile Myrtles would stand up and admit to being pissed when the little pregnancy stick turned up with two pink lines. I want to know that someone else threw that test at their husband and threatened to cut off his balls if he did not go get a vasectomy. It is okay to love your children and simultaneously curse the fact that your uterus failed to respect your wishes or that birth control was useless in giving you a rest. I say it and I’m still a good mom…or at least a mediocre one! Call my kids frustrating accidents or call them joyous blessings, I say they are both and I sure wish more moms in my boat, would verbally agree.
Tags: admissions, babies, birth-control, Family, fertility, post-partum, pregnancy, unplanned-pregnancy |
18 Responses to “Are All Overactive Baby Chutes This Cheery?”
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1. Redsy said:
June 18, 2008 @ 6:51 pm
Love this! People don’t want to admit they didn’t plan their pregnancies.. but I’ll admit that all 3 of my children were unplanned.
Thought-provoking piece. Thank you.
Rachael
2. Rita said:
June 18, 2008 @ 7:15 pm
I’m sorry, I’m not listening to this. I need to believe in birth control. So, I’m putting my head in the sand and pretending that this post never existed.
3. SHS said:
June 18, 2008 @ 7:22 pm
Love your honesty! You are a brave woman, to say the least. I guess you were meant to have alot of children! I can only imagine the horror that went along with a perforated rectum! Sorry about that!
4. Maureen said:
June 18, 2008 @ 10:23 pm
OK, this freaks me out.
I swear, if I had even two back-to-back pregnancies, there wouldn’t be enough wine, candles, flowers, begging in the world to allow my husband to touch me for, like, years.
5. Grandma frm Ks. said:
June 19, 2008 @ 12:03 am
Love your post Kadi, I’m a grand ma , but I will agree with you, Frustrating accidents and Joyous Blessings, Yes Mam, But as I said wait til your grand ma, it’s pay back time LOL
6. Kayris said:
June 19, 2008 @ 11:56 am
When one of my H’s cousins got pregnant unexpectedly (she was in her twenties and unmarried), people freaked. Because, even though this is 2008, if you get pregnant and didn’t mean to, you are either stupid, slutty or both. The only thing that made her different from me was that she got pregnant and I didn’t.
My second was unplanned. People get all weird and nervous when I mentioned it.
And in the midst of a planned pregnancy that left me vomiting four times a day and unable to walk from searing sciatica, I did curse my uterus.
7. Erika said:
June 19, 2008 @ 2:09 pm
#1: Birth control pills plus spermicidal foam= FAIL. Baby.
#2: I hadn’t gotten my period back yet after #1(”lactational amennohrea” my foot), we had a single condom malfunction. Baby.
#3: (Look away, Rita!!!) My Mirena was firmly in place. Didn’t make so much of a difference. We actually have an ultrasound pic of the iud w/ the sac right next to it.
My husband his vasectomy last year, and if that fails at any point, well, I will post an update from a mental institution somewhere.
Great, great post.
8. Allison G. said:
June 19, 2008 @ 5:54 pm
Dh got the V and it’s worked for us. I told him if it failed we were getting “Ozzie and Harriet Beds” or he could live in our son’s bunk bed.
But we had a friend who got a V but didn’t wait until “magic 14″ to clear out his ducts and they got pregnant. They ended up building on an addition to their house! Talk about a little “Oops”.
9. Allison G. said:
June 19, 2008 @ 5:57 pm
Sorry, I should add that DH got the Vas AFTER our 3rd child (camping oopsie) was born. His friends at the Fire Dept called us everything from “Fetus Factory” to “Mormons in Training”.
I told him I wanted to set my Fallopian Tubes on fire!
10. SHS said:
June 19, 2008 @ 9:37 pm
Kadi,
I was wondering how you view Kate Gosselin’s woes to your own. I realize there are many differences, but do you think people should give her a break or not…if you don’t feel like commenting, no problem!
11. momof3 said:
June 19, 2008 @ 9:57 pm
You ladies are hilarious!!! LMAO!!!
I have to admit that I wasnt very happy when I found out that I was pg the third time around. I had just lost all of the baby weight that I had gained with my first two and only looked good for about 3 months or so before that darn stick turned pink! It took me about 3 months to accept the fact that I was going to have another baby. But now that she is here (shes 15 mo old) I wouldnt change a thing!
Kadi, good to know that the IUDs dont work I was actually thinking about getting one put in. Youre so funny!
I would love to have more kids but not right now! Ive always wanted 10-12 but since I had my first I think I’ll stick with 4 and be done! lol
12. Kayt said:
June 20, 2008 @ 11:13 am
I’m pregnant with my first, who managed to ignore my Nuva Ring and settle right in. People do act like I’m incredibly stupid. I’m only 21, but my fiance and I had been engaged for eight months, were planning our wedding, and had bought a house. It’s not like I didn’t know who the father was or something!
I will be trying an IUD and see how that goes after this baby. I really really hope my body doesn’t take after yours! I can’t handle seven kids in a row.
13. Kat said:
June 23, 2008 @ 10:37 am
“Call my kids frustrating accidents or call them joyous blessings, I say they are both and I sure wish more moms in my boat, would verbally agree.”
But, honestly what if we DON’T feel that way?
Sure, I have days where I get frustrated, where I wonder fleetingly what my life would be like if I had been a good little woman and sent my DH for a vasectomy after we had our “perfect” one boy and one girl family. There would have been no social stigma to having done so, and even the doctor I saw during my first pregnancy, upon hearing my second child was a girl commented “Oh good, now they can stop.” But I never WANTED to stop at two, as long as I can remember I wanted at LEAST four, whether I added them to my family by birthing them, or by adopting them, somehow I would be a mother to four or more children!
I will freely admit when the stick turned pink for a third time when my second child was just 5 months old I got in the shower and had a good cry, feeling overwhelmed. But I can’t imagine life without my amazing 3rd child, even if she came along sooner than I expected. My 4th child was a charting “oops” (user failure all the way) but I wasn’t upset or surprised really. He’s just like his daddy and makes us laugh so hard, sometimes intentionally, sometimes just from the off-the-wall quality of his observations about life.
Our fifth child’s conception couldn’t have come at a worse time, DH was let go from his job that same week… but got another two weeks later. Then he was laid off two weeks before I was due to give birth.
Our son died at 3 days old from complications during his birth. I’d have given anything to still have him here, and he taught me never to take anything for granted. I can’t bring myself to curse my uterus, or my fertility. They brought me my “rainbow baby” and restored a ray of hope and joy to a heart seared with pain and grief. She’s the pride and joy of her siblings, and the light of her parents’ lives.
I may be “done” with having babies, I guess we’ll find out if barrier methods can work for us (two years so far…) but if the stick turns pink again, I won’t be crying. I’ll be scared, sure, but only because I don’t think my heart could take it if I lost another one. The only other choice for me would be to try not to “get attached” until the baby is home safe, but I can’t. It’s not how I’m made. If I could be sure a baby conceived tomorrow would come home safely with me in 9 months, I would go for it, no questions asked.
I am sure there are other women who feel as you do, but I don’t think it’s fair to accuse other mothers of large families of faking it. At least in my case, I know I really truly don’t curse my fertility, or wish things were different at all. It doesn’t make your feelings any less valid that I can’t say I share them. I wish you all the best with your family.
14. Kadi said:
June 23, 2008 @ 11:52 am
You are a sweet woman! Yet, you just admitted to feeling overwhelemd when finding out about your third child. Which supports my theory that mothers of large familes all have those moments when they feel like God’s plan was not really your plan. That was the point of my post. You may love your kids and be so glad that they exsist, but it is also okay to admit to having those less than joyful feelings about being pregnant. Maybe you didn’t curse your uterus, but you still felt that feeling of being overwhelmed. That is really all I was trying to convey. I’m not accusing them of faking anything. I’m just suggesting that they do not admit to the negative feelings that we all (including you) encounter at times. Hugs to you for sharing!
15. Grandma frm Ks. said:
June 23, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
Kadi, I as a mom & grandmother, would tell you I would not take all the money in the world for any of my kids/grand kids, but I would not give a nickel for another one, LOL. when I found out we were having 3 grand babies with in 6 weeks of each other, I said “Oh my Lord” my Dh husband said “Honey God said he would Bless our seed” and yes he said that, as he said he would’nt put more on us than we can bear, Kadi I love your writings, And I know God is blessing your family it is very clear in your stories, I still feel over whelmed at times, can you imagine 5 grown kids/spouces, 14 grand kids, at Christmas time? Yeah I start buying right after Christmas just to be ready, so over whelmed yes, love it ? Yes indeed, wouldn’nt change it for nothing, And God keeps on blessing us. Blessings to you and yours.
16. gary said:
June 24, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
you all have such good perspectives on this subject. if only they had your wisdom on that new show Baby Borrowers. those teens have no idea what they are doing with the other parents’ kids. please help them
17. Tif said:
June 26, 2008 @ 11:40 am
This is totally off topic from the original post and I apologize for that, but I feel a tad bit of a window opening here for a tough search I’ve been on….
My DH also had a vasectomy 4 months ago but he has a major complaint….it still hurts…he states “so much so, that it almost takes the enjoyment out of it”. Is this possible??? He is also one of those men that is on his death bed with the common cold, so I am unsure as to what “hurts” really means. At the mere suggestion of seeking medical help, he is resistant because of embarassment.
Please do tell…have any of your “V” husbands ever experienced this ‘hurt’ that long after the procedure? It seems to hurt where the clips are…
Kadi, I love your OP, btw….you crack me up!!
18. Allison G. said:
June 26, 2008 @ 11:58 am
[quote comment="173820"]This is totally off topic from the original post and I apologize for that, but I feel a tad bit of a window opening here for a tough search I’ve been on….
My DH also had a vasectomy 4 months ago but he has a major complaint….it still hurts…he states “so much so, that it almost takes the enjoyment out of it”. Is this possible??? He is also one of those men that is on his death bed with the common cold, so I am unsure as to what “hurts” really means. At the mere suggestion of seeking medical help, he is resistant because of embarassment.
Please do tell…have any of your “V” husbands ever experienced this ‘hurt’ that long after the procedure? It seems to hurt where the clips are…
Kadi, I love your OP, btw….you crack me up!![/quote]
No pain with my Dh’s Vas. Good luck in finding help.