Read, Dammit
Posted
June 8, 2008 at
10:18 am by
Rita
My three-year old and I were in the kids’ section of the library the other day. It’s one of our favorite hangouts. There’s a nice little nook by a big picture window that they have furnished with overstuffed chairs, couches and rockers to sit on while you read. They also have the walls carpeted so that felt letters and shapes will cling to them (bins of felt are available for perusal), a magnetic board to put letters and shapes on, and some other toys. My little one loves to play there.
That’s what she was doing the other day, just playing in the kids’ section while I sat on a couch, reading and watching her enjoy herself. Across from us, there was another mother and her daughter. The daughter looked to be just a little older than mine—so, maybe about 4, or at the tops, 5. This child was reading a Step 3 Reader out loud to her mother. She was doing a remarkable job with it, too. I was impressed at first.
“No, you said that word wrong, that’s pronounced like this–,” the mother would say. “Go back and read that sentence again.” And, the child did as she was told.
“’She said,’ you left out the part there where it says, ‘she said,’ go back and read that part again.” And, the child did as she was told.
The child would turn the page and be delighted with the picture, she’d get excited saying, “Oh, mommy, what’s happening there? That looks like the dog is wearing a coat!” And laugh.
“Well, read the story and it will tell you what’s going on. I don’t know what’s going to happen, we have to read it to find out.” And, the child would plod along with perfect diction over the words.
Every couple pages, the mother would stop the reading and have the child tell her the summary of the plot so far. The child didn’t have a clue. She was always surprised at this question, because she hadn’t retained any of the story. The mother would coax her along reminding her of the plot and then asking if the child remembered.
“So, the boy misses his grandfather, remember? And his mother feels bad, so she got him that puppy, remember? Now the puppy is getting into all kinds of trouble, right?” And the child would nod with a kind of vacant and confused look in her eye.
After about ten minutes of this, the child said she didn’t want to read anymore, that she wanted to play. She hopped off the couch and ran over to my daughter to play with magnetic letters on the board. The mother literally scowled at her.
“Hey, you know, I really want to find out how this book ends,” She’d say.
“I’m really on the edge of my seat here, wondering what’s going to happen next, won’t you please come and read the book to me?” She’d say.
“Oh, I wish I knew what is going to happen with that boy and the puppy…I wish someone would come and read this to me,” she’d say.
The child buckled after about a minute and climbed back up on the couch and continued the tedious task of reading the horribly forgettable book about the puppy and the boy who missed his grandfather.
Why do people do this to their kids? I don’t understand what the purpose is in having your 4 or 5 year-old child able to read. Is it a bragging thing? Do they push their kids like this just so they can say their kid is so advanced? Is it that they believe they’re doing the kid a favor, giving her an edge in some way?
What would this mother say about the same scene, if she were asked, would she say, “Yes, I take my kid to the library and coerce her to read books way beyond what’s the developmental norm for her age. I discourage her from using her imagination to predict the storylines through the illustrations. I demand that she read every word and pronounce each one perfectly. Then I quiz her on plot summaries as we go, and I’ll feed her the answers if she doesn’t know, because comprehension is just as important as being able to sound out the words.” Is that what she’d say? Because that’s what I saw.
Or, would she say that this whole reading endeavor is child initiated, and that she doesn’t force the issue, she just follows her daughter’s cues, because her daughter wants to read? Somehow I guess that it would be the second, because I haven’t yet met anyone who admits to the first. And, if that’s the case, then is that just her delusion—does she really not see that she’s being manipulative and domineering? Or does she realize she’s doing it, but knows the whole thing is wrong, so she lies about it?
I don’t doubt that there are kids who are eager to read or perform and that their parents are just giving them direction on the child-driven course. But, that isn’t what I saw happening at the library.
I really don’t understand the drive behind scenes like the one I described. I see things like that with alarming frequency in my area. This aggressive push-push-push at such young ages, and it doesn’t let up, it keeps going for so many of these kids. I wish that I could pull them aside and tell them that it doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to challenge your kids at every corner for them to succeed. Being able to read ahead of the norm at the age of 4 does not help them get into Harvard any easier.
But, I can’t do that, and especially since I don’t know the reason behind this widespread movement, I feel I can’t even really counter it effectively. I’d just let other parents do their thing, follow their course, do what they think is best with their kids. But, their way is interfering with my way. This frustrates me because it’s permeating the school system. It’s the kind of thing that implements all-day kindergarten, and introduces the 1st grade curriculum into kindergarten classrooms. It shrinks childhood, makes the early school years competitive and has the potential to turn kids off on learning. Those of us who do not buy into this kind of forcing ahead are becoming the minority and we’re having to find alternative environments, outside the public school system, to exercise our educational philosophies—which are ironically supported by educators. Because this trend to push kids fast and hard is coming from the parents, not the educators. Why listen to education experts when it comes to educating our children?
“I’m done mommy,” my little one said, “can we go get ice cream now and look at the ducks?”
I told her of course, and we left the other mother/daughter pair to work out tricky words in their reader. We ate our treats and walked along the path by the pond in the sunlight. The only biology lesson I squeezed in was to let her enjoy her childhood as it unfolded before her that day.
Tags: Childhood, early-education, educators, over-achieving-parents, pushing-kids-to-learn, pushing-kids-to-read, school-aged-children, shrinking-childhood, teachers |
18 Responses to “Read, Dammit”
RSS feed for comments on this post.
Leave a comment
Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately in an effort to remove commercial messages, irrelevancies, excessive foul language, racist/sexist/hateful comments, spoofed/cloaked IPs and/or personal attacks and will be edited/deleted at our discretion. Thank you for your patience.
1. Prescott said:
June 8, 2008 @ 2:29 pm
Heh, that reminds me of Rick Moranis’ character in Parenthood, always with the flash cards. And whose kid was happier? Steve Martin’s, eating the stickers.
2. Amanda said:
June 9, 2008 @ 8:36 am
Love that movie!
You know, as a former English teacher, that is one surefire way to raise a kid who hates to read.
3. Jessica. said:
June 9, 2008 @ 8:52 am
This is kind of a tangential note, but why are parents holding back children that are pretty much just “normal” kids? I keep meeting parents who are holding back “Johnny” because, well, he’s a little immature. News Flash: You’re supposed to be immature at 5 years old!
This need to hold your child back so that he has an advantage is so unfair to the kids that are being placed at their required age. I think my son is the youngest in his class because we were one of the few that actually put our son in Kindergarten when you’re supposed to!
4. Rita said:
June 9, 2008 @ 9:03 am
This need to hold your child back so that he has an advantage is so unfair to the kids that are being placed at their required age. I think my son is the youngest in his class because we were one of the few that actually put our son in Kindergarten when you’re supposed to![/quote]
I know. Again, I’m not sure if that’s competitive parenting, that they want to be able to brag about their kid’s achievements and how advanced he is for his class. Or if they really believe that holding off is in HIS best interest. I wish that we could identify what the motivation is for this stuff, so we could counter it. Because the way we’re heading is dangerous. Like Amanda said, it’s a surefire way to get your kids to hate reading, get discouraged in school, hate learning and want to drop out of the race. It’s terrible!
5. Jessica. said:
June 9, 2008 @ 9:43 am
[quote comment="169129"]I wish that we could identify what the motivation is for this stuff, so we could counter it.[/quote]
Well, I’ve asked some of the parents in my community and they say, “Well, you have to do that nowadays because everything is so competetive, you have to do things to give your kids an advantage.”
My response is always, if everybody’s doing that, then it’s not really an advantage. Plus, I was held back in Kindergarten because my brother is only 11 months older than me and the teachers despised us being in the same grade. I spent my life bored to tears and faking being sick because I didn’t want to have to be re-taught crap I already knew!
6. Ann Marie said:
June 9, 2008 @ 11:22 am
[quote comment="169128"]I think my son is the youngest in his class because we were one of the few that actually put our son in Kindergarten when you’re supposed to![/quote]
I held back both my children. My son was born Feb 4 1999, my daughter was born Feb 20, 2000 and our kindergarten cutoff is Feb 28. It was the best thing I ever did. And it’s not because I’m a competitive parent. Parents know their children best and who knows why each parent decides what they decide? Parents are always judging the actions of other parents, maybe some people have a really good reason for doing what they do. It’s not always to be number one.
7. Rita said:
June 9, 2008 @ 11:27 am
Around here, parents do hold their kids back for different reasons though. It’s hard not to judge parents when you see things like I do in the library and then you get a notice that the local public school (where my little one will be going) has changed their kindergarten to 3 all day sessions and 1 half-day session. Will a half-day session even be available in two years when she’s kindergarten age, or will I be pushed into all day kindergarten because that’s what other parents want? See, it’s a big cause and effect thing going on and it frustrates me because I don’t buy into it, but my style of educating is being pushed out.
So, around here, I think that the people who hold back their kids for reasons other than to be #1 are in the very small minority.
8. Allison J said:
June 9, 2008 @ 12:27 pm
Rita, as a teacher I couldn’t agree with this post more!
Sucking the fun and adventure out of reading is the best way to ensure that your child will hate reading. At 4 and 5 children should be spending more time with picture books — learning how to predict, infer, taking picture walks, asking questions.
Just because a child can “read” a level 3 reader does not mean they are comprehending the text. Fluency does not mean they are making meaningful connections. I’ve seen students read with perfect fluency and diction. You ask them for a retelling and they have not retained a single word.
There is this great book that I’ve mentioned before — The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease. It offers parents and educators a simple, common sense, and age-appropriate guide to teaching children how to read — and love it!
At 3 years old you are giving your daughter exactly what she needs — exposure to literature, playing with letters, manipulating words and sounds, and above all else, seeing mommy read.
And here in NYS, Kindergarten is all day, 5 days a week.
9. Rita said:
June 9, 2008 @ 1:00 pm
I held back both my children. My son was born Feb 4 1999, my daughter was born Feb 20, 2000 and our kindergarten cutoff is Feb 28. It was the best thing I ever did. [/quote]
But, you know, if my kids were that close to the cut-offs, I’d probably make the same choice you did. I see parents whose kids are in like November or December (here the cutoff is Sept 1st), so their kids have been 5 for MONTHS, not WEEKS, being held back. They want their kids to be a solid 6 in kindergarten, so they’re totally ahead of the game at every turn–physically and mentally.
Which means, that if that trend continues, if then you have to be six and a half or seven to be ahead in kindergarten because everyone is holding their kids back to have that edge, then maybe doing 1st grade curriculum is OK, lol. Except that between the ages of 3 and kindergarten age, parents will probably be pushing stuff at home and/or hiring private tutors so that when their kids enter kindergarten at 7, they’re already fluent in chinese and spanish, have conquered trigonometry, can name all the capitals in eastern europe and have read War and Peace (out loud, pronouncing everything perfectly, but not understanding a word of it).
10. Jessica. said:
June 9, 2008 @ 1:37 pm
[quote comment="169158"]
I held back both my children. My son was born Feb 4 1999, my daughter was born Feb 20, 2000 and our kindergarten cutoff is Feb 28.[/quote]
So your kids were 6 1/2 when they started *kindergarten*???
11. Ann Marie said:
June 9, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
[quote comment="169199"][quote comment="169158"]
I held back both my children. My son was born Feb 4 1999, my daughter was born Feb 20, 2000 and our kindergarten cutoff is Feb 28.[/quote]
So your kids were 6 1/2 when they started *kindergarten*???[/quote]
No, they were 5 1/2, if I had let them go in the years they were supposed to go they would have been 4 1/2 starting kindergarten in September. For us, it was such a blur, from birth to kindergarten, having 2 babies back to back, we had 2 cross country moves and my husband was in Bosnia at the time so it was the best decision to start them at 5 1/2 rather then 4 1/2 and just be a family unit with me at home one more year.
12. Jessica. said:
June 9, 2008 @ 2:56 pm
[quote comment="169215"]
No, they were 5 1/2, if I had let them go in the years they were supposed to go they would have been 4 1/2 starting kindergarten in September.[/quote]
Oh, okay. I get it now. In our state, you have to be five by Sept. 1st in order to enter Kindergarten, so see, your kids wouldn’t have even qualified until they were 5 1/2.
Yeah, 4 is still preschool age around here and in my opinion.
13. Allison G. said:
June 9, 2008 @ 4:16 pm
When I was in Kind., we didn’t start reading introduction until the end of the year.
My son last year, was given reading assignments at the beginning. I thought it was too early to be reading but thought, “Well. If that’s what the curriculum is, let’s do it.”
But the teacher didn’t give any at-home instructions for the parents. So when my son was just staring at the pictures and never at the words, I’d get frustrated and cover the pictures, and say “Sound it out. This is reading homework, not tell-me-what-the-picture-is homework.” He’d cry, I’d cry, and it was a mess. And he HATED it!
It wasn’t until FEBRUARY that the teacher and I had a talk and she said all she wanted him to do was look at the pics, and make his finger follow the words from left to right. “Fundamentals first. Phonics next.” she said.
Shit. I wish I had known that info back in OCTOBER, I thought. I was doing it all wrong and he was on the fast track to HATING school.
Once I backed off and did it the way she had shown him in class, it got easier for us.
Now (end of 1st grade) just last night, he was reading books to his 2 sisters, who were in awe of their big brother. His confidence is sky-high and his skills are great.
14. Prescott said:
June 9, 2008 @ 4:21 pm
Wow, I’ve never heard of such an early cutoff date, but I admittedly don’t have much experience in that arena. I think in that case certainly a number of parents not thinking their kid is ready at 4.5 is different than a kid who is 5 going on 6. I would have definitely held back our oldest if he would have been that young when he started.
And for the record, I’m only judging the select set of people who have turned parenting into a competitive sport. Hmmm, I smell a parody video in the making…
15. Queen_Heather said:
June 11, 2008 @ 12:04 pm
Where I live (California), The schools gave us a list of things our incomming Kindergartener needed to be familiar with BEFORE going to school.
Reading, basic math, colors, shapes and their full name and address were on it.
In the school district where my child goes, they are considered “behind” if they dont already know these things upon entering.
My youngest son is only 2, but we have already started playing/teaching him colors and shapes. Hoping to work towards letters and words soon.
Its a lot on a little tots plate.
Way different than it was when I was a little one.
16. Jessica said:
June 11, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
[quote comment="169595"]Where I live (California), The schools gave us a list of things our incomming Kindergartener needed to be familiar with BEFORE going to school.[/quote]
Our school district does the same thing, but there’s a big difference between knowing your colors and knowing how to read before Kindergarten.
17. Jen said:
September 30, 2008 @ 2:44 am
Thank you for this article! We just moved to CA from an overseas assignment and I was stunned and saddened to find out that my 6 year old has already been labeled “behind”. I never received any guidelines, only utilized what information I found on the internet (apparently about 10 years behind).
My daughter is reading simple books and really starting to enjoy reading. I was deeply disturbed to find out today she has to see a ‘reading specialist’. I am guessing it is because she spent kindergarten beginning the reading/writing process instead of beginning her thesis.
Do you have any advice? Should we cycle her back through kindergarten (though she is 6 1/2)? Do we accept the extra help or do we just tell them to back the heck off?
Well, thanks, I do feel better knowing I am not the only one thinking the schools are pushing kids beyond belief!
18. Rita said:
September 30, 2008 @ 7:09 am
So, it would be doing those kids, who are NORMAL such a disservice to hold them back, because not only is it well, holding them back, but it might turn them off on school, you know? Reading simple books sounds really GOOD to me, and if she enjoys reading then she’ll read more and practice is the key. If she’s made to feel like something’s wrong, then she might not enjoy reading and there goes your practice.
I’d just let her keep doing like she’s doing and tell the school thanks for the input, but you’re keeping an eye on it and have a plan at home.