This is a game I like to call, “Can You Find Everything Wrong With This Article?”

Every year, there is an article like this, giving some outrageous figure for what a stay-at-home-mother’s salary would be if she were paid. What’s wrong with that? Ready? Let’s play. Here are my top 5:

1) It’s condescending. The way it’s presented, with the huge number, it’s meant to grab readers’ attentions, shock them and make them say, “What? Stay-at-home-mothers are worth that? That doesn’t make sense!” And, then they go away shaking their heads and laughing because…

2) The number is horribly inflated. If you read the article, it says that it arrives at that salary a couple of ways—first off by pooling together all the “jobs” that moms do, like psychologist and teacher and so on. Well, I am a stay-at-home-mom and I used to be a social worker. My “caseload” as a SAHM is three, when all my “clients” are home. My caseload as a social worker was 30. There’s a difference. I may dabble in the occasional behavior modification or grief counseling session as a mother, but it’s certainly not 40 hours a week, and my kids aren’t truly mentally handicapped. None of those pooled “jobs” are done 40 hours a week, or at the level of intensity that a professional would do them. So, it’s another way of being patronizing.

3) The other way that the article says it arrives at that salary is by adding up “overtime” hours. So, the SAHM gets her salary increased by dumping on time and a half after her 40 hour week. What about working mothers (if you look at the article, the working mothers actually put in a smidgen more “overtime” than the SAHMs do)? They get their “mom salary” quoted, but it’s not the headline. And what about fathers? Now, if you were to get into “dad” pay, then surely the projected salary would be astronomical, because men make more than women. So, you might think it’s insulting to full-time mothers and fathers who work outside the house, to have them not included in this, but it’s not, because…

4) It’s still just a little joke on SAHMs. It’s not jarring news to declare that parents are important and they’re virtually invaluable. Bah, who cares! This isn’t about the value of parenting after all. This is the little nod that we give to the women who choose to stay home. They get the pat on the head, the “Oooh, look how much da mommy id worth! Does dat make da mommy happy now? Oh, mommies are soooo good. Good, good mommies.” If you really valued us, then how about giving us some decent maternity leave? Maybe a little more sick time and vacation time for our husbands, so they can be at home to relieve us once in a while? What about giving us a chance to re-enter the workforce more smoothly when we’re done with our time at home, so we don’t feel obligated to keep working when our children are small for fear of being pushed out of our fields? How about making it possible for women who want to be home with their small children to do so?

5) And, this chick, the one who was quoted as saying,

I think a lot of people think we sit and home and have a lot of fun and don’t do a lot of work,” said Samantha Russell, a Fremont, New Hampshire, mother who left her job as pastry chef to raise two boys, ages 2 and 4. “But they should try cleaning their house with little kids running around and messing it up right after them.

Well, boo-hoo. If she’s not sitting around and having fun, then she’s doing this job all wrong and should be fired. Being a SAHM is not the hardest job in the world. It’s insulting when people suggest that it is. It’s insulting to the SAHM, because it suggests that she doesn’t know what REAL hard work is, and it’s insulting to mothers who have to struggle at their paid jobs and at being a mom just to get through the day. It may not be a good match for some women, and doing a job that doesn’t suit your personality or skills is bad for anyone. But, as far as actual effort goes, really, it’s not like … working odd shifts as a waitress, trying to squeeze in parent/teacher conferences with no paid time off, overseeing homework when you can, filling your days off with running errands, and then cleaning your house with little kids running around and messing it up right after them.

I certainly don’t stay at home because,

The rewards aren’t monetary, but it’s a reward knowing that they’re safe and happy,” Russell said of her sons. “It’s worth it all.

I stay at home because it’s easier. It’s easier for everyone in the family. There is an X amount of work that needs to be done for a family to function, whether both parents work outside the home or not. By keeping one parent home, you’re relieving everyone of a little bit of burden in finishing that necessary work. Being a working mom and jugging two jobs—the paid one and the mom one–is freaking HARD. Unless you make enough money with the double income to outsource some things (house cleaning, grocery delivery, etc.), then everyone in the family has it a little harder. Being able to have one parent home is a luxury. If you can’t acknowledge that you’re in a truly enviable position and enjoy it a little, then you really don’t deserve it. Wow, having to re-clean a house or having some vague “people” think you don’t do a lot of work, that’s really tough. I’m sure a lot of mothers who have to work manual labor jobs for minimum wage to make ends meet would really sympathize with that.

It’s certainly not that I don’t value the work that a stay-at-home-mother does. I am a SAHM. It’s just that if we’re going to really acknowledge the work that parents do, and value families as a whole, then this is not the way to go about doing it.

So, is there anything I missed? Or do I win today’s match?

Bookmark to: