Comments on: The Bad Seeds http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/ Parenting, Politics and News for the Perfectly Challenged Wed, 19 Nov 2008 23:25:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Kirsten http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165667 Kirsten Sun, 25 May 2008 02:36:03 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165667 I agree with Rita, but I also understand your feelings of not wanting to make it worse for the mother/s. And of helplessness. What is going to help these boys and who is going to do it? There was a child in my son's class last year who seems destined to be one of these kids as he gets older. I know something of his history and I feel for him and his mother. But at the same time, I'm glad he's out of Liam's class. But I do wonder - what can be done to help him, and to protect the other kids - not just from obvious acts of violence, but from the less obvious bullying that can be just as debilitating? My suspicion is that if anything is going to help him it's going to take a number of years, so protecting the other children in the mean time is so important. Anyway, my sympathies, to you and to his mother. I have no answers for you though. I agree with Rita, but I also understand your feelings of not wanting to make it worse for the mother/s. And of helplessness. What is going to help these boys and who is going to do it?

There was a child in my son’s class last year who seems destined to be one of these kids as he gets older. I know something of his history and I feel for him and his mother. But at the same time, I’m glad he’s out of Liam’s class. But I do wonder - what can be done to help him, and to protect the other kids - not just from obvious acts of violence, but from the less obvious bullying that can be just as debilitating? My suspicion is that if anything is going to help him it’s going to take a number of years, so protecting the other children in the mean time is so important.

Anyway, my sympathies, to you and to his mother. I have no answers for you though.

]]> By: Allison G. http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165289 Allison G. Fri, 23 May 2008 17:42:59 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165289 I agree with Rita. What if you had picked your daughter up and it hit her in the face? It may sound as simple as "a boy threw a rock" but it could have been sooo much worse. And I agree with your husband. In the adult world this would be considered assault, and the boys who wouldn't confess would be charged with obstucting justice. Don't ever back down from these punks. It only gives them more power to try more dangerous things. I grew up in a neighborhood that had a family with 4 boys, all bullies. Nothing was ever done to correct their behavior. And from age 4 to 15, my life was HELL! Even their parents were bullies. And when my mother tried to do the right thing and talk it out, the mother choked my mom! Do not make excuses for criminals-in-training! I agree with Rita. What if you had picked your daughter up and it hit her in the face? It may sound as simple as “a boy threw a rock” but it could have been sooo much worse.
And I agree with your husband. In the adult world this would be considered assault, and the boys who wouldn’t confess would be charged with obstucting justice. Don’t ever back down from these punks. It only gives them more power to try more dangerous things.
I grew up in a neighborhood that had a family with 4 boys, all bullies. Nothing was ever done to correct their behavior. And from age 4 to 15, my life was HELL! Even their parents were bullies. And when my mother tried to do the right thing and talk it out, the mother choked my mom!
Do not make excuses for criminals-in-training!

]]> By: Rita http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165238 Rita Fri, 23 May 2008 13:16:27 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165238 [quote comment="165236"] We had a kid assigned to our step-down program in FL (coming out of juvie bootcamp) whose grandparents were wealthy and had some power in the town, and they threw a big fit and got him excused from the step-down. A month later he stole their car and drove a 14 year old girl all the way to Arizona. Surprise surprise! Their concern for him and help getting him out of his deserved punishment had no effect on him except to make him believe he could get away with anything he did.[/quote] Yup. 'round here, we call that "enabling" [quote comment="165236"]
We had a kid assigned to our step-down program in FL (coming out of juvie bootcamp) whose grandparents were wealthy and had some power in the town, and they threw a big fit and got him excused from the step-down. A month later he stole their car and drove a 14 year old girl all the way to Arizona. Surprise surprise! Their concern for him and help getting him out of his deserved punishment had no effect on him except to make him believe he could get away with anything he did.[/quote]

Yup. ’round here, we call that “enabling”

]]> By: Kristy http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165236 Kristy Fri, 23 May 2008 13:12:15 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165236 I'll add to what Rita said that you are never doing a child a favor by making excuses for their bad behavior and getting them out of trouble when they've done wrong. My experience with my spoiled baby brother who is now a convicted felon who has been incarcerated twice, as well as experiences with my students and the juvenile delinquent boys I was a social worker for in Florida rally bear that out. We had a kid assigned to our step-down program in FL (coming out of juvie bootcamp) whose grandparents were wealthy and had some power in the town, and they threw a big fit and got him excused from the step-down. A month later he stole their car and drove a 14 year old girl all the way to Arizona. Surprise surprise! Their concern for him and help getting him out of his deserved punishment had no effect on him except to make him believe he could get away with anything he did. I’ll add to what Rita said that you are never doing a child a favor by making excuses for their bad behavior and getting them out of trouble when they’ve done wrong. My experience with my spoiled baby brother who is now a convicted felon who has been incarcerated twice, as well as experiences with my students and the juvenile delinquent boys I was a social worker for in Florida rally bear that out.

We had a kid assigned to our step-down program in FL (coming out of juvie bootcamp) whose grandparents were wealthy and had some power in the town, and they threw a big fit and got him excused from the step-down. A month later he stole their car and drove a 14 year old girl all the way to Arizona. Surprise surprise! Their concern for him and help getting him out of his deserved punishment had no effect on him except to make him believe he could get away with anything he did.

]]> By: Rita http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165233 Rita Fri, 23 May 2008 12:17:17 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/05/23/the-bad-seeds/#comment-165233 I have some strong opinions on this actually. I suffered true violence while on school property, so my opinions really stem from that experience. I feel that it is the school's responsibility to ensure the safety of the children it houses during the day, and if they do not, then they should be charged with negligence. Our children are REQUIRED to go to school. The state demands that we enroll them and send them. The public school system is the default system and it needs to be held accountable for the safety of the kids inside. If it were me hit by that rock, I would have done exactly what you had done (except no tears, I've got some experience with this now), but then I wouldn't be going back for more. I'd tell what happened, I'd say that I KNOW it was one of those boys, and I'd tell the school that they need to handle it. After reporting the incident, it's really up to them as to how to handle it. If you would like something like an apology, you can ask for that. But, typically the school won't tell you if they punish the boys or anything. But, I'd also keep an eye on my daughter in that classroom. If she complains about things going on, I'd be in there in a flash making reports. Doing it NOW at this young age, you are helping those boys get help if they need it. It could be that they just need some stricter boundary enforcement, that they need to be clearly told they cannot do this or that, or there will be consequences. Or maybe their issues run deeper, and by pushing the envelope, those issues will become more evident and they can get psychological help before they become criminals. Regardless, standing firm, being "the bitch" is helping everyone. It's helping your kids, by advocating for their safety, and it's helping the boys by getting them to fall in line. Never be afraid or ashamed to advocate for your kids. You're the only one who will do it. I know, YOU were the one who got hit by the rock, but it could have been your daughter. How would you handle this if it was your daughter and not you? Handle it the same way. I have some strong opinions on this actually. I suffered true violence while on school property, so my opinions really stem from that experience.

I feel that it is the school’s responsibility to ensure the safety of the children it houses during the day, and if they do not, then they should be charged with negligence. Our children are REQUIRED to go to school. The state demands that we enroll them and send them. The public school system is the default system and it needs to be held accountable for the safety of the kids inside.

If it were me hit by that rock, I would have done exactly what you had done (except no tears, I’ve got some experience with this now), but then I wouldn’t be going back for more. I’d tell what happened, I’d say that I KNOW it was one of those boys, and I’d tell the school that they need to handle it. After reporting the incident, it’s really up to them as to how to handle it. If you would like something like an apology, you can ask for that. But, typically the school won’t tell you if they punish the boys or anything.

But, I’d also keep an eye on my daughter in that classroom. If she complains about things going on, I’d be in there in a flash making reports. Doing it NOW at this young age, you are helping those boys get help if they need it. It could be that they just need some stricter boundary enforcement, that they need to be clearly told they cannot do this or that, or there will be consequences. Or maybe their issues run deeper, and by pushing the envelope, those issues will become more evident and they can get psychological help before they become criminals.

Regardless, standing firm, being “the bitch” is helping everyone. It’s helping your kids, by advocating for their safety, and it’s helping the boys by getting them to fall in line. Never be afraid or ashamed to advocate for your kids. You’re the only one who will do it. I know, YOU were the one who got hit by the rock, but it could have been your daughter. How would you handle this if it was your daughter and not you? Handle it the same way.

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