“Excuse me, but I think your son needs therapy…”
Posted
May 18, 2008 at
5:49 pm by
Misty
Not exactly how you want to start out a conversation with your neighbors, is it? But I’m going to have to figure out some way to explain to them why I won’t allow my daughter to play with their five kids any more.
Really, it’s just the one, the four-year-old boy. We’ll call him Damien, both for the sake of privacy and because it’s frighteningly close to his actual name (the parents seem to have a fondness for the kinds of names the death-metal rockers I hung out with in high school always said they’d choose for their children, except of course they swore they were never going to have any).
I hate to admit this, but I have never liked the kid. He frightens me. Actually, he makes me want to adopt him and then spank the ever-loving crap out of him five times a day for the next year or so until he straightens up, because G-d knows, when I lay down a rule or forbid him to do something and he looks up at me with that malicious smirk in his eyes that says, “stupid lady, you think you can tell me what to do!”, I want to slap him. I’m not proud of this, and I’m not a fan of the “violence solves everything” school of parenting, but I don’t tolerate blatant disrespect from creatures small enough to be an afternoon snack for a medium-sized python. It’s just not the natural order of things.
But the problem right now isn’t the fact that he’s got a future of juvie written all over his smirking little mug, or that when he demands that I fetch him a drink from the house and I cheerfully reply, “What’s the magic word?”, he responds with, “G-d, it’s just water.” It’s his obsession with cutting people up into pieces. That’s the only game he plays, from what I can tell, and most certainly when my three-year-old daughter is playing with him. He grabs a stick, a garden trowel, a hoe, whatever’s handy, then corners her while swinging his “knife”, as he calls it, closer and closer, screech-growling that he’s going to cut her up into pieces. It’s about all I’ve ever heard him actually say out loud, as he’s completely silent when not threatening her or his siblings with butchery, so I don’t know if this is his only tone of voice, or one he reserves for his little games of junior-slasher.
But you know, I’ve never raised boys, I wasn’t even raised around them. My husband, who was once a boy himself, agrees with me that this isn’t normal, but I tried not to take it too seriously.
But the past few days, my daughter, normally as rough-and-tumble as they come, has been getting hysterical at the sight of old bruises and scrapes on her arms and legs. Like, inconsolably upset. Putting her to bed for a nap sometimes, she’ll say, “Mommy, I don’t want to get cut up into little pieces.” Clearly, this has gone beyond a somewhat-morbid child’s game over the border into Deeply Disturbing Land.
So I’ve decided she’s not playing over there any more, and they’re not allowed in our yard (we’ve already had problems with him coming up and trying to get into the back door without knocking. Now the only problem is how to tell his parents *why*. “Sorry, but I don’t want my daughter playing with a kid who’s only about two years and a misplaced hunting knife away from mutilating neighborhood pets” doesn’t seem the most tactful route. And my own experience with bullies and actual psychopaths makes me reluctant to let them know how deeply disturbed by these “play” sessions my child is becoming; you don’t hand the enemy a list of your weaknesses, you know? After (repeatedly) telling the child that I don’t want people, ANY people, coming into my yard without invitation, I’ve looked out the window on many occasions to see him sitting on our fence, just staring at the house.
Smiling a little.
Seriously, this kid creeps me the hell out.
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21 Responses to ““Excuse me, but I think your son needs therapy…””
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1. ninja weiner nah nah
May 18, 2008 @ 5:54 pm
Wow, I would not let my children play with him, too. If his parents do ask, you should tell them the truth. If they get mad, tell them you are doing this in your child’s best interest and that you are not going to change your mind. Good Luck!
2. Kymberly Foster Seabolt
May 18, 2008 @ 5:56 pm
First I laughed because of the fantastic way you turn a phrase. Very well done.
Then I got chills because I fear for you and your daughter.
I think you may be living next to a future serial killer.
Seriously.
Someone needs to tell these people this is not normal behavior. Not sure it should be you. Perhaps the school?
3. Prescott
May 18, 2008 @ 6:25 pm
Makes me want to watch The Bad Seed again.
4. Jessica
May 18, 2008 @ 6:28 pm
Wow-ser.
I would tell the shithead’s parents that his style of play isn’t a good fit and that he’s too rough with your daughter.
And then I would MOVE!
I wonder if he’s been abused or is just clinically sociopathic?
5. ninja weiner nah nah
May 18, 2008 @ 7:01 pm
[quote comment="164315"]Wow-ser.
I would tell the shithead’s parents that his style of play isn’t a good fit and that he’s too rough with your daughter.
And then I would MOVE!
I wonder if he’s been abused or is just clinically sociopathic?[/quote]
Good point.
Maybe there is a reason they (his parents) always send him your way!
6. Kennedy
May 18, 2008 @ 7:14 pm
Maybe he’s just not getting enough positive attention at home with 4 other sibling around?
7. Grandma frm Ks.
May 18, 2008 @ 7:53 pm
Misty, I would not turn my back on the little sucker, the parents will wait until some thing bad happens and then claim they never saw any thing abnormal, “he was always such a happy, sweet , and play ful little boy” yeah we have teen agers locked up for killing their whole family that was put into that same phrase.
8. Misty
May 18, 2008 @ 8:25 pm
Well, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not over-reacting, here. I realize little kids are seriously wierd creatures with inner lives that make “Brazil” make look like a car insurance commercial, but my gut just says something’s wrong, here.
Kennedy, you probably have a point. Their mom seems like a good lady, but she works as a nurse something like 60-70 hours a week, leaving them mostly in the care of their dad, who I don’t really care much for (Momma said never trust a man with jailhouse tats, and my own life experience has proved that to be a reliable prejudice), but really, in the charge of the eight-year-old girl. I get the impression that all sorts of unacceptable behavior is encouraged because it amuses the father, but then, I don’t live there, so I can’t say. That’s just the feeling I get.
Part of me wants to be the awesome neighbor lady who’s a good influence, but most of me just wants my kid protected from *their* influence. Her courteous behavior and impeccable manners have really deteriorated since she’s spent time with them, so I can’t say I’m really sorry about having an excuse other than, “Your kids’ brattiness is rubbing off on mine” to keep her away from them. See, THIS is why she’s going to be attending preschool at the local Chabad house this fall–something tells me that the kinds of parents who send their kids to be educated by Hassidic Rabbis will have at least drummed “please” and “thank you” into their little skulls.
9. julymom
May 18, 2008 @ 9:09 pm
I feel you. My parents next door neighbors have a grandson one day younger than my ds. My ds goes to visit my parents for a few weeks each summer and the neighbors grandson is usually there. This kid is evil. EVIL. He got a baby duck for Easter that he killed 3 days later. He held it underwater until it drown because he wanted to see what would happen. WTF? He beats the crap out of his older cousins (with no repercussions). He also tried to kill several of the fish in my moms coy pond. My son is rather gentle and would never ever hurt an animal. He’s not perfect by any means, but he’s a good kid and not in any way violent. The neighbors can’t wait for ds to come down because the boys can “play” together. I told my mom in no uncertain terms did I want ds around this kid. My mom doesn’t want them to play either. She can’t stand this kid. They love their neighbors, but this kid is truly awful. My parents are going to make it a point of having something to do away from the house when the demon child is at the neighbors.
If I were you I would just keep your daughter away from the other kid and if they parents say something, just tell them that he plays too rough and scares your daughter. Good luck.
10. Misty
May 18, 2008 @ 9:22 pm
Oh, my lord. I had an argument the other day with a friend of mine, who didn’t think that his twelve-year-old son torturing an opossum to death over the course of an hour was a big deal. “They didn’t think they were killing it.” “Dude, have you ever heard a hurt opossum? They scream like babies!” I don’t understand why deliberately causing an animal pain without meaning to kill it is somehow more acceptable than setting out to murder it in the first place.
I killed a LOT of animals as a child—we raised pure-bred cats, many of which were born with severe defects and had to be put down. Also, I’m an avid hunter, from a long line of the same. But if I had harmed or killed an animal for any reason other than to eat it or put it out of its misery, my dad would have whooped the ever-loving SHIT out of me, and my mom probably would have hauled me in for an exorcism.
This is why cats rule. They teach children at a very young age that there are consequences for tormenting animals, and those consequences HURT
11. Kennedy
May 18, 2008 @ 9:53 pm
[quote comment="164342"]Oh, my lord. I had an argument the other day with a friend of mine, who didn’t think that his twelve-year-old son torturing an opossum to death over the course of an hour was a big deal. “They didn’t think they were killing it.” “Dude, have you ever heard a hurt opossum? They scream like babies!” I don’t understand why deliberately causing an animal pain without meaning to kill it is somehow more acceptable than setting out to murder it in the first place.
I killed a LOT of animals as a child—we raised pure-bred cats, many of which were born with severe defects and had to be put down. Also, I’m an avid hunter, from a long line of the same. But if I had harmed or killed an animal for any reason other than to eat it or put it out of its misery, my dad would have whooped the ever-loving SHIT out of me, and my mom probably would have hauled me in for an exorcism.
This is why cats rule. They teach children at a very young age that there are consequences for tormenting animals, and those consequences HURT ;)[/quote]
We have baby kittens. My 3 yr. old is quickly learning.
12. Jessica
May 18, 2008 @ 10:00 pm
[quote comment="164339"]They love their neighbors, but this kid is truly awful.[/quote]
…but isn’t it always that way?, “I don’t know why Johnny went on a killing spree and beheaded 5 of his neighbors and drank their blood, his parents were so nice and seemed like such good people!”
Isn’t that what people said about Jeffrey Dahmers parents too?
13. Queen Bee
May 18, 2008 @ 11:28 pm
Wow, my first thought reading this was “what’s going on in that kids life?” and my second thought was “just what is the real estate market in your area like these days, would your place fetch a fair coin?” That child has issues beyond just a lack of attention, I fear for him and the people he associates with. You can try talking to the parents, but I have a feeling they know the score but just don’t want to deal with this ‘phase’. You just see the cop out all too often, and I wouldn’t want there to be any sort of retaliation toward you or your daughter.
14. Misty
May 18, 2008 @ 11:48 pm
Queen Bee–funny thing is, we moved here at a substantial rent increase to get out of a neighborhood where drug dealing, spousal abuse, and general asshole behavior wasn’t exactly rampant, but there was too much of it going on far too publicly for me to feel comfortable letting my kid play with my neighbors’ spawn.
Now we’re renting in a nice, older suburban neighborhood where we’re surrounded by retirees–except for right across the back fence, where the brood roosts. I love this house, this yard, this neighborhood, the proliferation of mature trees, the quiet. The hell if I’m going to let some twisted little ankle-biter drive me out of here, you know?
Even before this, there’s been a trend towards those kids not coming over that often, because I am a fairly strict disciplinarian where obedience and rules are concerned. I’m the damned grown-up, I make the rules, and they’d better be followed. As long as they are, I’m sunshine and light, but when rules get broken there are consequences, and while no kid likes that fact, I think these ones find it particularly strange and disorienting.
Here I was half-convinced I was being a paranoid super-elitist, and half the Internet is warning me about the CNN headline waiting to happen
I keep a really close eye on my kiddo, I’m lucky enough to have circumstances that let me do so. Our cats are naturally disinclined to be within a fifty-foot radius of this child, which makes me wonder why I didn’t catch on sooner. I’m not really worried about serious harm coming to any of us (and a good deal of that comes from being raised in a rural culture where one simply accepts, as a matter of course, that anyone trying to do harm to you or yours has forfeited their right to not get seriously hurt by you and any weapon you may have to hand. Not saying that I’m going to whip out my .38 on a pre-schooler, just illustrating the mindset ;), but it’s really nice to know I’m not freaking out over something that’s a cultural norm–mostly because if that really WERE the norm, I’d be heading for my in-laws’ place in the Ozarks with a truckload of ammo and MRE’s for the next two decades or so.
15. Rita
May 19, 2008 @ 6:51 am
OK, the four year-old needs some boundaries. You can definitely choose to have your kid not play with him. I’d probably not let him play with my kids either.
But…at four, it’s too early to say that his behaviors are indicative of anything deep and pathological. That’s not to say they AREN’T. It’s just too young to tell.
The twelve year-old, absolutely. That child is dangerous.
At four, the MOST LIKELY cause for his disturbing actions is lack of guidance–at home, and with what he’s exposed to from other areas (siblings, television, movies). But, the child may very well have a healthy brain underneath all of this that will rise to the surface in the early school years (God help his kindergarten and 1st grade teachers though) and dominate. This kid may end up a choir boy in 2nd or 3′d grade, or he may end up a psychopathic murderer. You just can’t tell. Since I’m one with a big bleeding heart, I’d prefer to give him the benefit of the doubt while there’s still hope.
That also doesn’t mean he’s not still dangerous. At that age, he has no developed sense of conscience. He does not know right from wrong. No child really does at that age. But, since he’s acting out in an aggressive way, then it’s a higher risk of someone getting hurt than with a kid who isn’t acting out.
So, I wouldn’t say to move. But, you do need to put up some significant boundaries. With kids that little, it’s easy to stop your daughter’s relationship with him. Since she’s clearly upset by it all, I think that would be the best thing to do.
But, the twelve year-old is truly frightening.
16. Misty
May 19, 2008 @ 8:12 am
Yay, Rita! Nail, on the head, you get the picture.
17. Kristy
May 19, 2008 @ 9:19 am
Oh hell no! Even without the scary shit, I would never tolerate being spoken to that disrespectfully by a child. My kids already know I have no qualms about laying down the law for any child who happens to be in my house. I have told kids who were there just to play as well as kids who were there with their parents “This is MY house. In my house, children do not talk to adults that way/play that game/do X,Y,or Z.”
I think the older kid’s behavior sounds scary, and really, he’s too old to be playing with a 3 yo anyway. What kind of terms are you on with the parents? I wonder if there’s a way to approach it so that you don’t put them on the defensive, but maybe alert them to their kids’ sociopathic tendencies. You know, play dumb. Like maybe call the mom and say something like “[Daughter] has been having some bad dreams about being cut into pieces and I noticed this is the game that [psycho] likes to play with her. She’s probably just a little sensitive but it’s getting to be a problem at night so I think she just needs some time to forget about it and not seeing [psycho] for a while is the only way I can think of for that to happen. I know it’s maybe just normal for boys that age to play a lot of violent killing games, but I guess that’s why three-year-old girls and twelve-year-old boys don’t hang out, huh?”
18. Kristy
May 19, 2008 @ 9:20 am
Oh wait, I got confused about which kid was the main problem. STill, some version of that might work.
19. Kristy
May 19, 2008 @ 9:22 am
(Sorry to serial comment. Just realized my name link was wrong and couldn’t figure out a way to fix it without posting again.)
20. Misty
May 19, 2008 @ 10:00 am
Kristy–The twelve-year-old I referred to in the comments has never even met my child, he’s the child of a friend’s husband, we were just having a conversation about kids doing weird crap and the critter-killing behavior came up. The boy in the original blog post is only four, but yeah, my kid isn’t going to be playing with him anymore. I like your suggestion for tactfully discussing it with his parents, though–thanks!
21. suz100
May 20, 2008 @ 2:11 am
My Gosh!
Jeffrey Dahmer came to my mind also! He started his childhood with killing animals for “fun”
Misty— Family first. I would not even talk with his parents! They can`t be “right in the head”
So sorry this is in your back yard, Keep this kid from even looking at your family! Maybe his parents will deal with it since he`s not at your house any more? What`s he going to do next? Start setting a fire?