Domestic bliss
Posted
May 12, 2008 at
2:21 pm by
Tracy
I’ve got a confession. I’m getting married on Sunday.
I refer to my domstic partner as my husband because it’s easier than typing “oh my domestic partner was all, yeah let me change that poo diaper and THAN give you a back rub!” It’s easier that explaining what the hell a domestic partner IS. I’m not even sure, but I know it gives us health insurance and is exactly like being married [complete with pointless dramatic fights about who does the dishes] minus the paper. I ENJOY being domestic partners, and if it were up to me I’d float around in my domstic partner shaped bubble oblivious to things like dress fittings where you’re told to “not get any fatter…” and arguing about whether to sit divorced parents near each other.
But everyone wants to see us married, sort of like they want us to baptize our daughter so you know, we don’t end up in Limbo or hell, or wherever we will go. I agreed to do it, fine, and my father with all his alcoholic guilt is paying for a large wedding, a large wedding we are not prepared for. We have the centerpieces, the flowers, the menu, the seat charts, I even lost 2lbs [actually, I may have gained it back at Mothers Day brunch] but um, we didn’t get our marriage papers yet, and we still have no one to marry us. I’m all for an afternoon in the court house wearing a comfortable sundress, but I’ve been threatened by members of my family that that shit ain’t going to fly. It’s my fault too, for procrastinating but I don’t see what the big deal is?
See, my families lovely. Whether we are domestic partners, or husband and wife. To me, my partner IS my husband. He’s my love, and my best friend. We are more happy than people I know who are getting married, or already have done so! I want to keep my last name anyway, I want to have a party with endless Shirley temples and pink rose petals as partners, and the creators of the most beautiful little cherub in the world. I don’t want to scream at husbandpartnerdude because we BOTH are procrastinators and waited to long to do this, I don’t WANT to think about our parents [both sets] who have chosen to either hit the road, or get re-married sitting next to each other, and feeling awkward the entire time. I just want to be happy.
They are bursting my little bliss bubble. This is the imperfect wedding.
Are you married?
Tags: domestic-partners, domestic-partnership, engagment, getting-married, love-and-marriage, marriage |
11 Responses to “Domestic bliss”
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1. Allison J said:
May 12, 2008 @ 3:08 pm
When my husband and I were planning our 2006 wedding, it was rough! His parents, who have since reconciled, were going through a nasty separation. Our two very large families were causing a seating nightmare (this one will fight with that one, he’s bringing his new girlfriend and his ex-wife cannot be within 3 feet of said couple). And the flowers, chair covers, cake, etc. were all-consuming.
With that said, we had the most beautifully stunning wedding, because it was so us! It was imperfectly perfect — just like us.
If certain family members are raining on your sunny bliss, put them into their places ASAP. They can suck it up for one day!
Remember, it is you and your partner’s day — live it up your way. (and I so didn’t mean to rhyme here!)
2. Tracy said:
May 12, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
With that said, we had the most beautifully stunning wedding, because it was so us! It was imperfectly perfect — just like us.
If certain family members are raining on your sunny bliss, put them into their places ASAP. They can suck it up for one day!
Remember, it is you and your partner’s day — live it up your way. (and I so didn’t mean to rhyme here!)[/quote]
You totally meant to rhyme, don’t lie!
3. Erika said:
May 12, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
I am married because in 2001 I needed surgery that my insurance would not cover, and at the time I had to be a spouse to get picked up on my now-husband’s insurance. And then we had the big dress wedding because it seemed vitally important to everyone in the world except me. I’m very neutral on the whole thing, really– even the fact that we (atheists) were married in a church by a real church officiant. It was the church that my mother belonged to for most of her life, and we were married by the same pastor that conducted her funeral, so that was nice for my family, I think, and I just ignored the parts that I found crazy. Given different circumstances I would have made drastically different choices, but it is what it is. I’m just wholly unromantic, I guess.
It helps when you’re having your wedding for other people.
4. Rita said:
May 12, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
We had the cheapest, simplest wedding in the world. I’m from Chicago, he’s from Cleveland Ohio. When we first announced our engagement, things started getting weird (his family wanted a big catholic wedding in Cleveland, mine wanted a big lutheran wedding in chicago).
We ended up getting married in Toledo, Ohio, which is exactly halfway between Cleveland and Chicago. My theology professor from college (who happened to be a great big entertaining baptist minister–Bible thumping and whooping to a traditional gospel choir and all) performed the ceremony in his church in inner city Toledo (Toledo has an inner city).
We invited four people. My parents and his parents.
I got my dress at a place like Dress Barn for $50. The shoes were from Payless for around $15. Our wedding rings were solid gold bands from Sears. $35 apiece. I never got an engagement ring.
After all that, I can’t imagine that spending more money or having more fuss would have made it any different. The only thing I remember about any of it was standing there and him saying, “I do,” and me nearly fainting, thinking–OhMyGod…He DOES! Do I???? Do I????–and then saying, “I Do,” too.
In Chicago, my parents threw a big bash for us the next day. My mom hired a caterer and it was so nice. All my local friends were there and it was great. The following weekend, his parents through us a big reception at their house (no caterer, and all of his Hell’s Angels cousins were there), and that was interesting. It was obvious our families were never really meant to mingle that much. His parents and my parents were fine together, but beyond that, there’d be war.
I just wouldn’t have the patience for a big wedding. It’s just not me. 17 years later, I still know that about myself and am just so proud of my ability to put my foot down back then and not get roped into something ugly that I would have regretted. Now, if someone else wants to do all the planning, and I mean ALL the planning, and all I have to do is show up, have fun and leave when I’m done, then something big could be all right. But, otherwise, nope.
Congratulations though. I’m sure at this point, it’s all ready to go. It’s just probably like a moving walkway, gliding you towards Sunday. The actual ceremony will be something you won’t forget, regardless of anything else. It will mean more than just the piece of paper. Have fun!
5. Prescott said:
May 12, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
Congratulations?
6. Allison G. said:
May 12, 2008 @ 6:55 pm
Hey! What’s that question mark supposed to mean?!
7. Philly said:
May 13, 2008 @ 8:09 am
Married 22 years, guess we are doing something right!!
8. McGee said:
May 13, 2008 @ 5:24 pm
your wedding will be bliss - not to mention be OVER before you know it - so enjoy! You and your partner are the only 2 people who matter on that day - it will be great- you wait and see!!!
BTW married 9 years next week and loving it more and more each day
9. Maureen said:
May 15, 2008 @ 8:15 pm
Yep, married. He’s legally bound to me. And my stretch marks.
10. Rita said:
May 17, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
Oh, and we expect some pictures, over there in the community. Get yourself a screen name, pop over in the General Gab area and tell us all about how it went!
11. Grandma frm Ks. said:
May 17, 2008 @ 7:33 pm
Tracy, congradulations, hope this will be a memory that last a life time, I going on 46 years, it’s better than ever, and yes I do mean that, we’ll just grow old together, and the fire still burns.