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I really think that’s it in a nutshell. How the kids behave on or around prom is just indicative of how they behave in the rest of their lives. If their the kinds of kids who have no boundaries and are materialistically spoiled, then they’ll have the dresses and the limos and no parental supervision. If they’re kids who are having sex, then they’ll have sex. If they’re kids who drink and do drugs, then they’ll drink and do drugs.

I don’t really know if there are more kids living those lives than when I was that age though. General consensus here seems to say there are, so…there ya go! I’m not terribly worried about my own kids crossing that line. It’s a concern, but it’s a concern I’ve had since before they were born, so my entire parenting philosophy has been geared towards preventing that when my kids reach that age. I hope it works and I really think it will.

I teach at an urban high school, and some of the girls do spend $500 for their dress, but not all of them. We have a dress code and the kids have to check in. It’s pretty lenient, but there can’t be bare midriffs or crazy amounts of boob showing. One girl, who really needs to be shown the value of a good foundation garment, came in a dress that had a plunging neckline that cut away to the side beneath one breast, and she had to cover up or leave and the kids are still talking about how nasty she looked, so even these kids with their super-liberal standards of decency have their limits. We didn’t have the prom at a hotel ballroom this year as we have previously, so if the kids went to hotel rooms later (as I’m sure some did), we didn’t see it.

Honestly, I think the kids who are already sexually active will be having sex after the prom. I think some involved couples will plan to have sex on this night because it’s “special,” but most likely they would find an occasion with or without the prom if that’s where they think the relationship is. I don’t think prom causes any young innocent virgins to just through their panties at the first guy they see. IOW, prom isn’t really the main issue for sex, IMO.

I do think in small towns, the whole drinking and driving thing gets the most out of control. My best friend in high school moved back to the small town she had come from in southern Illinois, and I swear it seemed like once a month someone she knew was killed in a car wreck. That has never been my experience in a larger city.

That’s a nice idea! Was there a large turn-out for the after-prom festivities?

I do think that proms have changed — they are more extravagant. There is more competition between kids, and I think parents, to out-do each other on prom night.

What really bothers me is when parents rent hotel rooms for their kids for after-prom festivities. If you as the parent are going to be there, fine. But to assume that the kids are just going to hang out and go to bed is ridiculous. Better safe than sorry.

Well, kids CAN find ways to have fun after prom that are appropriate. A lot of them do, in fact. But, who is going to do a big news segment about a normal group of kids who doesn’t get all outrageous and crazy and then behave well afterwards? The ones that grab your attention are the ones who are annoying in some way.

And, the point of my confession in my first response is that I don’t think things are *becoming* anything. They always were that way. People can talk all they want about how good the old days were, but I can tell ya, I wasn’t alone in my wild behavior in the mid/late 80’s. I distinctly remember other people being there.

Even my LDS friends call staunch believers as Molly…or not so staunch as Jack Morman…it is part of all of our speech here….

And my daughter would feel very out of place at this particular function…because it will be like an all night Fireside meeting….

Oh well, I am done….if you don’t live here, you won’t understand it….but Life is Elevated here in Utah, and I will retire here.

One more thing…the dress thing is funny, you just don’t get it….it has nothing to do with what is happening in the news….there is very much a polygamist community here…in my town….it is just more low key….

And: these dresses DO NOT exist, unless the FLDS women can make you one.”

And then there was the, “I’m no Molly Mormon” comment on another thread. It just comes across as being prejudiced against these people, but apparently that’s not what you mean.

If you’re happy there, then great. I mean, people certainly can fit in and adjust in sub-societies where they’re the minority. It just seemed you were really unhappy with being a minority in this case, by the comments I quoted. That’s where my suggestion to move came from. We’ve been unhappy in places and we’ve moved.

Personally, I could never live in an area like yours . I would just have a very hard time with the religion permeating everything (especially when it’s constitutionally not allowed). But, that’s just me.

My best friend is Mormon. The day after my First Communion party, I convinced her to try a little Diet Coke (we had alot left over from the party)…We were such rebels! lol She thought it was gross! lol We have been best friends ever since!

Also, her mom taught LDS bible study at their home before school. We would sneak into her goody bag and eat all of her Little Debbie treats for the class…Good times, good times!

I really don’t want to come across as anti-Morman….I have lived here for 14 years. The first year was extremely tough, because there were ALOT of things to get used to. But the suggestion to move….no way. We gave up a transfer so we could stay here. I supported Mitt Romney and I love that the worst kid in the school is still a great kid. You take the good with the not so good with everything.

Since we were talking about Prom, and how ours is sooooo heavily influenced by the dominant faith, couldn’t really explain it with out bring the religion into it.

Were you aware that in HS, the kids have LDS seminary, (Church) during the school day, on public school property, for HS credit. And, non-Mormon kids cannot take the class…on public school property???? It is probably the only state in the nation were there is no real separation…..those of who live here, just chuckle and keep on enjoying the good life!!! Hope that clears up my feelings….

As for prom, mine sounds a lot like yours, Allison J. I had no desire to party, drink, or rent a room to have sex. I respected the trust my mom had in me so I wasn’t going to risk being grounded by breaking all of the rules on prom night. Of course I wasn’t part of the ‘in crowd’ either. Who knows what those assholes did that night……

In Utah there is NO seperation of Church and State. And there are many great things in the LDS religion, as with any other religion. But unless you have lived in Utah, it can’t really be explained. The LDS community makes the state of Utah one of the best states I have ever lived in….good values, good people-but they do rule the state. And as far as modesty, I think it is a great thing, but the pricnipal is LDS and should not bring her personal dress code into a public school-much like a teacher talking about their favorite politcal candidate.
I am not bashing…I am telling you how it really is.

And your LDS friends will tell you that the Mormans outside of Utah are much more liberal and open minded…hope that helped to refrence where I am coming from.

I don’t live in an area with a big Mormon population, but still, I have some friends who are LDS and it (like all prejudice) kinda rubs me wrong when just about every other thing you say is some slam against these people. I understand being displeased with a particular religion (I’m an ex-catholic), but to be putting down the *people* who participate in that religion is being kind of prejudiced, don’t you think?

As far as the other:
Is this a high school function? Then how can it be a church function? Or is a private high school?

The school board should be the ones determining dress codes, not the principal. People vote in the school board and individuals have the option of approaching the board if a decision is made that the public is not happy with.

If all of this has happened and it’s all constitutional and right and you’re just in the minority, and these things still really bother you, then maybe move? I know I wouldn’t want to remain in an area where my kid wouldn’t even want to go to a public school function because she felt ostracized by the majority. That’s just not an environment I’d want my kids to grow up in, if I could help it.

She also won’t be attending prom as well as about 1/3 of the class. The principal has a crazy impossible dress code for the girls dresses. No halter, no back showing, no collar bones, straps must be 4 fingers wide….now let me tell you, these dresses DO NOT exist, unless the FLDS women can make you one. She might as well a corduory jumper and tights!!!!

Too bad…I understand dress code, and I understand modesty. Why doesn’t the principal understand this is a fancy night and allow the young ladies to dress the part.

Seriously, some of the hard core girls are wearing tuxes….clever, but sure takes all the fun out of a memorable night.

Guess I shouldn’t complain, I just saved a gazillion dollars!!!!

My junior prom, I went with a bunch of friends. We didn’t rent a limo, but we had a car. After the prom (which was dull, because I totally hated those people), we did rent a hotel suite, which my date and I made use of, and then came out to join the others in dong lines off of a mirror someone took down from the wall.

I don’t really know that things are wilder now, maybe you’re just seeing more of it where you are, or whatever population is most visible where you are?

My son’s school doesn’t have a traditional “prom.” They have a dance and they call it a prom, but there isn’t a prom king and queen and all the trappings. It’s just a different school with different priorities and rituals.

I have a whole plan of action, a whole parenting philosophy I follow that is intended to help my kids avoid the kind of high school experience that I had, and become the kind of teen that I was. I mean, I was nice! I was in honors classes, and very pleasant to be around. But, I was stoned, skipped classes, and then dropped out (to end up getting my GED and finishing college the long way). I get reinforcement for my plan by these teens I see at tae kwon do. They’re very responsible, goal oriented and just great kids. I see what their parents do, and see where my own went wrong and really hope that the way we’re going will work out favorably. I have a young teen and so far I can say that I’m just not at all worried about him having sex or getting high or any of those problems. It’s just not his world.