Prom Season
Posted
May 6, 2008 at
2:52 pm by
Allison J
You know it’s coming — the dresses, tuxedos, limos — the works. It’s time for the high school prom.
My senior prom was a mild affair. Nothing out of control. For a large graduating class things were kept pretty minimal. I don’t recall talk of any crazy after-prom parties. No one showed up in monster-limos and barely-there gowns. And everyone escaped prom night unscathed. My butt, and those of 4 of my girlfriends, had to be back at my parent’s house at 1am. My parents didn’t rent a hotel room for me and my pals. I didn’t have carte blanche to stay out all night because it was prom.
This was a mere 8 years ago, but after watching a TV special on proms, I realize how drastically things have changed. The event has become a big bucks, big deal bash. I’ve listened to kids at a local high school gabbing about prom night — they’ve been scoping out dresses that cost nearly as much as my mortgage. They’re booking transportation that put my wedding fleet to shame. And they’re prepping for a wild night free from adult supervision.
Now underage drinking is no shock to me. Neither are after parties. But things have just become so out of control. There is much easier access to drugs, party locales, and booze.
I certainly do not want to be on the receiving end of some drunk high-schooler behind the wheel on prom night, but I don’t really know what the solution is. Parents have to be more vigilant. Law enforcement agencies have to be on high-alert. The hospitality industry, which stands to make bank during prom season, has to put the breaks on renting out rooms to kids looking to cut loose after prom.
But what role does the school play after the dance ends? I know of one high school that has banned the prom due to the increase in drinking and driving incidents, drug use, and over the top after parties.
I don’t believe in punishing the group because of careless acts of the few, but are parents and schools doing enough to keep kids safe? Is this one of those situations where kids will just find a way to do what they want?
Tags: after-prom-parties, drinking-and-driving, MADD, prom, prom-night-safety, SADD, underage-drinking |
20 Responses to “Prom Season”
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1. Rita said:
May 6, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
Your prom experience was considerably different from mine, and mine was 22 years ago. Junior prom, not senior prom. I dropped out of high school the summer between junior and senior year.
My junior prom, I went with a bunch of friends. We didn’t rent a limo, but we had a car. After the prom (which was dull, because I totally hated those people), we did rent a hotel suite, which my date and I made use of, and then came out to join the others in dong lines off of a mirror someone took down from the wall.
I don’t really know that things are wilder now, maybe you’re just seeing more of it where you are, or whatever population is most visible where you are?
My son’s school doesn’t have a traditional “prom.” They have a dance and they call it a prom, but there isn’t a prom king and queen and all the trappings. It’s just a different school with different priorities and rituals.
I have a whole plan of action, a whole parenting philosophy I follow that is intended to help my kids avoid the kind of high school experience that I had, and become the kind of teen that I was. I mean, I was nice! I was in honors classes, and very pleasant to be around. But, I was stoned, skipped classes, and then dropped out (to end up getting my GED and finishing college the long way). I get reinforcement for my plan by these teens I see at tae kwon do. They’re very responsible, goal oriented and just great kids. I see what their parents do, and see where my own went wrong and really hope that the way we’re going will work out favorably. I have a young teen and so far I can say that I’m just not at all worried about him having sex or getting high or any of those problems. It’s just not his world.
2. friend said:
May 6, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
Being in Utah, you can imagine how conservative the Proms are here. The PTA of my daughter’s HS puts on an all nite shin dig at a rec center, complete with swimming, rock climbing, karoke…for a minimal fee. By kid, not being LDS is not attending…it really is more like a Church function.
She also won’t be attending prom as well as about 1/3 of the class. The principal has a crazy impossible dress code for the girls dresses. No halter, no back showing, no collar bones, straps must be 4 fingers wide….now let me tell you, these dresses DO NOT exist, unless the FLDS women can make you one. She might as well a corduory jumper and tights!!!!
Too bad…I understand dress code, and I understand modesty. Why doesn’t the principal understand this is a fancy night and allow the young ladies to dress the part.
Seriously, some of the hard core girls are wearing tuxes….clever, but sure takes all the fun out of a memorable night.
Guess I shouldn’t complain, I just saved a gazillion dollars!!!!
3. Rita said:
May 6, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
I’m sorry…I really shouldn’t, but here I go (holding my nose, closing my eyes and falling tumbling back off the boat)…Friend, what’s with all the anti-Mormon stuff?
I don’t live in an area with a big Mormon population, but still, I have some friends who are LDS and it (like all prejudice) kinda rubs me wrong when just about every other thing you say is some slam against these people. I understand being displeased with a particular religion (I’m an ex-catholic), but to be putting down the *people* who participate in that religion is being kind of prejudiced, don’t you think?
As far as the other:
Is this a high school function? Then how can it be a church function? Or is a private high school?
The school board should be the ones determining dress codes, not the principal. People vote in the school board and individuals have the option of approaching the board if a decision is made that the public is not happy with.
If all of this has happened and it’s all constitutional and right and you’re just in the minority, and these things still really bother you, then maybe move? I know I wouldn’t want to remain in an area where my kid wouldn’t even want to go to a public school function because she felt ostracized by the majority. That’s just not an environment I’d want my kids to grow up in, if I could help it.
4. friend said:
May 6, 2008 @ 5:25 pm
Rita,
In Utah there is NO seperation of Church and State. And there are many great things in the LDS religion, as with any other religion. But unless you have lived in Utah, it can’t really be explained. The LDS community makes the state of Utah one of the best states I have ever lived in….good values, good people-but they do rule the state. And as far as modesty, I think it is a great thing, but the pricnipal is LDS and should not bring her personal dress code into a public school-much like a teacher talking about their favorite politcal candidate.
I am not bashing…I am telling you how it really is.
And your LDS friends will tell you that the Mormans outside of Utah are much more liberal and open minded…hope that helped to refrence where I am coming from.
5. Allison G. said:
May 6, 2008 @ 6:00 pm
I’ve lived in Idaho and with Utah bordering southern Idaho, there is A LOT of LDS influences in the state.
As for prom, mine sounds a lot like yours, Allison J. I had no desire to party, drink, or rent a room to have sex. I respected the trust my mom had in me so I wasn’t going to risk being grounded by breaking all of the rules on prom night. Of course I wasn’t part of the ‘in crowd’ either. Who knows what those assholes did that night……
6. julymom said:
May 6, 2008 @ 7:13 pm
My Senior prom was 17 years ago and it was a big affair. I went to an all girls school and prom was THE thing. The prom was held at the Sears Tower (in the Executive Club) and we had a limo to take us and bring us home. After the prom we had a carriage ride around Chicago, went to an after party (parents were present), then went back to another friend’s house and watched movies (read: made out under the blankets) and then the next morning the Mother’s Club had a sunrise b’fast on the beach in Lake Forest. It was awesome.
My Junior prom was on a boat. Unfortunately the weather was uncooperative and it was freezing, so we didn’t get to use the deck much. They ended up setting up the dj inside (it was a huge boat) and it was fun, but not what the Seniors had in mind. We went to a party afterwards and then slept at a friend’s house and went to the sunrise b’fast. My Senior prom was way more fun.
7. Friend said:
May 6, 2008 @ 7:59 pm
Rita,
I really don’t want to come across as anti-Morman….I have lived here for 14 years. The first year was extremely tough, because there were ALOT of things to get used to. But the suggestion to move….no way. We gave up a transfer so we could stay here. I supported Mitt Romney and I love that the worst kid in the school is still a great kid. You take the good with the not so good with everything.
Since we were talking about Prom, and how ours is sooooo heavily influenced by the dominant faith, couldn’t really explain it with out bring the religion into it.
Were you aware that in HS, the kids have LDS seminary, (Church) during the school day, on public school property, for HS credit. And, non-Mormon kids cannot take the class…on public school property???? It is probably the only state in the nation were there is no real separation…..those of who live here, just chuckle and keep on enjoying the good life!!! Hope that clears up my feelings….
8. smja2a said:
May 6, 2008 @ 8:58 pm
You guys brought back a memory!
My best friend is Mormon. The day after my First Communion party, I convinced her to try a little Diet Coke (we had alot left over from the party)…We were such rebels! lol She thought it was gross! lol We have been best friends ever since!
Also, her mom taught LDS bible study at their home before school. We would sneak into her goody bag and eat all of her Little Debbie treats for the class…Good times, good times!
9. Rita said:
May 6, 2008 @ 9:03 pm
Friend, it’s just that you make these comments like: By kid, not being LDS is not attending…it really is more like a Church function.”
And: these dresses DO NOT exist, unless the FLDS women can make you one.”
And then there was the, “I’m no Molly Mormon” comment on another thread. It just comes across as being prejudiced against these people, but apparently that’s not what you mean.
If you’re happy there, then great. I mean, people certainly can fit in and adjust in sub-societies where they’re the minority. It just seemed you were really unhappy with being a minority in this case, by the comments I quoted. That’s where my suggestion to move came from. We’ve been unhappy in places and we’ve moved.
Personally, I could never live in an area like yours . I would just have a very hard time with the religion permeating everything (especially when it’s constitutionally not allowed). But, that’s just me.
10. Friend said:
May 6, 2008 @ 9:47 pm
Rita,
Even my LDS friends call staunch believers as Molly…or not so staunch as Jack Morman…it is part of all of our speech here….
And my daughter would feel very out of place at this particular function…because it will be like an all night Fireside meeting….
Oh well, I am done….if you don’t live here, you won’t understand it….but Life is Elevated here in Utah, and I will retire here.
One more thing…the dress thing is funny, you just don’t get it….it has nothing to do with what is happening in the news….there is very much a polygamist community here…in my town….it is just more low key….
11. Jennifer said:
May 7, 2008 @ 1:14 pm
Proms have become such extravagant affairs, it’s ridiculous. It’s a school dance not your wedding!! Even people who get married don’t go all out and crazy like some people do for proms! Tanning till your brown as a crayon, getting crazy acrilic nails and pedicures. Paying $500 or more for dresses that have nothing to them. I can’t believe some parents let their kids go to prom wearing these low cut front and back dresses. Boobs popping out here and there. It’s crazy!! I know after my prom it was very popular to either go back to a friends house and sleep over or go up the mountains or down the shore. I did none of those things then go home right after prom. Parents orders. Unfortunately last year a a group of kids were heading up the mountains after prom. They hit the barrier and two people were thrown from the car and killed. Is this really a social thing? Where are the parents heads sometimes?? I would never let my daughter go up the mountains or down the shore alone that late at night! My parents were reasonable with me, I went to an amusement park the day after prom with a lot of friends. Why can’t kids find ways to have fun after prom that dont involve partying, drinking, and driving to far places in the middle of the night? Things are becoming so out of hand! To teenagers its become necessary to be a walking tanned barbie, with crazy up-do’s, skimpy dresses and over done make up! And oh yea, you can’t forget the social drinking binge after-prom-party. ITS SICK!
12. Rita said:
May 7, 2008 @ 1:26 pm
[quote comment="161392"] Why can’t kids find ways to have fun after prom that dont involve partying, drinking, and driving to far places in the middle of the night? Things are becoming so out of hand! To teenagers its become necessary to be a walking tanned barbie, with crazy up-do’s, skimpy dresses and over done make up! And oh yea, you can’t forget the social drinking binge after-prom-party. ITS SICK![/quote]
Well, kids CAN find ways to have fun after prom that are appropriate. A lot of them do, in fact. But, who is going to do a big news segment about a normal group of kids who doesn’t get all outrageous and crazy and then behave well afterwards? The ones that grab your attention are the ones who are annoying in some way.
And, the point of my confession in my first response is that I don’t think things are *becoming* anything. They always were that way. People can talk all they want about how good the old days were, but I can tell ya, I wasn’t alone in my wild behavior in the mid/late 80’s. I distinctly remember other people being there.
13. Allison J said:
May 7, 2008 @ 1:33 pm
I do think that proms have changed — they are more extravagant. There is more competition between kids, and I think parents, to out-do each other on prom night.
What really bothers me is when parents rent hotel rooms for their kids for after-prom festivities. If you as the parent are going to be there, fine. But to assume that the kids are just going to hang out and go to bed is ridiculous. Better safe than sorry.
14. Philly said:
May 8, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
In our school district the prom usually ends aroun 11:00 pm. The kids have an hour to get home , change, do what they have to before they go to post prom which is usually at a different location. There they are locked in from 12 til 6 am. They have food, entertainment, seems to work.
Made me sleep better the night of my daughters prom !
15. Allison G. said:
May 8, 2008 @ 3:03 pm
We had a party like that but it was after the graduation ceremony. You could only arrive by the provided school bus, and could only leave at 6am on that bus. All games, prizes, food and non-alc driks provided all night.
But my best friend got pregnant our senior year and went into labor at the party. The school chaperones had to call her parents to drive 1/2 hour to take her from the party, and then they had to drive another hour to get her to the hospital.
16. Allison J said:
May 8, 2008 @ 4:44 pm
Made me sleep better the night of my daughters prom ![/quote]
That’s a nice idea! Was there a large turn-out for the after-prom festivities?
17. Allison G. said:
May 8, 2008 @ 7:32 pm
Well it was after graduation, not prom. But it was a HUGE turnout. It was held at a resort/hotel and had an indoor pool. And the prizes they were handing out were like dishes, cookware, bedding and other stuff like that. You know, stuff you could use in a dorm at college or something. Adult stuff, not video games, CD players, and other ‘toys’.
18. Philly said:
May 9, 2008 @ 5:09 am
Allison, yes most of the senior class does usually attend. They have been doing this for a while now and it seems to keep kids out of trouble.
19. Kristy said:
May 9, 2008 @ 9:22 am
Hm, I went to prom with my now-husband three times (his senior, when I was a sophomore, and my junior and senior proms, when he dutifully took me even though he was out of school). All three times, I got dolled up in a reasonably-priced formal (had the first two made, bought the third off the rack and had it hemmed to about three inches below my ass), we went out for a nice dinner, stayed at prom just long enough to see our friends and get pictures made, stopped in at a few parties in hotel rooms, then had a room and had sex til I had to go home. It was just what we did all the time, but in a different place and nicer clothes.
I teach at an urban high school, and some of the girls do spend $500 for their dress, but not all of them. We have a dress code and the kids have to check in. It’s pretty lenient, but there can’t be bare midriffs or crazy amounts of boob showing. One girl, who really needs to be shown the value of a good foundation garment, came in a dress that had a plunging neckline that cut away to the side beneath one breast, and she had to cover up or leave and the kids are still talking about how nasty she looked, so even these kids with their super-liberal standards of decency have their limits. We didn’t have the prom at a hotel ballroom this year as we have previously, so if the kids went to hotel rooms later (as I’m sure some did), we didn’t see it.
Honestly, I think the kids who are already sexually active will be having sex after the prom. I think some involved couples will plan to have sex on this night because it’s “special,” but most likely they would find an occasion with or without the prom if that’s where they think the relationship is. I don’t think prom causes any young innocent virgins to just through their panties at the first guy they see. IOW, prom isn’t really the main issue for sex, IMO.
I do think in small towns, the whole drinking and driving thing gets the most out of control. My best friend in high school moved back to the small town she had come from in southern Illinois, and I swear it seemed like once a month someone she knew was killed in a car wreck. That has never been my experience in a larger city.
20. Rita said:
May 9, 2008 @ 2:39 pm
[quote comment="162333"]
Honestly, I think the kids who are already sexually active will be having sex after the prom. I think some involved couples will plan to have sex on this night because it’s “special,” but most likely they would find an occasion with or without the prom if that’s where they think the relationship is. I don’t think prom causes any young innocent virgins to just through their panties at the first guy they see. IOW, prom isn’t really the main issue for sex, IMO.
[/quote]
I really think that’s it in a nutshell. How the kids behave on or around prom is just indicative of how they behave in the rest of their lives. If their the kinds of kids who have no boundaries and are materialistically spoiled, then they’ll have the dresses and the limos and no parental supervision. If they’re kids who are having sex, then they’ll have sex. If they’re kids who drink and do drugs, then they’ll drink and do drugs.
I don’t really know if there are more kids living those lives than when I was that age though. General consensus here seems to say there are, so…there ya go! I’m not terribly worried about my own kids crossing that line. It’s a concern, but it’s a concern I’ve had since before they were born, so my entire parenting philosophy has been geared towards preventing that when my kids reach that age. I hope it works and I really think it will.