Socially retarded
Posted
May 1, 2008 at
3:17 pm by
Tracy
I’ve always been kind of lame at friend making. I say odd inappropriate things, stutter, twitch…you name it. I’ve also always been a crappy friend, choosing books over girls nights out and only acting nicely when I had something to gain. I think age, and wisdom [ha ha ha] have changed me, kind of. All the ten second intense girl-friendships I had, I wish I still did and I’d love a girls night out! To the bookstore, and don’t follow me around, okay?
But seriously, my daughter and I go for walks if it’s nice out through the park to feed the ducks, and sit around. Sometimes we bring breakfast; a muffin and coffee for myself and cheerios and carrot juice for popette. We sit, and scope out the scene. Early morning is the best time to meet other moms, everyone’s on the coffee-high racing through the park with their kids before lunch time, and eventually…hopefully nap time. I beam at everyone’s kids, and I beam at moms. I rarely get smiles back…most ladies have a puss on their faces as they speed past me with a bluetooth to their ear yapping away. I catch children’s eyes more than woman my own age, and I make faces and stick out my tongue kind of wishing I were their age again, when the only thing I needed was juice, a couple of toys, and a hugs.
I tried Cafemom, I try other sites, and you know what? Motherhood is like high school. There’s the put together fancy smancy moms with $450 strollers and manicures who won’t give me the time of day because my cardigan’s covered in baby barf and oops, carrots. Or maybe it’s because I’m young, and odd…my moccasins untied, bruises on my knees from stumbling around in the dark trying to make a bottle, a copy of some feminist rant peeking out of my diaper bag that has owls and birds on it. The moms I do encounter are also freakishly immature, bored and ready to argue about anything at all because they have nothing better to do with their time. I don’t want to argue - I want to talk about poo.
How does a mom make friends?
How did I make friends in high school?
Why can’t, when I do find a neat mom summon up the courage to go “HEY, lets get lunch, I’ve got a kid, you’ve got a kid, we’ve got at least shit in common and maybe you wanna eat a grilled cheese with me and talk about it? Our kid, or something..”
I’m hopeless!
Tags: finding-mom-friends, mommy-and-me, motherhood |
13 Responses to “Socially retarded”
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1. Rita. said:
May 1, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
Ooooh, Tracy, your posts lately have been breaking my heart!
I’ve been there. I wrote about it in My Kids’ Friends’ Parents Rule. I am so not a clique mommy. But, there are mothers like you (and me) out there. There just really, really hard to find, because they tend to stay away from groups of mommies.
I’d recommend meeting social needs outside of mommyhood. I did martial arts for a long time and met some really great people there. I worked a part-time job when we lived in MA and had some very interesting co-workers. I’ve volunteered for political activities and for pet organizations and found cool people in those areas, too. It seems that if you just accept that the mom-thing isn’t your game and seek out what REALLY interests you, then you’re better off. Your daughter will grow to see you as an individual in your own right, too, and that’s always a good thing.
I still go to the play-things and my littlest one makes her own friends (kind of, she leans towards the anti-social like me) and that’s fine, her friends are hers, their parents don’t have to be my friends. We’ll do pre-school next year and her social group will grow and then it’s elementary school and it’s a whole different ball game.
Hang in there, it’ll get better and don’t be so hard on yourself! Jeez, you’re breaking my heart here!
2. Tracy said:
May 1, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
[quote comment="159232"]Ooooh, Tracy, your posts lately have been breaking my heart!
I’ve been there. I wrote about it in My Kids’ Friends’ Parents Rule. I am so not a clique mommy. But, there are mothers like you (and me) out there. There just really, really hard to find, because they tend to stay away from groups of mommies.
I’d recommend meeting social needs outside of mommyhood. I did martial arts for a long time and met some really great people there. I worked a part-time job when we lived in MA and had some very interesting co-workers. I’ve volunteered for political activities and for pet organizations and found cool people in those areas, too. It seems that if you just accept that the mom-thing isn’t your game and seek out what REALLY interests you, then you’re better off. Your daughter will grow to see you as an individual in your own right, too, and that’s always a good thing.
I still go to the play-things and my littlest one makes her own friends (kind of, she leans towards the anti-social like me) and that’s fine, her friends are hers, their parents don’t have to be my friends. We’ll do pre-school next year and her social group will grow and then it’s elementary school and it’s a whole different ball game.
Hang in there, it’ll get better and don’t be so hard on yourself! Jeez, you’re breaking my heart here![/quote]
Well, I do belong to a book club. I am moving next month so I think I’ll join a local book club there, and maybe I’ll take my dog to the dog park and stalk people there. Ha! Maybe it’s Karma saying ha ha ha you sucked in the past and now you’re stuck with no friends my dear! Maybe I can just hangout with my husband.
3. Queen Bee said:
May 1, 2008 @ 3:33 pm
I feel this post! You are sooo funny and engaging. I too am not the cliquey mom, and I tend to be rather a homebody with my family (somehow we are all a little like that at my house). I would share grilled cheese and pooflections with you any day my friend, any day
4. smja2a said:
May 1, 2008 @ 3:34 pm
People never change…Mothers can be so “high school”…It only gets worse as your children get older!
5. Tracy said:
May 1, 2008 @ 3:35 pm
[quote comment="159237"]I feel this post! You are sooo funny and engaging. I too am not the cliquey mom, and I tend to be rather a homebody with my family (somehow we are all a little like that at my house). I would share grilled cheese and pooflections with you any day my friend, any day :)[/quote]
Well god, what are you waiting for? I’ve got cheddar AND swiss. I also have this yummy lavender goat cheese with fennel pollen. Or something like that…
6. Queen Bee said:
May 1, 2008 @ 3:37 pm
Isn’t that the truth! I think I find it especially hard at sporting events like my son’s soccer games. I am always the mom with the ‘just have fun’ attitude and the mommy clothes, while the rest of them are of the ‘win don’t whine’ attitude and dressed to impress.
7. Queen Bee said:
May 1, 2008 @ 3:38 pm
[quote comment="159239"][quote comment="159237"]I feel this post! You are sooo funny and engaging. I too am not the cliquey mom, and I tend to be rather a homebody with my family (somehow we are all a little like that at my house). I would share grilled cheese and pooflections with you any day my friend, any day :)[/quote]
Well god, what are you waiting for? I’ve got cheddar AND swiss. I also have this yummy lavender goat cheese with fennel pollen. Or something like that…[/quote]
Wow, put on the grill I’m on my way LOL!
8. Philly said:
May 1, 2008 @ 4:51 pm
I always stayed away from them bitches and guess what, my kids are grown and I see them now all primped up at the gym .
9. Friend said:
May 2, 2008 @ 12:25 am
[quote comment="159238"]People never change…Mothers can be so “high school”…It only gets worse as your children get older![/quote]
That sadly is the truth…there are cliques on the soccer fields, around the swimming pool…their is always an ALPHA….Just like Highschool…Is it because we are women…men don’t seem to have that problem…it IS hard!!! I just did all the expected things…Mommy and Me, Playgroups, Library….we were at least getting out…kept me looking good. Women are bitches…I would much rather hang with the guys. Just keep smiling…you are doing the best you can!!!
10. Kristy said:
May 2, 2008 @ 9:58 am
I don’t know about that. It just hasn’t been my experience. Just about anytime I’m out and see a mom with kids my age, I will strike up a conversation and am usually met with a grateful smile and conversation. I belong to an on-line Moms’ board that also sponsors (and requires minimal participation in) real-world playgroups (both large and very small), clothing swaps, MNOs, etc, and I know that one particular mom, who does not fit anyone’s idea of the posh, put-together soccer mom is personally responsible for about 80 of the group’s member joining because she would go up to any mom, anywhere, and introduce herself and tell people about the group. Time and again, those women will say “We had just moved here/I was a freaking-out new mom/ I was so lonely and depressed, and if S. hadn’t spoken to me I’d probably still be in that place.”
It has been my experience that most newish moms are lonely and want mom friends. Of course, I live in the south. We’re nicer to each other down here.
11. Allison G. said:
May 2, 2008 @ 10:16 am
I love my MOMS group. Before I met them, we lived next to our landlords and knew NOBODY at all. So they introduced us to all of their friends. I knew about 80% of the seniors in my town!
I was craving friendship from other moms, and at their ‘open house’ they welcomed me graciously. They are such wonderful friends to me!
I hope you do find frienship in other moms. Just strike up a conversation, you might be happily surprised.
12. Rita. said:
May 2, 2008 @ 10:36 am
[quote comment="159487"] Of course, I live in the south. We’re nicer to each other down here. ;-)[/quote]
That is true. You’re also in a down-to-earth urban atmosphere. Not an uptight, uppity midwestern suburb, or a snooty, dripping with riches urbane cesspool. I think that where you live has a LOT to do with who you meet.
If we moved about 15 miles west, then our demographics would be enormously different and I’d be meeting a totally different group of women at the pre-school and the playgrounds.
I like my area because of the conveniences, the low crime rate, the nature paths, the proximity to dh’s workplace, the educational system and the easy availability for safe and good recreational activities for my kids. So, it’s a choice to live here. I’m not a victim, I could move somewhere else, but what I’d be gaining in my own socialization and mental stimulation would mean a loss in another area. It would be great to find a place where everything came together for everyone, but that’s just not what it is right HERE, right NOW.
13. Jen said:
May 3, 2008 @ 5:08 pm
Wow do I feel this post! After Moving from New York to Michigan and now 2 years in San Francisco, I can tell you location is everything! I just don’t fit in here, the parks are full of nannies, I have found them to be exceptionally kind but otherwise I find it hard to relate to any Moms here. I’m pretty content to just be with my son though, but sometimes I do feel a little like an outsider when I see Mom’s in playgroups. When I went back to Michigan to visit with my son it was sort of a relief. I was constantly chatting with other Moms everywhere I went. Maybe I’m a Mom snob:)