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Filed under: General

Classifieds

Posted April 30, 2008 at 8:33 pm by Maureen

Under the For Sale section:

FREE TO GOOD HOME: Baby. Eight Months. Cute. Likes: pulling on dog tails, picking outlet covers off electrical sockets, waking every two hours at night, twenty minute naps, screaming in public, practicing a new whining technique that involves a high-pitched squeal/ear-drum-shattering dolphin noise, throwing entire body down on the ground when a bottle is not supplied fast enough, shaking head back and forth in a disagreeable fashion. Dislikes: sleeping, behaving, not screaming, not being held, being tickled, singing and other humans.

Under the Wanted section:

WANTED: Baby from last week. Baby who cuddled, laughed, played and generally did not scream whenever not being held. Baby who slept twelve hours at night and took two hour-and-a-half naps. Baby who was described by a stranger at Target as having a “sweet disposition.” May have also been called “a happy little guy.”

Ugh.

Can you tell I’m in the middle of four-teeth-coming-in-all-at-once-because-God-hates-me hell?

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6 Responses to “Classifieds”

1. Rita.

April 30, 2008 @ 9:37 pm

Ah, well it’ll all be done in one shot then and you’ll be free for a while. Teething sucks. Poor bugger. Ignore the old wives tale about rubbing whisky on his gums though, that’s bad news and a waste of whisky. Try rubbing it on the back of your throat, it’s tricky, but after a few shots you get the hang of it.

2. Prescott

April 30, 2008 @ 9:48 pm

If you think it might help, you can feel free to throw my 5- and 9-year-olds into the deal…

And Rita, I highly endorse your proper whiskey usage.

3. Tracy

April 30, 2008 @ 9:54 pm

God I love you. In a weird internet, blogger, random kind of way.

4. Friend

April 30, 2008 @ 9:55 pm

Gawd Maureen,

You said what sooo many parent’s feel (for just a minute) with such wit!!!!

5. Queen Bee

April 30, 2008 @ 11:00 pm

Maureen, now that’s damn funny!!!!!

6. Diana

January 6, 2009 @ 11:13 am

Wow! Thank you. I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who felt tired, overwhelmed and crazy. Mine is 17 mos and has not slept longer than 20 minutes at a time in the last week and a half! I feel your pain. Good luck. Oh, and it’s okay to use swears now and then. My usage definately goes up during teething time. haha

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