Classifieds
Posted
April 30, 2008 at
8:33 pm by
Maureen
Under the For Sale section:
FREE TO GOOD HOME: Baby. Eight Months. Cute. Likes: pulling on dog tails, picking outlet covers off electrical sockets, waking every two hours at night, twenty minute naps, screaming in public, practicing a new whining technique that involves a high-pitched squeal/ear-drum-shattering dolphin noise, throwing entire body down on the ground when a bottle is not supplied fast enough, shaking head back and forth in a disagreeable fashion. Dislikes: sleeping, behaving, not screaming, not being held, being tickled, singing and other humans.
Under the Wanted section:
WANTED: Baby from last week. Baby who cuddled, laughed, played and generally did not scream whenever not being held. Baby who slept twelve hours at night and took two hour-and-a-half naps. Baby who was described by a stranger at Target as having a “sweet disposition.” May have also been called “a happy little guy.”
Ugh.
Can you tell I’m in the middle of four-teeth-coming-in-all-at-once-because-God-hates-me hell?
Tags: cranky-babies, cranky-baby, imperfect-parents, Parenting, poor-sleeping, selling-baby, tantrums, teething |
5 Responses to “Classifieds”
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1. Rita. said:
April 30, 2008 @ 9:37 pm
Ah, well it’ll all be done in one shot then and you’ll be free for a while. Teething sucks. Poor bugger. Ignore the old wives tale about rubbing whisky on his gums though, that’s bad news and a waste of whisky. Try rubbing it on the back of your throat, it’s tricky, but after a few shots you get the hang of it.
2. Prescott said:
April 30, 2008 @ 9:48 pm
If you think it might help, you can feel free to throw my 5- and 9-year-olds into the deal…
And Rita, I highly endorse your proper whiskey usage.
3. Tracy said:
April 30, 2008 @ 9:54 pm
God I love you. In a weird internet, blogger, random kind of way.
4. Friend said:
April 30, 2008 @ 9:55 pm
Gawd Maureen,
You said what sooo many parent’s feel (for just a minute) with such wit!!!!
5. Queen Bee said:
April 30, 2008 @ 11:00 pm
Maureen, now that’s damn funny!!!!!