On one particular road trip I gained some very useful insight into the world of effective mothering. Let me explain…

In the car was myself (age 26, no kids, but hubby and I will be procreating in the coming years), Friend A (30, she and dh have decided not to breed), Friend B (39, mother of a 13 year old girl and 9 year old boy), and Friend C (46, mother of a 21 year old girl, 19 year old boy, and 14 year old girl). As you can imagine, our conversations, opinions, and views of the world differ greatly — and manage to form a wonderfully weird recipe for comic relief.

Friend C takes a phone call from 19 year old son who is away at college and happy to make regular withdraws from the Bank of Mom & Dad: “I just feel so damn guilty every time I talk to him. He doesn’t have a job. He has no money. I feel like I should be sending him more. All of his friends are out having fun, and I know he’s in his room because he’s broke. Really, so f’ing guilty.”

Myself and Friend A offer the only condolence and advice we can think of: “You’re a wonderful mother!” “Don’t feel guilty! He’ll get a job soon, once he realizes that you and husband won’t financially support him.” “It will get better, don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Friend B then offers up the kind of wisdom that only a mother could concoct: “Screw feeling guilty! Just do what our mothers, and their mothers before them, did — transfer your guilt onto that little shit.”

Problem solved.

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