Comments on: My Dilemma: Drinking Buddies vs. Parental Posse http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/03/26/my-dilemma-drinking-buddies-vs-parental-posse/ Parenting, Politics and News for the Perfectly Challenged Sat, 17 May 2008 04:46:03 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.2 by: Rita http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/03/26/my-dilemma-drinking-buddies-vs-parental-posse/#comment-151137 Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:03:20 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/03/26/my-dilemma-drinking-buddies-vs-parental-posse/#comment-151137 Just my opinion here, but I think you'll find that your drinking buddies will have less patience for you as your kid gets older and you give him more attention than you give them. When the kid is sick and you choose him over them, when their plans interfere with a parent-teacher conference or school play, these things add up and you eventually have the inevitable, "So, you're one of THOSE parents, the kind who always chooses their KID over their friend" arguments where you end up, like, yeah, and I will always choose my kid because he's my KID you buffoon, now grow up and get a life. Unless you have a very unique and tolerant group of drinking buddies. This is just something I've experienced once and seen a billion times with young first-time parents. Ironically, I experienced it myself with my sister, not my friends. My sister was the one bemoaning my lack of babysitter and that I wouldn't go out with her anymore. My dh and I had already become hermitish homebodies before I got pregnant with our first. We had lived hard and fast through our teens and early 20's and about a year before he was born, we had already lost a taste for night life and hangovers and with me working as a social worker and him in school full-time, we didn't have money to spare anyway. Most of our friends were in the same situation. We had him before any of our friends were even married, though, so our single and/or unmarried but coupled off friends would hang out at our house with us and the baby for free entertainment. I've used an actual babysitter exactly three times in my 13 years of parenting. I actually felt guilty leaving my son with a sitter when he was little because he was in day care for 40 hours a week, so I felt like a shitty parent then leaving him while his dad and I went out. He was growing so fast, I also just didn't want to leave him at all. Then when my first daughter was born (after we moved to Texas), we just didn't have a sitter. We didn't know anyone who would sit with her and then she became a toddler and wouldn't separate from us anyway. Now we have the little one and the 13 year-old sits with him and it's wonderful. But dh and I use that time for ourselves. All our friends do have kids now, and they're at various stages with their own. Anyone we know who would have chosen to stay childless has made a different life from us long ago. This is how you feel about it now, but it'll change. You'll have less in common with your drinking buddies and they'll lose patience with you and insist your priorities are out of whack. Just my opinion here, but I think you’ll find that your drinking buddies will have less patience for you as your kid gets older and you give him more attention than you give them. When the kid is sick and you choose him over them, when their plans interfere with a parent-teacher conference or school play, these things add up and you eventually have the inevitable, “So, you’re one of THOSE parents, the kind who always chooses their KID over their friend” arguments where you end up, like, yeah, and I will always choose my kid because he’s my KID you buffoon, now grow up and get a life. Unless you have a very unique and tolerant group of drinking buddies. This is just something I’ve experienced once and seen a billion times with young first-time parents.

Ironically, I experienced it myself with my sister, not my friends. My sister was the one bemoaning my lack of babysitter and that I wouldn’t go out with her anymore. My dh and I had already become hermitish homebodies before I got pregnant with our first. We had lived hard and fast through our teens and early 20’s and about a year before he was born, we had already lost a taste for night life and hangovers and with me working as a social worker and him in school full-time, we didn’t have money to spare anyway. Most of our friends were in the same situation. We had him before any of our friends were even married, though, so our single and/or unmarried but coupled off friends would hang out at our house with us and the baby for free entertainment.

I’ve used an actual babysitter exactly three times in my 13 years of parenting. I actually felt guilty leaving my son with a sitter when he was little because he was in day care for 40 hours a week, so I felt like a shitty parent then leaving him while his dad and I went out. He was growing so fast, I also just didn’t want to leave him at all. Then when my first daughter was born (after we moved to Texas), we just didn’t have a sitter. We didn’t know anyone who would sit with her and then she became a toddler and wouldn’t separate from us anyway. Now we have the little one and the 13 year-old sits with him and it’s wonderful. But dh and I use that time for ourselves. All our friends do have kids now, and they’re at various stages with their own. Anyone we know who would have chosen to stay childless has made a different life from us long ago.

This is how you feel about it now, but it’ll change. You’ll have less in common with your drinking buddies and they’ll lose patience with you and insist your priorities are out of whack.

]]> by: Allison J http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/03/26/my-dilemma-drinking-buddies-vs-parental-posse/#comment-151093 Thu, 27 Mar 2008 03:25:19 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/03/26/my-dilemma-drinking-buddies-vs-parental-posse/#comment-151093 My husband and I are lucky to have a diverse group of friends. As a group we range in age from 26 to 50+ -- and have a ball together. Within this group is a mix of parents and non-parents -- with kids ranging in age from 7 to 21 (with more on the way). For those who fear life will end after babies -- rest assure that an exciting life can still exist. From vacations to Las Vegas and annual camping trips (complete with beer and LATE nights), to fancy dinners and low-key backyard parties -- we always have a good time. I'd like to think that we are all sensitive to each family's situations and needs -- whether it's relieving the babysitter or letting the dogs out to relieve themselves. It is my philosophy that never "indulging" in grown-up time is detrimental to one's own personal health, not to mention to their marriage and children. My husband and I are lucky to have a diverse group of friends. As a group we range in age from 26 to 50+ — and have a ball together.
Within this group is a mix of parents and non-parents — with kids ranging in age from 7 to 21 (with more on the way).
For those who fear life will end after babies — rest assure that an exciting life can still exist. From vacations to Las Vegas and annual camping trips (complete with beer and LATE nights), to fancy dinners and low-key backyard parties — we always have a good time. I’d like to think that we are all sensitive to each family’s situations and needs — whether it’s relieving the babysitter or letting the dogs out to relieve themselves.
It is my philosophy that never “indulging” in grown-up time is detrimental to one’s own personal health, not to mention to their marriage and children.

]]>