Filed under: General
I’m Serious About The Scrunchies
Posted
March 12, 2008 at
6:50 pm by
Maureen
I was cleaning out my closet the other day and came across about a million shirts from college that I no longer wear. Tangled up together in a rope-like mess, the mere wisps of fabric went straight into a garbage bag to be given to my nineteen year old sister. As I held up one low-cut, strappy tank top, my first thought was, “Didn’t I get cold?” but then I remembered it was college, and drinking six beers was usually enough insulation for the entire evening. Anyway, as I gathered the sparkly, strapless shirts which I no longer have any use for, I remembered my vow to be a “cool mom” when pregnant. Now, I might not wear bedazzled shirts anymore, but I do make an effort to brush my hair and put on makeup occasionally, which I consider accomplishments since having a seven-month old and working full-time seems to suck the energy from every proton in my body.
So, for those moms who wish to remain “hip,” I present my commandments:
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I will not wear jeans that have a zipper longer than six inches and/or are tapered and end right at the ankle. Those qualify as Mom Jeans. (However, this does not mean you should dress like Britney Spears. Find the happy medium, people.)
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I will not wear any kind of crocheted or appliquéd vest.
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I will not wear plain white tennis shoes. (especially coupled with Mom Jeans)
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I will not cut all my hair off while pregnant in preparation for the Blessed Event. Many women’s rationale is that they’ll need a simple hairstyle so as to avoid baby-food-crusted strands. What they don’t know? Is baby-food-crusted strands are much more attractive than that pseudo-mullet.
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I will wear a bikini. Yes, it will be uncomfortable. However, we should all wear the stretch-marks and saggy skin as what they are: the battle scars of a war-weary general.
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I will resist the urge to continually whip out pictures of my children. Yes, they’re cute. But trust me: NO ONE wants to see five million pictures of your child with farm animals at a pumpkin patch.
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I will not feel guilty when leaving my spouse with the child(ren). You had to be pregnant and give birth, remember? I think a few hours of Dora and that weird show with the sock puppets is nothing compared to the dignity-erasing horrors of labor and delivery.
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I will make an effort to remain educated and watch the news and read the newspaper and keep up on world news. The fact that Susie went poo-poo in the potty is not a current event.
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I will not wear a scrunchy. I don’t care if it’s while working out or gardening or soaking in the tub. There is no asterisk for scrunchy-wearing. It’s a deal-breaker.
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I will not care about being a “hip” mom. I’ll just try to make it through the day without falling asleep standing up
Tags: babies, cool-parents, hip-parenting, hip-parents, mom-jeans, Parenting, parenting-commandments |
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5 Responses to “I’m Serious About The Scrunchies”
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1. Rita
March 13, 2008 @ 8:44 am
God, I never wore a bikini before kids! I could have, but I didn’t. Now, I think I’d be arrested if I tried. Surely looking like I do in a bikini would be breaking some sort of law. It’s not even fat, it’s stretch marks and surgical scars, lol, those lovely little babies of mine ruined my body forever.
I never carry pictures of my kids, either, for safety reasons. I read somewhere that you’re not supposed to carry pictures of your kids on you in case your purse is stolen or something. I don’t know.
2. Jessica
March 15, 2008 @ 9:18 am
I don’t wear scrunchies, never have, but I do wear those hair clips. When you have long hair, it’s a convenience that simply can’t be poo-poo’d and it looks way better than 80’s scrunchies.
One commandment that I need to take more seriously — going out with friends sans husband and children. This would definitely do a mommy good.
Speaking of the 80’s…has anyone seen “13 Going on 30″? That movie is hilarious and has the funniest references to the 80’s. I love that movie.
3. Rita
March 15, 2008 @ 9:47 am
I did see that movie, Jess, and I thought it was funny despite having Jennifer Garner in it (she just irritates the HELL outta me). It was very funny.
I have never and will never wear a thong though (since this is a fashionesque post and the 13 Going on 30 reference). I’ve seen too many thong tops lately when I haven’t wanted to. It’s like the boys who wear their pants too low and you can see their boxers, except these are thongs on middle-aged women and you want to gouge your eyes out with the nearest sharp thing right afterwards. Moms should not wear thongs. They wear them with the lo-rise jeans and then when they bend over to pick up their kids–THONG! And it’s not pretty. Or the black thong under the white pants is another image that’s burned into my retina. Kinda counters the whole idea of the thong, doesn’t it? You can see the thong lines just like you would panty lines, but this is a THONG!
Anyway, I confess to hair clips, too. And sadly, for me it’s not a convenience thing, it’s because when my layers get too long they don’t hang right there on the top, so I clip that one piece back to make it look a little better. I have tons of hair clips in all shapes, sizes and colors. Some are even jeweled. It’s a sorry addiction, I know. Actually, if you look at my profile picture, I’m wearing one, and that was right after a haircut, so the too-long-layer excuse doesn’t even apply.
One time, after I got a really drastic haircut, a friend of mine commented, she said, “Oh, wow, you got your hair cut!”
“Yeah,” I said, “I was feeling dowdy.”
“Aww,” she said, “But you always wear such cute hair …” and I thought she was going to say “hair styles”, but no, she finished …”clips in your hair!”
I just burst out laughing, because what else could you do? She was trying to be complimentary and also honest at the same time, so she ended up complimenting my trade-mark hair clips.
4. ozarkcontessa
March 15, 2008 @ 3:01 pm
Scrunchies as a no no… I just had to laugh… Since I am now a grandma and survived the rigors of raising children in a not so safe world during the 70’s-90’s… I would add to the rules.
* I will be a mom who is a nag!
I will nag my children to be home on time.
I will nag my children to tell me where they are; who they are with, and why are they there.
I will not bow down to societal views that a mother nag is a bad thing…
Oh and one last thing… No SPANDEX!! No matter how beautiful.. the 70’s are gone, and spandex really is not our friend. As a “plump” woman, I would add… spandex has never been a friend of mine even in my not so “plump” era.
5. Rita
March 15, 2008 @ 7:55 pm
Spandex as a form of underwear is workable though. Kind of like a super-thong, lol. Under a long dress, it can be that ultimate control girdle that you (or everyone looking at you) have been longing for.