The Exorcism of Fisher Price
Posted
March 3, 2008 at
11:34 pm by
Maureen
To: Readers of the Imperfect Parent blog
From: Maureen
Re: Exorcism
Dear All:
Can anyone recommend a good exorcist? I, myself, have no connections to those who can communicate with the demonic world, but maybe one of you does.
Please. It’s urgent. The power of Christ compels you.
Looks innocuous, right?
Keychain says: “I will destroy you.”
The dark spiritual activity started a few months ago. Ryan likes to play with a toy keychain which makes car and siren noises. The fact that the car sounds like a dying baby seal and the siren a clown horn is irrelevant.
It was annoying enough when my son decided to press the clown horn every fifteen minutes during a five-hour car ride to visit my in-laws. Now the keychain simply goes off by itself. Usually around 3:30am or when I’m in a room alone.
I’ll be reading my new US Weekly, laughing at photos of Lindsay Lohan and her “water bottle,” happy for a few quiet moments after my son is asleep and my husband is taking out the dog, when I hear what sounds like Bozo the clown playing the trumpet.
I’ve logically checked to see if the toy has batteries I could remove. It does not. It seems to be powered via an internal motor or something. Or maybe it runs on lead paint. Or maybe it is fueled by the hatred of damned souls.
I immediately suspected the “TV people,” and avoided all television static. It didn’t work.
So, either the toy itself is posessed, in which case we should give it to our neighbor who left dog crap on our front door, or our house has a ghost who likes to drive us nuts. Either theory is fine, but I’m hoping we have a ghost since I’d like to train it to do helpful tasks like fetch me beer, find the remote, clean up my son’s diaper explosions and hand me bon-bons while I’m watchin’ my stories. Or maybe I could teach Captain Howdy to be entertaining, like Beetlejuice, and it could amuse our drunk friends at parties by forcing them to dance to calypso music.
If it is posessed, I know I can’t just throw it away or hack it into tiny little pieces without it re-appearing on my bed five minutes later.
So what’s a parent to do?
Tags: children, Parenting, parenting-humor, poltergeist, toy-exoricsm, toys |
4 Responses to “The Exorcism of Fisher Price”
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1. Allison said:
March 4, 2008 @ 11:18 am
My daughter had that toy, and it IS annoying!
2. Rita said:
March 4, 2008 @ 12:02 pm
My son had this Barney who was on some sort of time-delay. If you played with him and then stopped, like a half an hour later, he would do that nightmarish giggle “Hoo-hoo-haa-haa, Let’s Play!”
The thing was freaky.
Then we had a lights and sounds Elmo toy for my second child, which was about 4 inches tall and it was buried at the bottom of the toy box, so sometimes something would bump up against it and make it start ding-donging “Jack and Jill” and we’d have to dive in and dig it out, or it would never stop. The batteries in that toy must’ve been made on some other planet though, because when my second daughter was born six years later, we found that toy in the toy box and it still worked!
My third child didn’t get too many electronic toys. We finally learned better.
3. prpledrm76 said:
March 7, 2008 @ 6:59 pm
I have that laugh & learn puppy that my daughter recieved as one of her first x-mas gifts, that thing is so sensitive…u barely touch it and it goes off - and yes it goes off by itself, even though I’ve turned if off.
4. Jessica said:
March 9, 2008 @ 8:06 am
“So what’s a parent to do?”
Get used to it! Speaking as a mother of a 5 and 9 year old, the noise pollution gets louder and multi-faceted.
We have karaoke machines, television, video games, computers, wrestling, arguing and crying.
Now I know why my mother had pharmaceutical help when she raised me and my brother and sister.