I won’t pretend to offer advice Rita as obviously there’s a lot more here going on than can be publicly disclosed and quite frankly I wouldn’t have a clue where to start. But I think that this thread and the discussion should probably continue if only to give other parents / carers a place to refer to.

Again commenting purely from a place of ignorance - would it be possible for you to approach the girl yourself, let her know in no uncertain terms that you know and that you have no intention of disclosing that information to anyone but that you want her to know that she can come to you as a “smaritan” shoulder to cry or unload on without you being judgemental and maybe start to guide her and help her regain her self respect.

I sure your aware that doing so would put you in an awkward position not least in that if you put yourself forward as a single consistent icon in this girls life, it’s a responsiblity that will also be “for life and not just for Christmas”.

[quote comment="145089"]Yeah, you’d have to raise your kids up to understand that sex is sex. If you can’t look the other person’s parents in the eye and tell them what you were doing, then it probably isn’t good to be doing it.[/quote]

Once again Rita, superb advice from a super mom, I’ll try and remember that when the time comes…

Regards

Jon…

I agree and growing up, the boys and girls with self confidence and good families and who were geunuinely interesting in getting good grades and school, typically weren’t participating in assembly line sex.

Although I say I’m glad I don’t have girls because of the subject matter you posted about, I also know that I need to teach my boys about responsiblity, self-respect, dignity and respecting girls. It does go both ways.

I’m not all about abstinence until marriage. But, I do think that it’s healthier if people are grown up before they get into sexual relationships. I pretty much expect that when my kids are in college that they will have sexual relationships, and I hope to raise them in a way where they’ll be careful and choose their partners wisely.

And, in regards to the boys. I think that it does show a lack of self-esteem in the boy, too, if he’s sinking so low as to have a one sided relationship with a girl like that. Or, he has real narcissistic issues and is dangerous.

It’s also a tricky place to be in because society has this lacking stance on abstinence, thinking that it’s an impossible request to ask of the youth. So ‘we’ just tell teens that there are ‘alternatives’ to sex, and then this is what they resort to.
I saw a Dateline episode on teens and their view of sex and (shocking to me, I must say) a good majority of them think that “oral” or “anal” is not sex at all, and a girl can save her viginity as long as it’s not vaginal intercourse! So there were girls who were on there saying that they’d been having sex for almost 2 years, but it was only anal, so they were still virgins. Yikes!

I have to believe, that no young woman this age would be readily handing out BJ’s if they had a high regard for themselves. Something in this little girl’s life is broken. This is an act of desperation and self deprecation.

I guess I’m not a “village” type person. I know what I would do is not as nurturing as I would disassociate with a knowlingly troubled child, but I’m also not qualified in anyway to counsel a child like that either. It would depend, I suppose, in how much I wanted to protect or shield my children from what is going on. That’s a hard call to make, IMO.

I don’t know what the answer is.

I will say that if I found out that any of the boys her age in this place were recipients from this girl (or other girls), I would have been equally horrified, to think that they’d be taking advantage of girls their age in this way.

She’s a good kid though. She’s bright and pretty and sweet and funny and I just hope that she’s not doing this for all the wrong reasons and ends up getting damaged as a result.[/quote]

But that’s the thing. She probably IS a good kid…… for now. This can only get worse.

My best friend at 14 started out really nice when we met at 11. But as her mom’s lack of supervision broadened, so did my friend’s “activities”. I was shocked! I finally had to remove myself from the friendship so my parents wouldn’t think I was doing the same stuff. It wasn’t until my wedding that she told my sister that back in 8th grade (right about the time we stopped hanging out) her mom took her in to have an abortion!

I don’t want to be one to “wear rose-colored glasses”, but I honestly can’t believe that any girl (Who obviously does this enough that it’s starting to get out) can have a “good” reputation doing this.
“Miss X is so sweet. She gave me lab notes to copy, AND she gives the greatest BJs. What a friend.”
No, it probably goes like this.
“Dude, I got another hummer from that X girl!”
“Sweet, man. Think she’ll do it for me?”
“Duh, of course. She’s been doing it for everyone!” And it will probably get to the point that if she does realize this is wrong and decides to not do it, kids will be bigger assholes to her, thus crushing her esteem more!

Honestly, I understand that you’re in a hard position, but as a mother, if I found out that my daughter was doing this, THEN I found out that at least 2 moms knew about it and didn’t let me know, I’d be hurt.
I’m not going to pull the whole “it takes a village” card out on you, but how would you feel (I can tell you obviously ‘love’ this girl) if she did get a disease or raped, and her mom was crying and telling you about it.
Plus, your son is not that far in age from her. What if she and her friends start inviting him to hang out. Do you let him go, or explain in detail why you won’t allow it?
Maybe if her mother is informed about it now, there might be time to get her involved in healthy activities that fills up the time she’s using now to do these things……………

She’s a good kid though. She’s bright and pretty and sweet and funny and I just hope that she’s not doing this for all the wrong reasons and ends up getting damaged as a result.

I remember my father telling me about drugs once. Not that I never touched a joint or dabble in other illegal recreation, but I was always way more sensible and mature about it than my friends. I would say no and I said it often. I truly believe I made really good choices when it comes to that sort of thing.

My father sat me down at 15 and told me this horrible story about a friend of his that was a heroin addict and that he owed his dealer a bunch of money, so while this guy was going through withdrawals and dropped out of college and became a complete loser, he was kidnapped by his dealer and a bunch of his thugs. My father happened to be with him that day, along with some other friends and they grabbed all the guys that were at his house. Then, they drove him to a field, proceeded to stab the heroin addict numerous times with old, dirty needles and then injected him with something that not only was the pain too much for the onlookers to bear, it killed him. All the while, my Dad and his friends were forced to watch his suffering and demise. (Of course, he told the story with enough imagination to instill fear into my soul forever.)

Now, I have no effing clue if this story is true or not, all I know is that for years and years in high school and college, it scared the shit out of me. The details and my father’s look. I just knew that this wasn’t something to screw around with.

I know I got the same talk about sex, but a “guys only want one thing” sort of tale that was full of deceit, pain and horror. I was a virgin longer than anybody I know.

I do have to know though, how was it that you found out?