Comments on: My son’s first BFF http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/ Parenting, Politics and News for the Perfectly Challenged Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:30:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Jessica. http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-179029 Jessica. Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:19:29 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-179029 [quote comment="179017"]My son has Aspergers, ADHD, depression....and he has an imaginary friend named Meg, who also happens to be a dog. But this is an amazing dog. She talks, works at Burger King, Dominion Power company, the fire department, cuts grass...and on and on.[/quote] LOL. That is adorable. I want a Meg! There are things about Aspies that drive you crazy, but some of their traits, like their imaginary friends, that are just so charming and sweet. [quote comment="179017"]My son has Aspergers, ADHD, depression….and he has an imaginary friend named Meg, who also happens to be a dog. But this is an amazing dog. She talks, works at Burger King, Dominion Power company, the fire department, cuts grass…and on and on.[/quote]

LOL. That is adorable. I want a Meg!

There are things about Aspies that drive you crazy, but some of their traits, like their imaginary friends, that are just so charming and sweet.

]]> By: Renee http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-179017 Renee Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:46:59 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-179017 Wow! I couldn't believe my eyes when I read your story. My son has Aspergers, ADHD, depression....and he has an imaginary friend named Meg, who also happens to be a dog. But this is an amazing dog. She talks, works at Burger King, Dominion Power company, the fire department, cuts grass...and on and on. She is his security. He also has a "real" stuffed rabbit that he carries everywhere. One of the most prevalent symptoms of Aspergers is anxiety. Meg and Marther (the rabbit) help ease some of my son's worries and confusion. Also, Meg and Marther never reject him like some kids. There are so many things I keep learning about Aspergers. Each day is something new. But, each day that I have this wonderful boy in my life is a blessing. Wow! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read your story. My son has Aspergers, ADHD, depression….and he has an imaginary friend named Meg, who also happens to be a dog. But this is an amazing dog. She talks, works at Burger King, Dominion Power company, the fire department, cuts grass…and on and on. She is his security. He also has a “real” stuffed rabbit that he carries everywhere. One of the most prevalent symptoms of Aspergers is anxiety. Meg and Marther (the rabbit) help ease some of my son’s worries and confusion. Also, Meg and Marther never reject him like some kids. There are so many things I keep learning about Aspergers. Each day is something new. But, each day that I have this wonderful boy in my life is a blessing.

]]> By: SHS http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-172989 SHS Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:38:25 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-172989 Jessica, First off I am feeling it in my heart right now. I won't say I exactly know how you feel, but my daughter had her own struggles and so in that sense I get it. It sounds like G has made some progress in the fact that he is working thru the idea in his head about having a friend. That sounds like a breakthru to me. My sis had an imaginary friend for years, and one day announced that Gidget died on a train. (Violent death for such a good "friend") She was the oldest, with 2 toddlers under her, my mom was of the "nervous" type, so it filled a void with her. I think this is what G is doing. (Filling a void-and practicing in a safe way) My thoughts on taking him out of spec ed....yea! We did Montessouri as well, and I always have said it was my first big parenting mistake, because L needed structure. However, looking back, it was her happiest time. She learns differently and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she had something that fell within the Autistic spectrum. She is savantish is reading and memorization, but in math, science she is below average. She has always been hard to teach, but when you find the right teacher it is the most wonderful thing in the world. I am guessing there are no schools that specialize in autism in your area??? I would want my kid in the most normal environmnet possible. Best of luck to G. Truly! SHS Jessica,

First off I am feeling it in my heart right now. I won’t say I exactly know how you feel, but my daughter had her own struggles and so in that sense I get it.

It sounds like G has made some progress in the fact that he is working thru the idea in his head about having a friend. That sounds like a breakthru to me. My sis had an imaginary friend for years, and one day announced that Gidget died on a train. (Violent death for such a good “friend”) She was the oldest, with 2 toddlers under her, my mom was of the “nervous” type, so it filled a void with her. I think this is what G is doing. (Filling a void-and practicing in a safe way)

My thoughts on taking him out of spec ed….yea! We did Montessouri as well, and I always have said it was my first big parenting mistake, because L needed structure. However, looking back, it was her happiest time. She learns differently and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she had something that fell within the Autistic spectrum. She is savantish is reading and memorization, but in math, science she is below average. She has always been hard to teach, but when you find the right teacher it is the most wonderful thing in the world.

I am guessing there are no schools that specialize in autism in your area???

I would want my kid in the most normal environmnet possible.

Best of luck to G. Truly!

SHS

]]> By: Catarina the Doctor http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-172986 Catarina the Doctor Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:03:00 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-172986 Jessica, i just read ur story... wOw! But i must say for even the average 5 yr old, ur son is amazingly smart. I mean, he knew an address and even a hard to say and spell last name. That's quite impressive! My godson "D", had 2 imaginery best friends. One was "D" just like him but the bad version and the other was "Swort"! very weird, because he would scream and cry sometimes and say that"Swort" was hitting/ kicking him. "D" began to have these "friends" at age 3 he is now 5! I thought it was weird, i mean my son "S" is now 4 and he doesn't have those kind of friends. But it was weird, because some ppl say it must be because he's the only child, lonely, etc but "D" has a younger brother and he doesn't seem lonely. My is the only child so far and doesn't have one and i hope it remains that way, because as u said it does feel like a six-sense, or the others, etc. It has been mths since u wrote that, so how is ur son now? Good luck though, but again very impressive vocabulary for a 5 yr old. :-) Jessica, i just read ur story… wOw! But i must say for even the average 5 yr old, ur son is amazingly smart. I mean, he knew an address and even a hard to say and spell last name. That’s quite impressive!

My godson “D”, had 2 imaginery best friends. One was “D” just like him but the bad version and the other was “Swort”! very weird, because he would scream and cry sometimes and say that”Swort” was hitting/ kicking him. “D” began to have these “friends” at age 3 he is now 5! I thought it was weird, i mean my son “S” is now 4 and he doesn’t have those kind of friends. But it was weird, because some ppl say it must be because he’s the only child, lonely, etc but “D” has a younger brother and he doesn’t seem lonely. My is the only child so far and doesn’t have one and i hope it remains that way, because as u said it does feel like a six-sense, or the others, etc.

It has been mths since u wrote that, so how is ur son now? Good luck though, but again very impressive vocabulary for a 5 yr old. :-)

]]> By: Allison J http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-150172 Allison J Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:15:34 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-150172 I have a younger sister with Down syndrome. At 24 years old, she has had many imaginary friends. Paul, her boyfriend, has been around for years! She has full conversations with her pals in her bedroom. She has stories for days about their adventures, each of them vividly real, rich and detailed. Not too long ago I began to worry about this -- it seemed like a disconnect from reality. Until I REALLY began to think about it. Everyone is different, but for B I believe these imaginary friends are just her way of creating a world in which she feels truly comfortable. And there is nothing wrong with that! None of us can say how B or G feel -- we can't put ourselves in their shoes, whether they are 5 or 24. It sounds as if Lily, like Paul, came about because there is a need for them. Perhaps G, like B, was lonely without someone who could ALWAYS know how they feel, how they think, what they need -- and I hope Lily, like Paul, provides that! I have a younger sister with Down syndrome. At 24 years old, she has had many imaginary friends. Paul, her boyfriend, has been around for years!

She has full conversations with her pals in her bedroom. She has stories for days about their adventures, each of them vividly real, rich and detailed.

Not too long ago I began to worry about this — it seemed like a disconnect from reality. Until I REALLY began to think about it.

Everyone is different, but for B I believe these imaginary friends are just her way of creating a world in which she feels truly comfortable. And there is nothing wrong with that!

None of us can say how B or G feel — we can’t put ourselves in their shoes, whether they are 5 or 24. It sounds as if Lily, like Paul, came about because there is a need for them. Perhaps G, like B, was lonely without someone who could ALWAYS know how they feel, how they think, what they need — and I hope Lily, like Paul, provides that!

]]> By: Jessica http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145091 Jessica Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:56:10 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145091 [quote comment="145088"]A girl whose name you just spelled wrong![/quote] Doh! I can't believe I did that. For shame! [quote comment="145088"] Also, just curious, is there a girl that he plays with at school that could end up being her, and maybe he just calls her Lily?[/quote] Unfortunately, no. On the day I went to pick him up and he claimed she was out sick, his teacher said everyone was there that day. Plus, she didn't come to his party. He told us last minute that she had to bail (although not in those words - that would have been really advanced). [quote comment="145088"]A girl whose name you just spelled wrong![/quote]

Doh! I can’t believe I did that. For shame!

[quote comment="145088"]
Also, just curious, is there a girl that he plays with at school that could end up being her, and maybe he just calls her Lily?[/quote]

Unfortunately, no. On the day I went to pick him up and he claimed she was out sick, his teacher said everyone was there that day.

Plus, she didn’t come to his party. He told us last minute that she had to bail (although not in those words - that would have been really advanced).

]]> By: Allison http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145088 Allison Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:47:56 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145088 A girl whose name you just spelled wrong! Sorry, I'm not poking fun. I agree that this is a normal thing for a kid his age (an extremely gifted one, at that) to go through. And maybe it helped him cope with changing schools. He's obviously comfortable at home, so there was no need for the safety net of an imaginary friend. But maybe "Lily" helped with the transition. And I think that's great!!!!!! He'll be ready for a friend soon enough. By the way, have you asked him if she's only at school or if she can come home to see the family? Would that make him uncomfortable? Also, just curious, is there a girl that he plays with at school that could end up being her, and maybe he just calls her Lily? My 4 year old has a friend who can't remember her name at all, so she just calls my daughter "my friend". Her mom eventually figured out who she was talking about. A girl whose name you just spelled wrong!

Sorry, I’m not poking fun. I agree that this is a normal thing for a kid his age (an extremely gifted one, at that) to go through. And maybe it helped him cope with changing schools. He’s obviously comfortable at home, so there was no need for the safety net of an imaginary friend. But maybe “Lily” helped with the transition. And I think that’s great!!!!!!
He’ll be ready for a friend soon enough.
By the way, have you asked him if she’s only at school or if she can come home to see the family? Would that make him uncomfortable?

Also, just curious, is there a girl that he plays with at school that could end up being her, and maybe he just calls her Lily? My 4 year old has a friend who can’t remember her name at all, so she just calls my daughter “my friend”. Her mom eventually figured out who she was talking about.

]]> By: Jessica http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145078 Jessica Thu, 21 Feb 2008 20:34:07 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145078 Thanks everyone for the encouragement and helping to put my mind at ease that this could be something very positive. I guess what freaked me out more about this imaginary friend is that it she was so real. He never imagined her at our house so I never had the opportunity to be introduced to his imagination. There was logic and order to it, it wasn't like we were setting a place setting at dinner -- then I would have expected it. Lilly wasn't a dog or squirrel or a friendly monster, but a real little girl. Thanks everyone for the encouragement and helping to put my mind at ease that this could be something very positive.

I guess what freaked me out more about this imaginary friend is that it she was so real. He never imagined her at our house so I never had the opportunity to be introduced to his imagination. There was logic and order to it, it wasn’t like we were setting a place setting at dinner — then I would have expected it.

Lilly wasn’t a dog or squirrel or a friendly monster, but a real little girl.

]]> By: wendy http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145045 wendy Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:06:46 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-145045 Jess, I was actually called to have a conference on Adams grades at school yesterday. In that conference they talked to me about his high IQ and his short comings in making "good influnces" friends. They wanted to move in to accelerated classes and wanted my opinion. They did a extensive back ground on his child hood. And this topic came up in a room with lots of PHD's and child therapist. At least here they tell me that is a sign of exteremely intelligent children. Though adam has never outwardly said anything about a imaginary friend, we all agreed that his "social" ability right now and the lack of connecting with children his own age would do more harm in putting him in higher classes so the teachers agreed to give him more work to do at home so he is not bored. So with a room of 10 therapist and phd's they all agreed that it is not a big deal if he had one and to go along with it. So hang in there! My husband often would tell me that Adam will be our NASA Engineer in the family but will need a good women to tie his shoes. *L* He has a friend down the block (angel) that comes down and swims sometimes. She is someone adam likes. But boy she is head strong and Adam doesnt seem to mind a bit..so maybe it is true. Embrace him and go with the flow and as long as you listen to your heart and pray you will do the right thing. Keep up the good work. Our children need to feel safe and that their parents are on THEIR side no matter what. Keep up the good work. Seems to be lots of interesting post here with very educated people giving you advice. Its not as uncomman as one would make you think it is. :) Jess, I was actually called to have a conference on Adams grades at school yesterday. In that conference they talked to me about his high IQ and his short comings in making “good influnces” friends. They wanted to move in to accelerated classes and wanted my opinion. They did a extensive back ground on his child hood. And this topic came up in a room with lots of PHD’s and child therapist. At least here they tell me that is a sign of exteremely intelligent children. Though adam has never outwardly said anything about a imaginary friend, we all agreed that his “social” ability right now and the lack of connecting with children his own age would do more harm in putting him in higher classes so the teachers agreed to give him more work to do at home so he is not bored. So with a room of 10 therapist and phd’s they all agreed that it is not a big deal if he had one and to go along with it. So hang in there! My husband often would tell me that Adam will be our NASA Engineer in the family but will need a good women to tie his shoes. *L* He has a friend down the block (angel) that comes down and swims sometimes. She is someone adam likes. But boy she is head strong and Adam doesnt seem to mind a bit..so maybe it is true. Embrace him and go with the flow and as long as you listen to your heart and pray you will do the right thing. Keep up the good work. Our children need to feel safe and that their parents are on THEIR side no matter what. Keep up the good work. Seems to be lots of interesting post here with very educated people giving you advice. Its not as uncomman as one would make you think it is. :)

]]> By: julymom http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-144758 julymom Wed, 20 Feb 2008 04:01:50 +0000 http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2008/02/18/my-sons-first-bff/#comment-144758 Jess, you almost made me cry! I wouldn't worry though. It is progress. Lily could be his way of practicing for the real thing. My younger cousin had 2 imaginary friends when he was around 5. Hooster and Stooster. Stooster was gay. Go figure. My cousin was incredibly shy and his imaginary friends ave him confidence. He is now a perfectly normal 28 year old (well, you know, normal for a guy). Ds has imaginary dogs (because the 2 real ones we have aren't enough apparently). Their names are Cornish, Loxley, Pickles and Bread-Bread. They have to be fed (given treats too), watered, walked and tucked into bed. Oh, and once we left them in the car (huh?) and I had to go get them because he was freaking out that they would get cold. Jess, you almost made me cry! I wouldn’t worry though. It is progress. Lily could be his way of practicing for the real thing. My younger cousin had 2 imaginary friends when he was around 5. Hooster and Stooster. Stooster was gay. Go figure. My cousin was incredibly shy and his imaginary friends ave him confidence. He is now a perfectly normal 28 year old (well, you know, normal for a guy).
Ds has imaginary dogs (because the 2 real ones we have aren’t enough apparently). Their names are Cornish, Loxley, Pickles and Bread-Bread. They have to be fed (given treats too), watered, walked and tucked into bed. Oh, and once we left them in the car (huh?) and I had to go get them because he was freaking out that they would get cold.

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